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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621439" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh havehadenough, you are not to blame for the choices of your son. Every single one of us here did the very best we could with our kids and they still went off the rails. You didn't cause this. You can't control it. Stop blaming yourself, I know it's tough, we all blame ourselves to some degree, but take it from me (I'm talking to you like a Mom now)<em> CUT IT OUT!! </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>We parents have this misguided notion that we have the power to not only create these situations for our kids but then we have the power to control it and stop it. We don't. You don't have any power to change this. And, you didn't cause it, the choices he made put him where he is. Even if he was doing all of those "right" thinks around the house and looking for work, he still violated the conditions of his probation. That was his choice. You didn't hold a gun to his head.</p><p></p><p>The odd thing about our parental guilt is that it keeps the door wide opened for the enabling to continue. We did wrong so we will now do right by taking care of him. Well, if you've been reading our stories, you can easily see that that line of thinking DOESN'T WORK. You are taking the brunt of his present dilemma as if it is yours to bear, it is NOT, it is his. Take yourself out from under that mountain of guilt right now, you don't deserve it. </p><p></p><p>You did the best you could, like all of us here, and if you had known better, you would have done better. That is just being human. You are just a human being, you are not a super power, you can only do what is in front of you and then to do your best. You did that. We all did that. </p><p></p><p>You have no idea what your sons fate is. His destiny may be to be in jail now so he can have time for reflection, so he can not be smoking pot and find out what reality is like without drugs, he may meet someone there who changes his life, he may meet someone there whose life he changes, he may need a break from the real world, he may need time to understand this is NOT where he wants to be...............you have no idea what this consequence will open up or close down for him. </p><p></p><p>Pray for him. Place him in the hands of your understanding of a higher power and let him go into his own destiny. He is a man. He is the captain of his ship, not you. Take deep breaths and with each breath, let go. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is in jail right now too, so we can pray for them together. </p><p></p><p>I've been practicing techniques I am reading about in the book<u> Living Beautifully. </u>Here are two. You can place a picture of your son someplace you see it often and when you glance at it during the day, you say I<em> wish for your deepest well being.</em> Or you can write his name on a piece of paper along with the aspiration that <em>he may be safe, that he may be happy, that he may live in peace.</em> Those small actions help to allow you to let go and I believe that energy gets transmitted out there..........the energy of love. That is often all we can do, but it is in my belief, a lot.</p><p></p><p>Be kind to yourself havehadenough. And, really, take it from me, the guilt will just keep you suffering, it is not an emotion that has any benefit other then to bring you misery, let it go. Be compassionate with yourself.......</p><p></p><p>We're here, keep posting, it helps. We've got a lot of wagons around you, as they are around me and many of us now............you're not alone.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621439, member: 13542"] Oh havehadenough, you are not to blame for the choices of your son. Every single one of us here did the very best we could with our kids and they still went off the rails. You didn't cause this. You can't control it. Stop blaming yourself, I know it's tough, we all blame ourselves to some degree, but take it from me (I'm talking to you like a Mom now)[I] CUT IT OUT!! [/I] We parents have this misguided notion that we have the power to not only create these situations for our kids but then we have the power to control it and stop it. We don't. You don't have any power to change this. And, you didn't cause it, the choices he made put him where he is. Even if he was doing all of those "right" thinks around the house and looking for work, he still violated the conditions of his probation. That was his choice. You didn't hold a gun to his head. The odd thing about our parental guilt is that it keeps the door wide opened for the enabling to continue. We did wrong so we will now do right by taking care of him. Well, if you've been reading our stories, you can easily see that that line of thinking DOESN'T WORK. You are taking the brunt of his present dilemma as if it is yours to bear, it is NOT, it is his. Take yourself out from under that mountain of guilt right now, you don't deserve it. You did the best you could, like all of us here, and if you had known better, you would have done better. That is just being human. You are just a human being, you are not a super power, you can only do what is in front of you and then to do your best. You did that. We all did that. You have no idea what your sons fate is. His destiny may be to be in jail now so he can have time for reflection, so he can not be smoking pot and find out what reality is like without drugs, he may meet someone there who changes his life, he may meet someone there whose life he changes, he may need a break from the real world, he may need time to understand this is NOT where he wants to be...............you have no idea what this consequence will open up or close down for him. Pray for him. Place him in the hands of your understanding of a higher power and let him go into his own destiny. He is a man. He is the captain of his ship, not you. Take deep breaths and with each breath, let go. My daughter is in jail right now too, so we can pray for them together. I've been practicing techniques I am reading about in the book[U] Living Beautifully. [/U]Here are two. You can place a picture of your son someplace you see it often and when you glance at it during the day, you say I[I] wish for your deepest well being.[/I] Or you can write his name on a piece of paper along with the aspiration that [I]he may be safe, that he may be happy, that he may live in peace.[/I] Those small actions help to allow you to let go and I believe that energy gets transmitted out there..........the energy of love. That is often all we can do, but it is in my belief, a lot. Be kind to yourself havehadenough. And, really, take it from me, the guilt will just keep you suffering, it is not an emotion that has any benefit other then to bring you misery, let it go. Be compassionate with yourself....... We're here, keep posting, it helps. We've got a lot of wagons around you, as they are around me and many of us now............you're not alone. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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