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General Parenting
difficult child needs therapy but refuses, don't know how to approach it
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 315768" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I don't fully agree. I truly never cared if my kids wanted to go to therapy, a doctor, get vaccines, or most any other form of health care. I can guarantee that at age 10 even Wiz knew not to push me too hard on it. </p><p></p><p>You cannot make her participate. This is true. You can offer incentives. Sometimes that helps.</p><p></p><p>Often the child cannot see how it will help and why bother. A good therapist will gain insight even when the child refuses to talk. Most, esp at her age, should make some other activity or game be the "focus". Then therapy happens during the game. At one point I did tell Wiz that if he refused to go to the therapist then he had best get used to a room with nothing but a bed, a blanket, a pillow and a light. And no clothing choices - clothing would be handed out to him each day. MY choice of clothing. </p><p></p><p>I rarely went that hard at anything, but we were approaching a crisis and he NEEDED the therapy. If she doesn't want to talk, she can sit their and listen to you and the therapist talk, or sit in the waiting room while you and teh therapist chat.</p><p></p><p>That way the therapist can get to know more about her, help you parent, and at some point hopefully begin to participate. </p><p></p><p>My kids didn't balk too often because they KNEW that I felt it was in their best interest and they KNEW that I would do exactly what I said I would do. Every last bit of it.</p><p></p><p>I am NOT saying that what I did would work for you. Though I do strongly feel that if you can get her there, esp if she can listen to you and the therapist talk, she might join in. It is not a sure bet, but it is possible. Esp if you can distract her by playing cards or whatever with her and the doctor.</p><p></p><p>EVERY therapist who approached one of my kids to sit and talk back and forth failed. The ones who succeeded were the ones who went slow and used a game or activity to build a relationship.</p><p></p><p>Just in my humble opinion. I realize that each difficult child and family is different, so this might be a disaster for you. </p><p></p><p>I hope you can find the help she needs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 315768, member: 1233"] I don't fully agree. I truly never cared if my kids wanted to go to therapy, a doctor, get vaccines, or most any other form of health care. I can guarantee that at age 10 even Wiz knew not to push me too hard on it. You cannot make her participate. This is true. You can offer incentives. Sometimes that helps. Often the child cannot see how it will help and why bother. A good therapist will gain insight even when the child refuses to talk. Most, esp at her age, should make some other activity or game be the "focus". Then therapy happens during the game. At one point I did tell Wiz that if he refused to go to the therapist then he had best get used to a room with nothing but a bed, a blanket, a pillow and a light. And no clothing choices - clothing would be handed out to him each day. MY choice of clothing. I rarely went that hard at anything, but we were approaching a crisis and he NEEDED the therapy. If she doesn't want to talk, she can sit their and listen to you and the therapist talk, or sit in the waiting room while you and teh therapist chat. That way the therapist can get to know more about her, help you parent, and at some point hopefully begin to participate. My kids didn't balk too often because they KNEW that I felt it was in their best interest and they KNEW that I would do exactly what I said I would do. Every last bit of it. I am NOT saying that what I did would work for you. Though I do strongly feel that if you can get her there, esp if she can listen to you and the therapist talk, she might join in. It is not a sure bet, but it is possible. Esp if you can distract her by playing cards or whatever with her and the doctor. EVERY therapist who approached one of my kids to sit and talk back and forth failed. The ones who succeeded were the ones who went slow and used a game or activity to build a relationship. Just in my humble opinion. I realize that each difficult child and family is different, so this might be a disaster for you. I hope you can find the help she needs. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child needs therapy but refuses, don't know how to approach it
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