difficult child is slipping

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Andy, Mar 9, 2009.

  1. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    difficult child has been "off" lately. I think I blame it on his very busy week last week and the time change though I let him stay home Sunday morning. He is not getting the sleep he needs lately.

    He has started in with his "fears". All of which are minor (in my mind) and all of which will have a tragic ending (in his mind).

    This morning he stated he did not want to go to school but did not argue about it. I received a phone call from his teacher at 12:30. difficult child has a migrane. Teacher gave him his medication at 11:50 and he sat out during recess. He just threw up. So, I finished up what I was doing and got to school about 1:00.

    difficult child states the back of his head felt weird during chapel (11:30) and then his entire head hurt - especially his forehead. Then his neck felt weird as if there was a lump in it. He thinks he will not be able to talk.

    To back up to last weekend, he did get a lump in his throat before the performance of the Spring Musical - I told him that was normal. So, my way of thinking is that his "lump in my throat" feeling is his newest anxiety symptom.

    So, on the way home, he bravely states "I suppose if I loose my voice I can always write everything." (My humor wanted to reply with "Oh, My Hero!" but my intelligence responded quietly with "Oh Brother!" - out of earshot of course.)

    I told him to go lay down in his room. He stated that if this was his anxiety than laying down will make it worse. I replied that he was to focus on getting rid of his migrane and rest would also help any anxiety.

    He felt much better by 3:00 and I took him to his Monday bowling league. He didn't do well on 1st game (94) and just a little better at the 2nd game (103). He was complaining there was too many distractions. I told him that he needed to learn to shut those out. Once the games were over and almost everyone had left, I paid for him to play a 3rd game. Now that it was quiet, he bowled 171! That was fun to watch! We are going to get some earplugs for the league bowling. It was so amazing to watch as he bowled strikes and spares left and right! Wow!!!!

    Anyway, back to the original reason of the post. I get so sidetracked at times - but 171! WOW!!! difficult child is stating now that he thinks that at school he was having a panic attack. He is wondering if something is wrong with him because it has been over one year since he has had all those lab and tests. Maybe he should get tested again. What if his anxiety is coming back (Umm, I think it has arrived - at least the first train car).

    He says he is sorry that I have to listen to him complain. He has also stated that he should probably stop watching his most favorite show of all time: House - difficult child says it is giving him too many ideas. Well, I think the damage has been done but it is worth a shot.

    I'm trying my best to get him to use his coping skills to diminish this. (Maybe I should take him bowling again? I know it helps my side of this.)
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Do you think it's worth revisiting the medication aspect of treatment for him?

    Earplugs sound great for his concentration :)

    Has he tried biofeedback ever? Or guided imagery?
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I have increased his therapist appts and I think part of this, if not all, is around his upcoming trip to NYC.

    I am willing to revisit the medications - it just doesn't seem right at this time though. Hard to explain why - just a mother's instinct.

    He has his Stress Eraser which monitors his breathing techniques and does some imagery. I am trying to get him to work on the Stress Eraser again.

    I just asked him again if he had concerns about NYC. He said he is afraid that he will miss me and not be able to call me like today. I asked why he didn't call me today and Duh, he doesn't have my new work number.

    I told him that I am sure he will only be homesick at night in the hotel room while unwinding for bed. He will be too busy the rest of the time to get homesick.

    I think we have to work through this trip. His success with this trip will also be a tool against future anxiety issues. I have no reservations at all that this trip will be successful. If I start feeling otherwise, we can always cancel.
  4. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator


    I would try to get him back on a regular schedule with very little extras up until he leaves for NY. My Duckie is pretty gregarious and likes to be really involved. That being said... she also needs some down time to recharge her batteries. Routine, good sleep, exercise and a healthy diet go a long way to keeping her feeling well.
  5. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you Tired - you are so right - regular schedule and more sleep here we come!
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I have found that thank you gets a lot of anxiety problems when his schedule gets changed a lot. Even if they change the schedule in school it can have problems. He gets much more sensory overload when he is anxious.

    We have used meditation tapes by Jonathan Parker simply because we have a TON of them. husband bought them before we married, but they still play and are excellent for getting the kids to relax and go to sleep. I even use them during my migraines because his voice is a great sedative and relaxer to me.

    I also have to forcibly limit thank you's extracurricular activities and outings to 1 per week. He can only have 1 activity at a time. This year it has been scouts, so no basketball. He must CHOOSE, because 2 activities and he really melts down more intensely and more frequently. his meltdowns are not rages like Wiz used to have, mostly he just falls apart and cries and yells until he gets a migraine.

    I think the stress eraser and some more techniques for relaxing. Maybe a yoga DVD to do when he is anxious?

    We were also advised by every therapist and psychiatrist that if one of the kids came home from school due to anxiety problems then they couldn't do afterschool activities that day. I don't always follow this. It often depends on the CAUSE of the anxiety for me.

    Gentle hugs to both of you. At least he apologized for all the anxious things he said.
  7. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Thank you Susie!

    We have cut out two days per week tutoring and one day per week trumpet so are down to one day per week bowling. That has helped a lot!

    Taking him bowling today was a tough decision for me. I was going back and forth of if I should or shouldn't. He has lived for bowling lately and it is a good self esteem lifter for him. He knew if he came home from school there was a chance he couldn't go bowling. That stress in itself may have contributed to the level of pain in the migraine.

    Migranes are nasty and once they are over with life can go on. If he was sent home with anything else (flu/cold/fever/whatever) there would be no question of keeping him home. However, I could tell he was much better by 3:00. For him, he has to know that we work through being sick. Everyone gets sick but they also get better. I think keeping him home would have been discouraging for him the next time he gets a migrane. He may think, "Well there goes the rest of the day, why bother?" I want him to take the right steps to get better and then back into the schedule. Know what I mean?? Hope that makes sense.

    Like you, I believe in a case by case evaluation of how to treat the rest of the day's schedule. Now, if there starts to be a history of missing school we would have to revisit what is going on and maybe taking away fun activities will have to be.

    He now states that maybe he had a panic attack because he couldn't call me. I do believe the migrane was there and it was possible it contributed to a panic attack which would explain the lump in his throat feeling.

    He is recognizing his need to catch up on sleep and has put himself to bed early tonight. There is hope for him! This gives us a great opportunity to discuss his NYC fears. You know, it is hard to bring this up when there is no issues - "Umm, difficult child, just in case you get scared ......." Introducing the possibility of a fear to an anxiety driven person is tricky. They jump to the conclusion that the bad thing will happen. Now I can say, "difficult child, if this happens in NYC, what should you do?" I am also talking alot about how homesickness is normal and nothing to fear. If he expects it, it may not be so bad? It also usually happens mainly at bed time. I think he will be as prepared as possible.