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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 621617" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>Hmmm.....Here is where it matters that I don't know your son. To my eye it is kind of a nice letter. It doesn't sound particularly manipulative. It makes some assumptions, which are probably consistent with how you have interacted in the past. And it sounds like he loves you and cares about you, which is really nice.</p><p></p><p>So no, I don't feel he is trying to manipulate you...but if YOU feel that in your heart, then that is more important and more true. </p><p></p><p>Here are the assumptions:</p><p></p><p>That you will be in court</p><p></p><p>That you will work with him and with his lawyer</p><p></p><p>That you will deal with his school problems.</p><p></p><p>You can choose to do any of those things or none of those things. A lot of us choose not to go to hearings. My son's PD actually discouraged me from doing so (I had gone a few times in the past), and said I really had no place there. Not going is a pretty loud statement that his jail stuff is his stuff, his choices, his problems. Going may ease your mommy heart. I can't tell what is right for you.</p><p></p><p>As far as a lawyer, is he paying a lawyer or using a PD? Or are you paying a lawyer? I guess that makes a difference to my thinking.</p><p></p><p>And last...school. That is really up to you. Can you just call them and withdraw him? Will it take hours on the phone and two trips to the school, or just one call? Will you have to explain about him being in jail? will that be OK with you, or will that make you upset sad and angry again?</p><p></p><p>For me (and this is me, and my difficult child, take it or leave it)</p><p></p><p>I would not go to the hearing. That is his business. He made grown up decisions that got him where he is. You don't need to go to court or jail. You don't need to get dragged into that world. </p><p></p><p>I would not talk to the lawyer. All decisions are between him and his lawyer. You can waste a lot of time and effort making plans that he can overturn on a whim. If difficult child wants to talk with you about how to manage things or weight risks and benefits, that is up to you if you want to engage. It is up to him to talk to his lawyer, like a man. </p><p></p><p>I might cancel the courses if I can do it without too much effort. I would not spend hours on the phone or make more than one trip to the school. This one feels highly individual to me. </p><p></p><p>Good luck with all this. Others will weigh on on his letter, and you'll get some support in whatever you decide.</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 621617, member: 17269"] Hmmm.....Here is where it matters that I don't know your son. To my eye it is kind of a nice letter. It doesn't sound particularly manipulative. It makes some assumptions, which are probably consistent with how you have interacted in the past. And it sounds like he loves you and cares about you, which is really nice. So no, I don't feel he is trying to manipulate you...but if YOU feel that in your heart, then that is more important and more true. Here are the assumptions: That you will be in court That you will work with him and with his lawyer That you will deal with his school problems. You can choose to do any of those things or none of those things. A lot of us choose not to go to hearings. My son's PD actually discouraged me from doing so (I had gone a few times in the past), and said I really had no place there. Not going is a pretty loud statement that his jail stuff is his stuff, his choices, his problems. Going may ease your mommy heart. I can't tell what is right for you. As far as a lawyer, is he paying a lawyer or using a PD? Or are you paying a lawyer? I guess that makes a difference to my thinking. And last...school. That is really up to you. Can you just call them and withdraw him? Will it take hours on the phone and two trips to the school, or just one call? Will you have to explain about him being in jail? will that be OK with you, or will that make you upset sad and angry again? For me (and this is me, and my difficult child, take it or leave it) I would not go to the hearing. That is his business. He made grown up decisions that got him where he is. You don't need to go to court or jail. You don't need to get dragged into that world. I would not talk to the lawyer. All decisions are between him and his lawyer. You can waste a lot of time and effort making plans that he can overturn on a whim. If difficult child wants to talk with you about how to manage things or weight risks and benefits, that is up to you if you want to engage. It is up to him to talk to his lawyer, like a man. I might cancel the courses if I can do it without too much effort. I would not spend hours on the phone or make more than one trip to the school. This one feels highly individual to me. Good luck with all this. Others will weigh on on his letter, and you'll get some support in whatever you decide. Echo [/QUOTE]
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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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