difficult child is in jail

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by everywoman, Apr 2, 2007.

  1. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    My sister in law just called to check on me. She told me. husband didn't even bother to call and let me know today---I guess he wanted to let me get through the workday. He is in county lock up for stealing a check, trying to cash it, using a vehicle without the owner's permission. He has stolen from at least three people this weekend that I know of--sister in law, friend's grandfather, and another girl. I am sick at the stomach--but trying hard to detach. What can you even say as a parent?? He is a liar and a theif and an addict. He had a chance to change---and chose not to. DETACH, DETACH, DETACH!
  2. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Katmom, I am so sorry. :frown:
    Yes, <span style="color: #33FFFF">detach</span> for sure!
    What is your role in this? Where is he living? Can you deliberately not bail him out so he goes through the system? I see he's already been in rehab... I guess it didn't work very well.
    (I know someone who did that when his son spraypainted gov't property. It was the only way they could force him into alcohol rehab, but he had to do the jail sentence first.)

    Hugs and peace coming your way.
  3. judi

    judi Active Member

    So sorry Katmom. Believe me, I know the feeling of going to the jail to see my son. Since he's 18, is he mentally able to handle his own problems? If he is able to steal, does he understand it is wrong? If so, he's on his own. Good luck.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sending caring and understanding support. been there done that. It's darn hard to detach but give it your best shot. hugs. DDD
  5. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I will not go see him in jail. He did this. We have done everything in our power to help this young man. He chose his path. We kicked him out last week when it became apparent he was actively using again. His "loser" friends let him stay with them. They are on drugs badly, and we tried to tell them to leave difficult child alone, but they wouldn't listen. He did what he does best---stole from theit family---and got caught trying to cash a check at a local store owned by a friend of mine. She knew it was him, called us, then called the police. Four deputies picked him up. husband is concerned that he will have withdrawals and have a seizure. He told husband if he had to stay the night he would kill himself. husband called and had him put on suicide watch. husband also talked to the jail chaplain who is also a close family friend, and Charles is going to check on him. (The pitfalls and perks of being prominent citizens in a small town!) We know he stole close to $200 this weekend---maybe more----The stolen check he tried to cash was for $200. As best we can figure he's probably using about $100 a day in coke and/or xanex---he drugs of choice when he's binging.
  6. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry. You are right, he has chosen this path. Tough love is all you can do right now. We had to put our difficult child in detention for the weekend ourselves to try to prevent just what is happening to yours. You've done everything you can, trust in your friend to make sure he is safe and hopefully he can get some help for his addiction in the end. Ugh I wish they could see th efull impact of the choices they are making.

    Hugs and hang in there,
  7. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Oh Katmom, I am so sorry. I am sure it hurts even when you detach.
  8. Hanging-On

    Hanging-On New Member

    I'm so sorry things have gone so bad. I hope he can wake up, and change. Miracles do happen, I hope he's one. Until then I think detaching is the healthiest thing for you. Sending {{{HUGS}}}.
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    I'm so sorry!!! It's so hard as our difficult children get older and we lose control over them!!! We have to preserve our sanity. Even though we love them and want what's best for them, we can't control them. We have to preserve our sanity. in my humble opinion, I don't think we have any other choice but detachment. Sending cyber hugs. WFEN
  10. mom_in_training

    mom_in_training New Member

    Awww Katmom, I am too sorry that you are having to deal with this. trying to pass a check fraudently is not taken lightly at all. Do not recall if he has been arrested before but with him now being an adult can make matters worse for him especially if he has a record as an adult. Not to freak you out but I knew of somebody that did the same to include using anothers car without permission and ended up doing time for almost 6 years for it but he did have a record as an adult.

    Detach! Detach! Detach! Katmom. Its unfortunate that hes made bad choices but he is an adult and will have to face the natural consequences for his actions and hopefully will learn from it all.
  11. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

  12. CsonStar

    CsonStar New Member

    The only thing that I can tell you, is just keep in mind that this is NOT your fault. As has been stated before, I have a 13 year old daughter that is no longer in the home due to stealing. And at first I blamed myself, for not doing a better job to lead her away from such actions. Turns out, she has had a history of it before she moved into our house (I posted our "situation" on another post) ... And now she is with a "foster" parent, who is a trained professional in dealing with childern like her. However, since going in, she has stolen from her as well. So who knows how it will all turn out, but the most important thing to realize is that this is the CHILDS choice and problems, not your own. If you can look yourself in the mirror and be honest and say you did the best you could, they just made the wrong choices, than at the end of the day, that is all we really can do. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  13. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member


    Just sending a great big {{{{hug}}}}.

  14. guest3

    guest3 Guest

    &lt;HUGS & PRAYERS&gt;
  15. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Kat, I'm so sorry. I know how humiliated and sad you must be. The one thing I would add is that not only did he have a chance to change, he still has a chance to change. You just aren't obligated to hold your breath waiting for it. He either will or he won't. Today or tomorrow or next week, or next year, or when he's 40.

    {{{{{{{{{{{Big Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}
  16. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    The pain that I feel in my heart is almost intolerable. I don't know how to go about facing the rest of my week. Thursday is our last day of school before spring break---then I am off until the 15th. I just hope I can hold out until then. This is so hard. Two months ago he was great. He was clean and sober and doing well. It only takes a short while before the ugliness of addiction creeps back into your life.
  17. MeadowLark

    MeadowLark New Member

    (((((HUGGLES)))))) for you. I'm sorry Kat. :frown:
    sigh.... it seems like this spring season is full of yucky stuff.
    Sending up some prayers for peace and comfort for you.
    Give me a holler if you feel up to it.
  18. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm so sorry-sending good thoughts, hugs, and prayers your way.
  19. Loris

    Loris New Member

    I'm sorry. The addictions are powerful and ultimately they have to pay the price. I pray he learns from it. My prayers are with you.
  20. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I am very sorry for your pain and suffering...{{{{{ big hugs}}}}}}