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difficult child left after christmas breakfast
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<blockquote data-quote="ScentofCedar" data-source="post: 7950" data-attributes="member: 3353"><p>Nomad, I love The Dog Whisperer, too. I think your suggestion was a good one (about thinking about how the dog whisperer does it when we are confronted with something totally out of left field with our kids). What I see him doing is to always strive to maintain his own energy level at "calm dominance". Another thing he does is watch the animals he is working with to assess their moods immediately, and to defray the potential crisis before it happens. (When I am in the midst of a crisis with my difficult child, I always try to pretend that what I see happening is not happening, at all.) :tongue:</p><p></p><p>I thought alot about my own difficult child, and how rattled he gets me, as I watched the first few episodes of "The Dog Whisperer". When our kids are involved in things they shouldn't be, it is hard to know how to resond at all, let alone get control of the situation.</p><p></p><p>Most of the time, I fall back on (and I think we all do this) whatever would work, or would be the appropriate response, in a normal situation. (Like the time I wound up making breakfast for the second time that day when difficult child stopped over with the strangest woman, and made our lives miserable for an hour or two while he waited for the money husband then ran into town to get for him. difficult child and his sister were fighting tooth and nail, the woman is telling me how wonderful my son is really and I...served coffee and made breakfast again. So weird....)</p><p></p><p>It sounds so strange now, even to write about it.</p><p></p><p>But I did not know what else to do.</p><p></p><p>I think many of us find ourselves in that position, where our difficult child kids are concerned.</p><p></p><p>We just have no idea how to react to situations we cannot believe are happening.</p><p></p><p>Calm dominance is an easy phrase to remember.</p><p></p><p>It's like a little mantra we can say to keep ourselves intact.</p><p></p><p>And not to offend anyone here, but watching how calm Ceasar stays in the face of whatever the dog is doing has helped me hold fast, too.</p><p></p><p>Part of the reason a difficult child child is so difficult is because while they are attacking us, some part of us is telling ourselves this is all our own fault ~ we MUST have been poor parents, or these things would not be happening.</p><p></p><p>That phrase "calm dominance" and remembering how The Dog Whisperer talks about the energy he is projecting and where he wants his energy to be has been very helpful to me in responding to the craziness of interacting with a difficult child child whom I love, but who is coming totally from left field.</p><p></p><p>So I think The Dog Whisperer is an excellent thing for all of us who are coping with difficult child children, whatever their ages.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child is 31. His behaviors are still so diametrically opposed to anything I envisioned myself dealing with that ~ I don't know. I get that deer in the headlights feeling alot to this day.</p><p></p><p>I am all for taking any help I can get. The only thing that has changed is that now, I am trying to help myself maintain some sense of my own integrity.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child seems almost determined to destroy that.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ScentofCedar, post: 7950, member: 3353"] Nomad, I love The Dog Whisperer, too. I think your suggestion was a good one (about thinking about how the dog whisperer does it when we are confronted with something totally out of left field with our kids). What I see him doing is to always strive to maintain his own energy level at "calm dominance". Another thing he does is watch the animals he is working with to assess their moods immediately, and to defray the potential crisis before it happens. (When I am in the midst of a crisis with my difficult child, I always try to pretend that what I see happening is not happening, at all.) [img]:tongue:[/img] I thought alot about my own difficult child, and how rattled he gets me, as I watched the first few episodes of "The Dog Whisperer". When our kids are involved in things they shouldn't be, it is hard to know how to resond at all, let alone get control of the situation. Most of the time, I fall back on (and I think we all do this) whatever would work, or would be the appropriate response, in a normal situation. (Like the time I wound up making breakfast for the second time that day when difficult child stopped over with the strangest woman, and made our lives miserable for an hour or two while he waited for the money husband then ran into town to get for him. difficult child and his sister were fighting tooth and nail, the woman is telling me how wonderful my son is really and I...served coffee and made breakfast again. So weird....) It sounds so strange now, even to write about it. But I did not know what else to do. I think many of us find ourselves in that position, where our difficult child kids are concerned. We just have no idea how to react to situations we cannot believe are happening. Calm dominance is an easy phrase to remember. It's like a little mantra we can say to keep ourselves intact. And not to offend anyone here, but watching how calm Ceasar stays in the face of whatever the dog is doing has helped me hold fast, too. Part of the reason a difficult child child is so difficult is because while they are attacking us, some part of us is telling ourselves this is all our own fault ~ we MUST have been poor parents, or these things would not be happening. That phrase "calm dominance" and remembering how The Dog Whisperer talks about the energy he is projecting and where he wants his energy to be has been very helpful to me in responding to the craziness of interacting with a difficult child child whom I love, but who is coming totally from left field. So I think The Dog Whisperer is an excellent thing for all of us who are coping with difficult child children, whatever their ages. My difficult child is 31. His behaviors are still so diametrically opposed to anything I envisioned myself dealing with that ~ I don't know. I get that deer in the headlights feeling alot to this day. I am all for taking any help I can get. The only thing that has changed is that now, I am trying to help myself maintain some sense of my own integrity. My difficult child seems almost determined to destroy that. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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