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Katmom,  I totally understand.  We have so much hope when they are doing well.  We allow ourselves to think that this is it.  This time they get it and they are going to make it.  Then our hopes are dashed yet again and the pain gets so hard to handle that we end up numbing our emotions towards them.  I have not even written to my difficult child for over two months.  I just simply do not know what to say anymore and I am so angry that he continuse to hurt himself through his poor choices.  I can only think about him in small doses and I try to fill the rest of my time with more rewarding pursuits.  I don't know if anything I have said helps you but know that I understand and I am praying for you.  (((HUGS)))  -RM