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difficult child & his best friend...
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 174515" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>My son and another boy got into some trouble together and police came. For over a year the other boy had spent almost all nonschool hours at our house, and sleeping overnite. The trouble they got into, I was going to handle discipline of them on my own, but police had their own idea and required the boys not see each other at all or speak at all. Our police has their own way to handle juvies, and they do not go to court at first. They get a "sentence" and according to states attorney, it IS binding, without a trial....but if the kids have any infraction it is automatic reinstated charges with finding of guilty, and resulting in harsh consequences? So, if the boys DID see or speak to each other, they would have automatically been in far deeper trouuble. So the boys stayed apart. completely. which was dificult on both, considering the huge amounts of time around the clock the other boy had spent here. After their punishmenet was over, the other boys mom decided her son still could not see or speak to my son. Must have been weird for HER becuz she had depended on us to have her son all the time previously. Her sons father and his grandparents usually picked him up here for visits and dropped him off here. Our house is on her sons way home from school- he must walk past our house every single day. We see him, he crosses the street 2 houses before he gets to our house so that he is on the other side of the street. He puts his head down and looks at the sidewalk until he is 2 houses past our house. If I see him in town at all, he will quickly turn the other way, will not acknowledge a word to me. This boy has a sister who is my PCs age, and easy child and this boys sister also had been best friends for years. This boys mom did NOT intervene in the girls relationship at all, and continued to depend on easy child to get her daughter back and forth to school everyday even after the incident, and all the way until a new driving law went into effect that suddenly prevented easy child from haveing a passenger in her car. Then that mom TRIED to convince my easy child to continue to drive her daughter anyway. At graduation ceremony at school for my easy child and that girl, the mom was there and ran into us. She let her daughter say hi to me, but then she physically herded her HS graduate and her son away from us, lest her son might cast eyes upon me or someething. BUT when I am in town and see the mother and none of the children are around, she nods acknowledgement my way. </p><p>ALl 3 of my kids have been so sad about this whole thing. Becuz we had the boy here for years around the clock, they feel as if they lost a brother. We actually fought with the police to not keep these boys seperated, we said they were like brothers to each other, but the police said no, they would not permit contact between the 2 boys. </p><p>We think the other boy misses all of us but his mom is just nervous, upset, angry. Even tho she is polite to us in public, - watching HIS actions we think she has come down heavy handed on her son. And this boy here is so afraid, too afraid, even now after all this time, he just cannot even glance at our house or speak to any of us at all. We think (altho we could be wrong) that the boy just feels very akward about everything, about how my son might feel, and about how our whole family might feel. How we feel is we miss him terribly. Sadly when we see him outside, he does not seem to have hooked himself up to anyone else at all, no new friend. The thing our 2 boys supposedly did, nothing got broken or damaged, most people we have spoken with cannot believe police even got involved at all. But I think that boy and his mother took it totally to heart when the police said the boys could have no contact- I clarifyed with police for how long could the boys have no contact and maybe the other mother assumed the police meant "forever"? I was so angry at police, I asked what if these 2 boys were brothers? How could no contact be if they were brothers. Police told me, well then they would have brought in CPS to forcibly seperate the boys. </p><p></p><p>OK, um, LOL.I originally thought when I began this reply that it was more similar to your sons issue at hand, but now that I have it typed, LOL- maybe it is not as similar as I originally thought. SORRY.</p><p></p><p>Maybe your sons friend is just nervous that if they got in trouble again, the consequences might be more than he wants to face? Maybe he has some kind of survivor guilt thing going cuz your son got punished so hard? Even when people do not blame someone else, well, often each of us can be our own harshest judge. Maybe he has judged hiimself?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 174515, member: 1697"] My son and another boy got into some trouble together and police came. For over a year the other boy had spent almost all nonschool hours at our house, and sleeping overnite. The trouble they got into, I was going to handle discipline of them on my own, but police had their own idea and required the boys not see each other at all or speak at all. Our police has their own way to handle juvies, and they do not go to court at first. They get a "sentence" and according to states attorney, it IS binding, without a trial....but if the kids have any infraction it is automatic reinstated charges with finding of guilty, and resulting in harsh consequences? So, if the boys DID see or speak to each other, they would have automatically been in far deeper trouuble. So the boys stayed apart. completely. which was dificult on both, considering the huge amounts of time around the clock the other boy had spent here. After their punishmenet was over, the other boys mom decided her son still could not see or speak to my son. Must have been weird for HER becuz she had depended on us to have her son all the time previously. Her sons father and his grandparents usually picked him up here for visits and dropped him off here. Our house is on her sons way home from school- he must walk past our house every single day. We see him, he crosses the street 2 houses before he gets to our house so that he is on the other side of the street. He puts his head down and looks at the sidewalk until he is 2 houses past our house. If I see him in town at all, he will quickly turn the other way, will not acknowledge a word to me. This boy has a sister who is my PCs age, and easy child and this boys sister also had been best friends for years. This boys mom did NOT intervene in the girls relationship at all, and continued to depend on easy child to get her daughter back and forth to school everyday even after the incident, and all the way until a new driving law went into effect that suddenly prevented easy child from haveing a passenger in her car. Then that mom TRIED to convince my easy child to continue to drive her daughter anyway. At graduation ceremony at school for my easy child and that girl, the mom was there and ran into us. She let her daughter say hi to me, but then she physically herded her HS graduate and her son away from us, lest her son might cast eyes upon me or someething. BUT when I am in town and see the mother and none of the children are around, she nods acknowledgement my way. ALl 3 of my kids have been so sad about this whole thing. Becuz we had the boy here for years around the clock, they feel as if they lost a brother. We actually fought with the police to not keep these boys seperated, we said they were like brothers to each other, but the police said no, they would not permit contact between the 2 boys. We think the other boy misses all of us but his mom is just nervous, upset, angry. Even tho she is polite to us in public, - watching HIS actions we think she has come down heavy handed on her son. And this boy here is so afraid, too afraid, even now after all this time, he just cannot even glance at our house or speak to any of us at all. We think (altho we could be wrong) that the boy just feels very akward about everything, about how my son might feel, and about how our whole family might feel. How we feel is we miss him terribly. Sadly when we see him outside, he does not seem to have hooked himself up to anyone else at all, no new friend. The thing our 2 boys supposedly did, nothing got broken or damaged, most people we have spoken with cannot believe police even got involved at all. But I think that boy and his mother took it totally to heart when the police said the boys could have no contact- I clarifyed with police for how long could the boys have no contact and maybe the other mother assumed the police meant "forever"? I was so angry at police, I asked what if these 2 boys were brothers? How could no contact be if they were brothers. Police told me, well then they would have brought in CPS to forcibly seperate the boys. OK, um, LOL.I originally thought when I began this reply that it was more similar to your sons issue at hand, but now that I have it typed, LOL- maybe it is not as similar as I originally thought. SORRY. Maybe your sons friend is just nervous that if they got in trouble again, the consequences might be more than he wants to face? Maybe he has some kind of survivor guilt thing going cuz your son got punished so hard? Even when people do not blame someone else, well, often each of us can be our own harshest judge. Maybe he has judged hiimself? [/QUOTE]
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