I can't add much to what has been already said. I can, however, reiterate that you should cry.
I'm not a crier. I didn't cry when my beloved husband said it was the child I wanted to adopt or him. I didn't cry when my daughter tried to stab me or deliberately broke any possession I had that was important to me. I didn't cry when she called social services on me and they believed her claims of abuse.
I finally cried when she was 18 and left home for the first time. I cried for almost two hours straight. It was the most cathartic, releasing thing I could have done for myself. I should have released my pain many times before. So should you.
I understand the fear of starting and not being able to stop, but you will stop. I understand the fear of losing control, but you will have control.
I had the benefit of being able to cry alone. You have little ones, so don't have that. You can, however, take a shower and cry your heart out. You can stuff your face into your pillow and cry and scream. You've earned the right to do this. Don't deprive yourself of the release. I wished I hadn't -- I truly believe a lot of my depression stems from my fear of crying through the years.