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Substance Abuse
difficult child lost one of her jobs
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 560276" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>Exhausted. I only act out at home now. Im sure when I was younger I was much more like your daughter but there was never a name for this. I dont have a whole lot of memories of stuff as a teen because, well, it was a haze...lol. I do know that when I first got with Tony I was awful. The fact that he stayed with me is a mystery. I did everything in my power to force him to leave me because I was just so sure he wouldnt stick around because no one else ever had. I just knew no one could ever love me. That is the fundamental underlying thing that borderline is built on. We simply feel that we have no self worth and we are completely useless and unlovable and everyone will leave us someday. Because of that we will always try to control situations so that we can call the shots and not allow anyone to be able to hurt us first. We do the hurting. I will strike first. </p><p></p><p>I am sure whatever your daughter says or does is motivated by fear. It may come out as anger but it is based in fear. When she can learn to put another emotion to what comes out as anger, then she will get better. </p><p></p><p>Let me give you an example.</p><p></p><p>One night Tony was due home from working out of town. He had been up in VA for two weeks and he had told me they were leaving the motel at 11am. That should have put him home at my house around no later than 6pm. Okay. 6 comes and he isnt home. I start to worry. 7 comes and I get more worried. 8 comes and I am ticked. 9 comes and I try to call his bosses wife and she doesnt answer. 10 comes and I am so mad Im pacing. I am imaging everything from them just having car trouble to them crashing into a semi to them all being arrested. He walks in at about 11:30 only to be met by me screaming like a lunatic at him and throwing everything I could get my hands on at him all the while telling him he was a GD Liar about where he had been because I had called the motel and they had checked out that morning and where the MFing hell had he been all day? yeah..lovely rant. </p><p></p><p>Then he gets mad and at midnight we are going at it like to tigers. </p><p></p><p>What really happened? They checked out of the motel but had to work on the job until 5 but he didnt have a way to call me and let me know because I had the only cell phone. </p><p></p><p>In reality, I wasnt mad at him, I was scared to death of what could have happened to him but I didnt know how to put names to my emotions yet. I knew maybe 3/4 emotions at that time. I knew anger/rage/happy/sad. I had to learn more.</p><p></p><p>How we solved my worry problem was we got two cell phones so that when he is working and on the road, he has his phone and he can call me. Then I dont have to worry. </p><p></p><p>Now obviously I do have a pretty good understanding of my disorder so I can tell when things arent going well but things still go wrong for me. I still get upset. I still cant help some of the stuff that I do. I used to cut myself or put holes in the walls. I was infamous for throwing things out windows or doors. Once in a blue moon I still might throw a plate if I have no other outlet for frustration. That hadnt happened in awhile before Buck came onto the scene but he has stressed me out quite a bit. </p><p></p><p>I hope that something I say helps you understand better. Heck, maybe something I say will help you talk to your daughter and help her understand herself better.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 560276, member: 1514"] Exhausted. I only act out at home now. Im sure when I was younger I was much more like your daughter but there was never a name for this. I dont have a whole lot of memories of stuff as a teen because, well, it was a haze...lol. I do know that when I first got with Tony I was awful. The fact that he stayed with me is a mystery. I did everything in my power to force him to leave me because I was just so sure he wouldnt stick around because no one else ever had. I just knew no one could ever love me. That is the fundamental underlying thing that borderline is built on. We simply feel that we have no self worth and we are completely useless and unlovable and everyone will leave us someday. Because of that we will always try to control situations so that we can call the shots and not allow anyone to be able to hurt us first. We do the hurting. I will strike first. I am sure whatever your daughter says or does is motivated by fear. It may come out as anger but it is based in fear. When she can learn to put another emotion to what comes out as anger, then she will get better. Let me give you an example. One night Tony was due home from working out of town. He had been up in VA for two weeks and he had told me they were leaving the motel at 11am. That should have put him home at my house around no later than 6pm. Okay. 6 comes and he isnt home. I start to worry. 7 comes and I get more worried. 8 comes and I am ticked. 9 comes and I try to call his bosses wife and she doesnt answer. 10 comes and I am so mad Im pacing. I am imaging everything from them just having car trouble to them crashing into a semi to them all being arrested. He walks in at about 11:30 only to be met by me screaming like a lunatic at him and throwing everything I could get my hands on at him all the while telling him he was a GD Liar about where he had been because I had called the motel and they had checked out that morning and where the MFing hell had he been all day? yeah..lovely rant. Then he gets mad and at midnight we are going at it like to tigers. What really happened? They checked out of the motel but had to work on the job until 5 but he didnt have a way to call me and let me know because I had the only cell phone. In reality, I wasnt mad at him, I was scared to death of what could have happened to him but I didnt know how to put names to my emotions yet. I knew maybe 3/4 emotions at that time. I knew anger/rage/happy/sad. I had to learn more. How we solved my worry problem was we got two cell phones so that when he is working and on the road, he has his phone and he can call me. Then I dont have to worry. Now obviously I do have a pretty good understanding of my disorder so I can tell when things arent going well but things still go wrong for me. I still get upset. I still cant help some of the stuff that I do. I used to cut myself or put holes in the walls. I was infamous for throwing things out windows or doors. Once in a blue moon I still might throw a plate if I have no other outlet for frustration. That hadnt happened in awhile before Buck came onto the scene but he has stressed me out quite a bit. I hope that something I say helps you understand better. Heck, maybe something I say will help you talk to your daughter and help her understand herself better. [/QUOTE]
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