So difficult child is 7. Officially diagnosed Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) and ADHD. Though the Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) diagnosis is being greatly questioned at this point. doctor believes there may be a personality disorder going on but he's too young to diagnose. He also has issues with anxiety and some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) traits. We have tried medications to help with those, but he actually had bed wetting with both, which is apparently a rare but possible side effect. Bed wetting stopped as soon as the medication was stopped. We are going this week to have him started on something to control the impulsivity. He is not as physically impulsive as he is verbally.
Sometimes the verbal impulsivity is not mean (but its still his way of being like "screw you, don't tell me what to do"). He calls out in class, talks non stop and if he is told to stop talking, he just keeps going. If the teacher is reading a story, she will tell the kids not to ask questions or share their thought until the end. difficult child just calls out and starts talking about what he thinks on the story while they are still reading.
However, this also has a mean side. He says whatever he wants when he's mad. He's just down right rude. He has GREAT difficulty making friends because of this. Really he has no good friends, just a few kids that basically ignore his verbal abuse or take it. I feel bad for his "friends".
difficult child can be told NOTHING without a nasty remark back. He has serious control issues and cannot handle any form of interaction where he is not 100% in control and the boss. This morning he and our middle (normal, wonderful) son were going outside to wait for the bus. I opened the door and said, "Its cold guys, put your coats on." Middle child put on his coat. difficult child said very sarcastically, "Oh I forgot my coat on this bright sunny day." There was a pause, he looked at me and I knew he was being nasty, but I ignored it. So he continued, "I don't need a coat today, you're stupid its hot out"....
At which point the new "discipline" the doctor has suggested is to send him to his room or take away bed time. Yeah, ok, because he now knows if he is nasty at a time he cant sit in his room, like before the bus comes, he gets bed time taken away. And he ends up in bed at like 5pm because he just doesn't give a crap about any consequences. I've tried *everything* and I mean everything. He doesn't care. Kids have physically attacked him at school because of his mouth (which is a whole other issue). I got a call last week that he was asking a little girl about if she skipped a grade and she said no, but he insisted she did. He kept badgering her even after she asked him to stop. She started crying and so both were sent to the guidance councilor. Its like he has this weird combination of not being able to just shut up with enjoying getting others upset. Like I said, he has been hit in school by kids who have told him to leave them alone and he refuses.
And please do not picture an aspie kid that doesn't know better. I've watched him. He waits for a reaction, like today. He waited for my reaction, and when his sarcastic remark didn't get it, he continued. This behavior occurs whenever he is "controlled". Or what he perceives as control. If the teacher telling him he cant talk, he's going to talk.
Our social worker got to see this in action during our last visit. It was time to go and I told him to clean up, but he had to finish his building tower (sounds like Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) right? No...) so to SHOW them what we are dealing with, I then said to him he is not allow to clean up until his building is done....and he stopped and started cleaning up and began barking at me that its time to clean up and I don't know what I'm talking about...and wait so I said, "good its time to clean up, so clean up the blocks"...and he started to argue he had to finish and went back to building! And the social worker saw what we've been trying to tell them. He must do the opposite of what he is told, he must argue everything. It was never about finishing the tower or cleaning up, Its about he must call the shots.
The issue is, his verbal comments at home are rude and just not acceptable here. And he is punished basically 24/7, we are at the point that he spends most of his time in his room so he is not with the family talking rudely. I don't know what to do. To be honest, I was raised that the last most consequence was a spanking, and I've tried that. He doesn't care. Its useless on him and I'm tired of people telling me all he needs is a good spanking. And yet its like you can't *tell* anyone you've tried spanking your kids because omg that's so wrong now. When we were growing up, you were shamed if you didn't spank your kids...you just cant win either way. I was terrified of getting spanked as a kid. I believe if that won't deter difficult child, nothing will.
We tried positive reinforcement. He doesn't care. He responses to nothing. Seriously. Nothing. I've had some worries that there is a deeper mental illness that is not yet diagnosed.
We go back to the doctor this week, but they keep insisting that even kids like him will respond to consistent consequences (like being put in his room or going to bed early). I'm convinced kids like difficult child would die before they bend to listen to anyone.
Anyone else deal with this??
