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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621513" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Please, please,please don't worry. I don't mean you have no REASON to worry, but I think sometimes moms (and I was one) think that if we worry enough something will change for the better. I used to think that if I actually smiled while any of my kids were in need, it meant I was not only a horrible mother, but it was some sort of superstitious thing where my kid would get into MORE trouble. I felt I had to be on the lookout for my adult kids, even when they were out of my reach. I never did visit jail (two of th em came close to being jailed, but it never did happen). However, they have been on the streets and in other states where my worry did not help them one bit and it hurt ME...my mental and physical health. If you want to be good for ANYONE, your kids, your SO, yourself...you have to take good care of your self. Your son is in jail. He is 100% out of your control. What happened to get him into trouble doesn't really matter. He is probably being watched closely now and his safety is likely intact. Unfortunately, when our difficult children choose to hang around with horrible people, it says a lot about the difficult child. It is not the other peers who made them do it. It is their wish to associate with those types of people that is on their shoulders. Like hangs with like. When/if they decide to change their lives, they also change their choice of friends.</p><p></p><p>Your hurting mommy heart comes through loud and clear and I know I speak for all of us on this board when I tell you we are with you and hurting for you and very sad for you. We are also holding you up and sending warm thoughts to help, hopefully, make you feel less alone and more supported. For now, and probably for the rest of your son's adult life, you can love him, but you can't control his puzzling choices. I'm not sure a talk with him will solve anything. In fact, I am concerned that he will turn the talk into a bash session on you and make you feel bad, like it is your fault he is in this trouble. Our difficult children tend to take no responsibility for themselves and tend to blame us, their parents, on their horrible life choices. If you can have a detached, non-emotional discussion with him in which you can let his pointed words refuse to sting you, then I would say go speak your peace. You have that right. But if it will wound you and set you back, perhaps waiting a few days may be better???</p><p></p><p>I hope you can find some peace and serenity in this day. We have all had days like these. That is why I run here as soon as my biggest offender, in this time period that is 36, is acting in a terrible way. I can't tell anyone else. They don't understand. They will judge. You know we will never do that and whatever you decide to do, we are in your corner, cheering for you as if you were a rock star. We are survivors and we pick up the pieces for one another to help one another live life in spite of the sometimes dangerous choices of our grown children.</p><p></p><p>Love and light to you. Prayers also.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621513, member: 1550"] Please, please,please don't worry. I don't mean you have no REASON to worry, but I think sometimes moms (and I was one) think that if we worry enough something will change for the better. I used to think that if I actually smiled while any of my kids were in need, it meant I was not only a horrible mother, but it was some sort of superstitious thing where my kid would get into MORE trouble. I felt I had to be on the lookout for my adult kids, even when they were out of my reach. I never did visit jail (two of th em came close to being jailed, but it never did happen). However, they have been on the streets and in other states where my worry did not help them one bit and it hurt ME...my mental and physical health. If you want to be good for ANYONE, your kids, your SO, yourself...you have to take good care of your self. Your son is in jail. He is 100% out of your control. What happened to get him into trouble doesn't really matter. He is probably being watched closely now and his safety is likely intact. Unfortunately, when our difficult children choose to hang around with horrible people, it says a lot about the difficult child. It is not the other peers who made them do it. It is their wish to associate with those types of people that is on their shoulders. Like hangs with like. When/if they decide to change their lives, they also change their choice of friends. Your hurting mommy heart comes through loud and clear and I know I speak for all of us on this board when I tell you we are with you and hurting for you and very sad for you. We are also holding you up and sending warm thoughts to help, hopefully, make you feel less alone and more supported. For now, and probably for the rest of your son's adult life, you can love him, but you can't control his puzzling choices. I'm not sure a talk with him will solve anything. In fact, I am concerned that he will turn the talk into a bash session on you and make you feel bad, like it is your fault he is in this trouble. Our difficult children tend to take no responsibility for themselves and tend to blame us, their parents, on their horrible life choices. If you can have a detached, non-emotional discussion with him in which you can let his pointed words refuse to sting you, then I would say go speak your peace. You have that right. But if it will wound you and set you back, perhaps waiting a few days may be better??? I hope you can find some peace and serenity in this day. We have all had days like these. That is why I run here as soon as my biggest offender, in this time period that is 36, is acting in a terrible way. I can't tell anyone else. They don't understand. They will judge. You know we will never do that and whatever you decide to do, we are in your corner, cheering for you as if you were a rock star. We are survivors and we pick up the pieces for one another to help one another live life in spite of the sometimes dangerous choices of our grown children. Love and light to you. Prayers also. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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