difficult child registered for community college

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Nancy, Jan 14, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child asked me yesterday if I would take her down to the community college so she could talk to an advisor on what she had to do to enter the vet tech program. husband told her that she could go and get the information and present it to us. So this morning I took her down, sat in the waiting area while she went in to talk to the advisor. About an hour later she came out with a list of things to do, get a student ID, register on-line for the classes the advisor told her were required pre-requisites, and go to the business office to pay. She had taken a summer class there two years ago so she was considered a returning student.

    She registered for a math, english and psychology class and then called husband to tell him what she did and ask if he would pay for it. After telling her that this was her responsibility, we would not remind her to go to class or ask about homework, and that if she flunked out that was the end of our help, (remember we have been down this road before with her flunking out of her first semester of college and getting kicked out of the dorm), he agreed to pay.

    Went to the business office and signed up for monthly payments so that if she does back out they can go after her for the balance. She was told to come home, go on-line and do a math review and come back Tuesday to take the math placement test and try to get into the higher level mth class. She tested into the lowest level math two years ago. She did go home and spent about two hours refreshing her math skills.

    So it's up to her. Until now she has not shown any initiative to do anything with her life except lay in bed all day and work her few hours a week at the mall. Vet tech was something she has been interested in for years and honestly the one job that I can see her doing well. I don;t know if she will be able to handle the classes or keep her motivation up but I was happy to see her do something about her future. She honestly looked happy and enthused while she was handling all the arrangements.

    She asked me if I was going to let her get a parking pass and I said no I would drive her for now. She accepted that. I do hope she sticks to this but I won't get my hopes up too high.

  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Keeping fingers crossed that she sticks with it .... this all sounds promising!
  3. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    It's been awhile since there was something to :bravo:about.......enjoy the moment! Sounds hopeful. Hugs. DDD
  4. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Here's hoping she keeps up with it. Even though you won't be reminding her about homework, nagging her to go to class, by all means show an interest in her work! One thing my difficult child used to love was to show me how she worked through complicated math problems (way over my head!) I secretly HATED sitting there, but now I'm glad I did. My difficult child requires a lot of attention (sigh) and this provided her with the validation she needed without actually involving me in the role of nag mom!

    I'm so proud of your difficult child for taking the initiative on this. Hope springs eternal for the Warrior Moms!
  5. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Nancy, I think a lot of people do better with animals than people. If she finds something that works to her strengths then it may give her what she needs to stick with it even when it gets hard or boring. On the other hand, talk is cheap as we have found out. They know how to talk the talk. I'm keeping a guarded optimism with you that she will let this be the thing that pulls her up and gives her a sense of accomplishment.
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Crossing fingers.
  7. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Fingers crossed, Nancy. That sounds like a wonderful program for her!
  8. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Rattling beads that she sticks with it and does well.
  9. svengandhi

    svengandhi Well-Known Member

    Please be careful. One of his H's client's relatives, a heroin addict, obtained a vet tech certificate solely for the purpose of getting ketamine. This person worked at about a half dozen local vet offices/shelters, stealing medications until they got fired. Finally, one place called the others and the scheme was figured out and the certificate lifted. H was actually retained by the family to try and get one job back as the firing occurred just days before the probationary period ended and the person denied it. The subsequent investigation revealed the reasons for the prior firings.
  10. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh great thanks for yet another worry. You know just about every job has it's pitfalls. She can't be a restaurant server because of the alcohol. Medical field is filled with temptations. Grocery store sells alcohol. Drug stores no good either. I can't think of a job that is safe that she would be qualified for or have any interest in. She is not the kind of person who could ever work in an office. Her people skills are not good, her grammer is not such that would make her a good customer service person. There is not one thing I can think of that would be safe.

    She loves animals and has always been very good with them. I don't even have a lot of hope that she can pass the classes. If she does and is fortunate enough to complete the course, the rest is up to her.

  11. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest


    I think it is a good sign she did this and took the initiative. I know you can't get your hopes up but it does show that at least a good part of her really wants to succeed. She may relapse and may again have to get to that point where she realizes that while she is drinking she is making it impossible for herself to succeed.... but the fact that a part of her wants to get her life together is a big plus.

    I also agree that every job has its pitfalls... some are worse than others... like bar tending for example...but ultimately it cannot be your worry if the job is safe from substance abuse opportunities. It is her life and she has to figure it out.

    I keep telling myself at this point my son is on HIS journey, my journey is mine.

    Anyway I am really hoping this is the first step for her.
  12. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I hope she will follow through. Every job has opportunities for theft or other bad things; that will be her lookout. If she
    wants the better path she'll take it. I hope, with her love of animals, that this will be a good thing for her. Sending good wishes.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    She may not even realize that ketamine is special K. And if she works at a shelter, it might not be available there. I would have to ask Jamie if they keep ketamine at the local animal shelter associated with the county shelter. I know they have the medication to euthanize animals but that is not ketamine. And drugs like ketamine would be kept under lock and key so certain employees wouldnt ordinarily have access to them. I doubt a simple vet tech would. They dont dispense medications unless under a dr.'s orders I wouldnt think so it would be hard for her to just help herself unless someone helped her.

    Years ago when I was 17 I worked in a hospital pharmacy as a pharmacy technician. Back then you didnt have to have any sort of degree. I absolutely loved that job. The doctors would write out orders on the floor, they would send them down, we would fill them under supervision and then we would take them up to the floors in these locked rolling carts. Now some of these drugs were narcotics but we also took up IV fluids, antibiotics and other assorted medications. At that time, most of them I had never heard of. We did have this one locked room that had the heavy duty stuff like morphine, dilaudid, and there was a container in there with cocaine that was used in eye surgeries back then. Have no idea if this is still done today. We only went in there with a pharmacist.

    Well, one night as I was leaving work I was met with practically a swat team of cops. These cops just swarmed me and this other teen girl who were leaving for the night. I think we got out at like 9pm or so. It was summer and was dark so maybe it was closer to 10. They shoved us up against the wall, frisked us, checked our purses, and started asking us all these questions about the pharmacy and drugs we took up to the floor...what areas we had been in that day, etc. We both told them everything we knew. Shortly after as they were talking to us, another guy we worked with that was slightly older...about mid 20's came out with another 2 cops. He was in cuffs. They took us over to the squad car next to him. By now we are confused and shaking. They asked us if we had ever been to his apartment. Uh...no. We only knew him from working there and we only knew each other from working there. None of us socialized together. They got out these black lights and made us show them our hands. Both my hands and the girls hands responded fine but the guys hands glowed neon yellow under the light.

    Seems they had some cocaine inventory coming up missing and they didnt know who was taking it so they put something on the container that you couldnt see but would stick to our hands. Well, we didnt touch it and I know I never took any. Back then I never even thought about cocaine. It wasnt even something that occurred to my circle. It hadnt hit yet. We were a strictly pot, a few pills and some of us acid users...along with drinking. Cocaine was just not even in our brains. I still have never even seen it except for that container in that room.

    Well...we all got fired because the hospital said that even though we didnt test positive with our hands that night, it was a possibility that maybe we knew he was doing it and maybe we went over to his place after work sometimes. How unfair. I didnt even know the guy. Normally he didnt even work my shift.
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    That truly was unfair Janet.

    First hurdle has been overcome. She took the math placement test and passed to the next level math, beginning algebra. She was good at algebra in high school so I think she should do ok in there. She came out of the test and was all smiles, I told her that one success builds onto another and it's up to her to keep it going. The only class left open was at 7am Mon-Wed. So she will have three classes Mon-Wed and one on Friday. I bought her a 5 day pass and told her she can drive my car to class in the morning (since I really don't want to get up and out that early). I think this will be a good test for her to see if she gets up and out on her own and also if she comes back home right after. The college is only 20 minutes away so she can come home until her next calss at 1pm.

    So keep yoour fingers crossed that this is a new begining for her and that it doesn't end up like so many of her other attempts. I am trying to stay optimistic while at the same time not setting myself up for a huge disappointment. She seems to be genuinely excited about this new venture.

  15. dashcat

    dashcat Member

    Assume her intentions are good unless she proves otherwise. You don't need another worry at this point.

    As parents of difficult children, sometimes we are so conditioned to wait for the other shoe to drop, that we sometimes miss the joy. Dpn't let any negative comments spoil the excitement you are feeling. You deserve the joy. You'll deal with disappointment IF it comes.
  16. barneysmom

    barneysmom Member

    Fingers crossed xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    P.S. I think it's a good sign she has the energy to do this after all she's been through lately. I think it's a sign of resilience. Even if she may not yet have the underpinnings yet to sustain resilience (remains to be seen -- now, and in years to come), I think it's a good sign.
  17. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    I think it is a good sign that it was her idea to do this, that she has the energy to do it, that she is taking these action steps on her own, etc.
    Surely, she will feel much better about herself if she enjoys some successes in life.
    I too am keeping a good thought....and fingers crossed!
  18. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks ladies. I was optimisitc too until just the other day when I found out she met a guy there and smoked pot in between classes and met another guy and went to his house after school and stayed until 4 am when she called me in the middle of a blizzard to come pick her up. We've had quite a bad week culminating in us kicking her out and her going to some guys dorm room at another college and smoking pot and drinking all night.

    Right now she's at an AA meeting after I called a friend she met there and asked if she could help. I don't know what will happen but we told her if she wants to continue going to school she has to pay the tuition and we will reimburse her if she gets a C or better.

  19. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    Nancy - Sounds like a good plan. You are doing what you can and really the rest is up to her. She has to hit bottom (again) on her own and realize she needs real help, not just rescuing from a particular spot she got herself into. It is heartbreaking to be a parent and watch your child do this self destructive stuff. Through my work I have met a number of women, who at one time were serious addicts, and got themselves clean. I don't meet them during the time while they are using but I do sometimes get to know them later on and I hear their stories. It gives me faith that even serious addicts, with many relapses, can get clean and sober if they really want to. So I have faith that your daughter has experiences small periods of sobriety and has a supportive family, that eventually she will do the work she needs to do to get clean. however she needs to be doing it for herself, not just as a way to get what she wants from you. At this ponit she is an adult, so you get to think about what is good for you, what you want, what will work for you. If she wants something that isn't good for you and doesn't work for you then don't do it. Hugs....this is really hard.
  20. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    :groan:I was following this thread and was so excited to read about her taking initiative, taking control, having small successes -- it all sounded so positive. I'm so sorrry she tripped up again. Seems like guys are a big trigger for her... wonder how she'd do with an online course... but then, that doesn't teach her anything about resisting temptation. You are wise to not let down your guard, but how disappointed you must still feel. :group-hug: