I'm so sorry you don't have any real support or help for your son or yourself. It's an isolating experience.
I would use the autism label when asking for help because that covers most of the behaviors you mentioned. Maybe check the autism groups in your area for a referral to someone who would have real experience with these issues. If you know anyone else with an autistic kid, ask them who they've found helpful. It's a small community - you'll start to see the same people over and over. I'm a big fan of chatting people up for their suggestions.
I too have a complex kid and it took many years with many experts to even begin to sort it out. Be persistent in your search and don't be afraid to walk away if they aren't helping. Good luck!
