difficult child in Facility 1 Week & I am Fustrated


New Member
OK a little background, difficult child has been on a Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)/ODD tyrant almost sense X-Mas, started to wan, but then I in my infinante knowledge decided to show him his new Birth Certific... Bad move - for some strange reason, I did not actually think this would cause a problem - silliy me! :hammer: Well as you can imange it got considerably worse, every time I was not home he would become Violent with SO, SO is very kind spoken and very much fulfills the more maternal roles, she is studing to be a chef - so she does the cooking and most of the cleaning, as she is home more then I. The Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) stuff has always been more directed at SO then I, I think that materinal role has a lot to do with it.. I am also more of the hard nose in the house..
Anyhow, so violence increased etc... To the point that one day over a week ago SO was walking someone to the door (my mom actually) so turned around to find difficult child picking up a chair with intent to strike. SO handled it without getting physcial, however the act when SO back was turned is beyond conserning.. They were not even engaged. That Friday SO got on the Phone with Insurance etc.. tring to get some help looking for a pschryist (sp?) etc.. only to be told that no one could see us / difficult child for a month in our geo area - the services are too indindated with folks needing help. Someone eventually told SO that if we took difficult child to ER it would expidite services and get us some help. We did that - the "help" cam in the form of them saying they could strap him to a bed for the weekend - but no serives were avaliable until Monday - GARRRR.. :grrr: No thinks - we were told that even then he would not really get help - service too overwhelmed... She said most people can not get help when they need it - that is why most if the psch ER beds are full :slap:- we took him home.That weekend I tried to leave the house twice, both times as soon as difficult child saw I was gone he got violent. difficult child also says he is stronger then SO - this is another reason I think the violence is directed towards her and not me.
On Monday of last week I spent the better part of the day on the phone. Found an intake facility that could look at him and provide imediate services. He has been in for a week now. We visit him every day (though the place is an hour drive from home and work) some days he is happy to see us, other days he wants to play with the other kids and wants the visit to be over. They are starting Stimulant medication trials on him today... Curious to see what will happen.
My Fustrations - tell me if I am being unreasonable:
He is getting to CHOOSE if he wants to bath and brush his teeth - he stinks now! What 7 Y/O would choose to shower instead pf play video games??? :bath:
He has a VERY high sugar diet - he is all over the place and every time we see him he has choclate or some other sweet on his face / clothes. Though we have asked REPEATEDLY that he be on a low sugar diet - not NO sugar - just low... :smile:
He is sleeping on the floor, he pulls his mattress onto the floor pull;s off his sheets and sleep on the bare mattress on the floor.
He is not changing clothes daily - not even his underware i do not think.
I asked for him to be given a shower on Friday, and was told he would --> but on saturday when I arrived he was wareing the same dirty clothes as the day before and stunk.. I lost my cool (though not infront of difficult child)and gave them a peice of my mind regarding the conection between physcial cleaniness and mental health They are not seprate! :nonono:Sunday he looked and smelled clean, though yesterday his hair is looking greasey again.
When difficult child moved in over a year ago, he did not even know how to clean himself. FM did it for him (Per Him and Her) He also did not use soap on his face - and refused.. Took 2 months to teach him how to care for his senstive skin (he gets infintiago if he does not wash <u>with soap</u>). Now I am conserned not only is his being away going to make the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) stuff worse - but that we are going to face alot of hygene issues again.

I keep telling myself to pick my battles, and that we needed help ASAP - He is being observed and services are being setup for after he comes home (another week I think). He is getting the evaluations and treatment he/we so sorely need. It is just sooo fustrating we are here and I feel my hands are sooo tied.. Just feeling worried, fustrated, conserned, angry, upset etc... You name it, I am probably feeling it~!

Thanks for listening..


New Member
Wow, that does sound frustrating and surprising. When our difficult child was in the childrens psychiatric hospital (for nearly 2 months) they had him on a no to low sugar diest immediately. We did notice that he sometimes seemed grungy or that he was wearing the same clothes, but he insisted to us that they did wash them. We knew that they made him take showers and other hygiene things because they would tell us when he refused to do it.

THe only thing I can think of in your situation is that maybe they are seeing what his natural behaviors and living habits are before they start modifying them. But I agree with you, I would think that mental health and a minimal form of hygiene are related!

hang in there!

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

First things first - stability. If you have the luxury, wait & see if the medications makes a difference. With the PTSD (which presents in a child very much the same as ADHD), I'd rather see your difficult child on an anti anxiety medication versus a stimulant. However, I'm not a doctor. Probably a good thing.

There is no way to address the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) issues until difficult children level of anxiety, his ability to trust, is addressed. Likely, he has no sense of self or permanency given his history. This will be your biggest challenge.

Around here, baths & such were a non issue. Not bathing is a typical Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) tactic - pushes people away. We had to prove to the tweedles that we loved them, stinky & dirty, or not. When they understood that they started bathing again - even used soap.

Rattling beads for you & your family during this difficult time.


New Member
Thank you,

Timer lady.. We do not feel he is ADHD, but rather it is anxiety - which makes it funny you mentioned that. They said the only way to rule out ADHD would be to Medicate him for it and see how he reacts.. Sees odd to me. They said they could not treat the anxiety - which is what I wanted them to do - that and the anger/agression, until the ADHD is either addressed or ruled out... I am new to all of his, and much seems wrong / odd or funky to me... always open to any advise that can be given...

timer lady

Queen of Hearts

I believe you stated in an earlier thread that difficult child had been fully evaluated before placement. Do you have a copy of this report to hand to the hospital so you're not wasting time & money?

I've also learned that many times you have to jump through the medical/psychiatric communities hoops before appropriate treatment or diagnosis is reached.

Crazy isn't it? You walked in with a known diagnosis & this facility is going in a totally different direction.

Having said that, you never know if you are dealing with bipolar or executive functioning issues on top of the Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) & PTSD.

Take this a step at a time. It's a long journey ahead & you'll need patience & time to educate yourself.

Keep us updated.


New Member
Wow...sounds like a drastic difference from the place our difficult child is currently in. Granted they didn't force the hygene the first couple of days while he was learning the rules of the unit, but once the rules were clear, they were the RULES. If he doesn't brush/shower, then he is breaking the rules.

We often do see him in the same clothes/pj's every single day, but it's simply because they do laundry every single day and they happen to place the same clothes they just washed out, so rather than picking out a different outfit, he re-wears what's already out on his desk from the day before, but it's clean.

Interesting they are treating for ADHD to try to rule it out, rather than treating the anger/agression. For our difficult child, they're treating the anger/agression rather than anything else.

Good luck and keep us posted! I'm so sorry that you're feeling so frustrated. This is our first inpatient experience as well and we've felt rather lost in the whole process too. :::hugs:::


New Member
Wow! That sounds like a very different experience we had when our difficult child was hospitalized. He was in an extreme amount of structure, and he had to keep himself and his room clean. The structure is what our kids need. I am sorry that you are going through this. I hope the medication trials will help. I can't believe how difficult it has been for you go get services!