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General Parenting
difficult child is genuinely MEAN - Ugh!!
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<blockquote data-quote="trinityroyal" data-source="post: 128772" data-attributes="member: 3907"><p>{{{{{Hugs}}}}} Dara,</p><p>I'm sorry that you're having to deal with that.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child used to run his mouth and say the most horrible hurtful things. He tempers it (slightly) with me and husband, but I have heard him call his sister every vile name in the book including [female dog] and [word referring to female parts that starts with C]. There are times when, much as we love our children, we just don't like them very much. Perfectly normal, and you have every right to feel that way, and to take a break from your difficult child when you do.</p><p></p><p>As far as the mouthiness and angry words, the only thing I have ever found that works is to not react at all (well, not visibly anyway), and provide a consequence for every time she says something nasty.</p><p></p><p>The speech I use with difficult child goes something like this:</p><p></p><p>"Until you are prepared to speak respectfully to me, I am not prepared to listen to you." And then I would walk away.</p><p></p><p>The staff at his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) have a time-consequence system. For every verbal outburst (swearing, defiance, etc.) he loses 5 minutes of his daily free time. Instead of free time, he gets time out in his room. There have been days when he accumulated more than 60 min of time out, but overall the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) reports that there are significant improvements.</p><p></p><p>I think sometimes our difficult children almost need to pick a fight in order to generate the chaos that so many of them seem to thrive on. If you don't give it the payoff, then maybe that will help.</p><p></p><p>Trinity</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="trinityroyal, post: 128772, member: 3907"] {{{{{Hugs}}}}} Dara, I'm sorry that you're having to deal with that. My difficult child used to run his mouth and say the most horrible hurtful things. He tempers it (slightly) with me and husband, but I have heard him call his sister every vile name in the book including [female dog] and [word referring to female parts that starts with C]. There are times when, much as we love our children, we just don't like them very much. Perfectly normal, and you have every right to feel that way, and to take a break from your difficult child when you do. As far as the mouthiness and angry words, the only thing I have ever found that works is to not react at all (well, not visibly anyway), and provide a consequence for every time she says something nasty. The speech I use with difficult child goes something like this: "Until you are prepared to speak respectfully to me, I am not prepared to listen to you." And then I would walk away. The staff at his Residential Treatment Center (RTC) have a time-consequence system. For every verbal outburst (swearing, defiance, etc.) he loses 5 minutes of his daily free time. Instead of free time, he gets time out in his room. There have been days when he accumulated more than 60 min of time out, but overall the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) reports that there are significant improvements. I think sometimes our difficult children almost need to pick a fight in order to generate the chaos that so many of them seem to thrive on. If you don't give it the payoff, then maybe that will help. Trinity [/QUOTE]
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