difficult child had a violent episode in his group home a month ago. He has worked hard to get out of the psychiatric hospital, and to have the group home agree to take him back. But now his residency there, seems to have come at the cost of hanging this episode over his head. The house director called me Friday, and told me that "he is inconsistent at best." I told him that he really had a lot on his plate this week; transitioning back into the home - out of the blue, with-out prep being told he would not see his family at cmas - having kids cuss and yell at him for being back at the home. The director replied, "well, it will take us all awhile to trust him. We have had a lot of troubled kids here, but I have never had one that has done this much damage or been that destructive. He has a lot of trust building to do with everyone." My heart just seemed to have another hole poked in it. I guess I was under the assumption that this home would accept him back assuming the best, not the worst. Matt will live up to whatever expectation is placed before him. And to hear, once again, that my kid is the worst they have seen - geez - the times are too numerous to remember. (And who tells a parent that anyway - how freaking mean.) I am such a mess. I had nightmares all night about everything. One including that H came back for a day to visit. Even though she was dead, she came to visit. I hugged her in the dream and cried, and cried. Then the nightmare switched to difficult child and having dr after dr tell me how horrible he is. I am at the end here folks. The very, very end. Where is the hope with this, if the group home does not even impart it to me or Matt.