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Parent Emeritus
difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 621719" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Accountability and remorse and seeing that the person who did wrong was he himself...well, that's huge. My daughter who got better never once blamed us for her drug use. She wasn't like that. She would meltdown and blame herself. And she would give hugs and not threaten to cut us out of her life. She never raised a hand to any of us in the family. She hurt herself, not others because she had a strong conscience. And she did it!!!!!</p><p></p><p>36 has always had a rather selfish heart with limited empahty, which is what holds him back. He has never made a wrong move in his life. Even saying he would take a gun and come up here and kill me was MY fault for agitating him and making him say it.And, yes, he has threatened me with physical force in my presence and has actually put his hands on his dad, but, of course, it was our faults. And he has never really changed because he can not see that he controls himself. He thinks everyone else "makes" him do things so how can he get better when the world is out to get him? Your difficult child does not sound like that sort of mentality.</p><p></p><p>I think your difficult child with the good heart has an excellent change of recovery. He is a good kid at heart, he loves you, he probably really wants to do the right thing and you just need to wait for him to decide he's ready to do it. I certainly have high hopes for him, although do not expect it right away, but...do keep your hopes high and, meanwhile, continue to try to live a good life for yourself while he works out his kinks. Encourage his loving nature, even when he messes up. We did this with my daughter. We fought a lot, but we said how much we loved one another a lot and it got through to her, just like I think it will get through to your difficult child. Some young adults go through bad phases and, because they do care, they straighten out. Keep The Faith <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 621719, member: 1550"] Accountability and remorse and seeing that the person who did wrong was he himself...well, that's huge. My daughter who got better never once blamed us for her drug use. She wasn't like that. She would meltdown and blame herself. And she would give hugs and not threaten to cut us out of her life. She never raised a hand to any of us in the family. She hurt herself, not others because she had a strong conscience. And she did it!!!!! 36 has always had a rather selfish heart with limited empahty, which is what holds him back. He has never made a wrong move in his life. Even saying he would take a gun and come up here and kill me was MY fault for agitating him and making him say it.And, yes, he has threatened me with physical force in my presence and has actually put his hands on his dad, but, of course, it was our faults. And he has never really changed because he can not see that he controls himself. He thinks everyone else "makes" him do things so how can he get better when the world is out to get him? Your difficult child does not sound like that sort of mentality. I think your difficult child with the good heart has an excellent change of recovery. He is a good kid at heart, he loves you, he probably really wants to do the right thing and you just need to wait for him to decide he's ready to do it. I certainly have high hopes for him, although do not expect it right away, but...do keep your hopes high and, meanwhile, continue to try to live a good life for yourself while he works out his kinks. Encourage his loving nature, even when he messes up. We did this with my daughter. We fought a lot, but we said how much we loved one another a lot and it got through to her, just like I think it will get through to your difficult child. Some young adults go through bad phases and, because they do care, they straighten out. Keep The Faith :) [/QUOTE]
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difficult child is back in jail....and God it is depressing
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