klmno
Active Member
he wants to give live my bro instead of juvy if he ends up with that option but he really prefers to either come straight home or go to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), then home. He then said that since finances are tough, he wants to go live with my bro until my finances are straightened out, then come home.
Now, in a typical family, that would probably make sense but in my family, well...difficult child does not know the details of a lot of things and my bro and I don't get along and haven't even spoken. First, I definitely don't think this is in difficult child's best interest- I think he just wants resolution. He said he could not take juvy and it would undo what he's trying to do as far as getting a grip on his life. I do agree with that and was proud of him for it. But then he said he just wanted to take the easiest way out of this, which leads to 2) My financial situation is in large part because of having to pay legal fees (difficult child's and custody case from bro), private insurance costs, restitution and loss of pay for all these requirements and supervising difficult child when he's not stable. difficult child hasn't even spoken to my bro in 18mos, per difficult child's own choice. difficult child didn't sound like he was doing this as a sacrafice to help me financially- he was just matter-of-fact about it. He did add, though, that he didn't want to end up like a boy there that had been in foster care and group homes for 6 years and he was afarid of me losing parental rights. I assured him that wasn't happening because I have not abused or neglected or abandoned him, and would not.
I felt a big tinge of resentment when difficult child said what he did because I felt like he drained me dry, now he just wants to go live with someone who hasn't helped with any of this- financially, emotionally, or any other way. Carp- he contributed to it. Then he turns around and asked if I would come there tomorrow and bring him gum and deoderant.
Am I being taken for granted here or what? Not to mention, I can't sell this house for what it's worth due to the damage difficult child did to it, that I can't afford to get fixed. I can assure you, if I thought for one second that my bro would be a good guardian, this boy would be gone- except then I think he'd have it too easy. As it is, with my fears (which I swear I think are valid), going to my bro's is just not an acceptable alternative to me. And, then, after this conversation, I would be advocating for detention (short term and local) because maybe it would be a good thing if Residential Treatment Center (RTC) couldn't be an option, except that I do think it would be more of a detriment.
Oh, I asked difficult child, if it turned out to be an option, what about local foster care for a short time while we worked thru therapy before he came home. He said he'd prefer to just go to my bro's until I (me) got myself straightened out. Ok, well, I didn't hold a knife to his throat, I didn't get arrested every year for the 4th year now, I didn't do the damage to the house, so I seriously think my approach in the next court will be to ask if they could remove difficult child from the room while I get to the core of a big problem here- these people either have to quit handling things that reinforce this blame on me from difficult child or leave me alone. I can't raise him without them being willing to back me up and hold him accountable.
No, I won't say it so bluntly in court, but carp, this is starting to hit the nail on the head, between PO and people in court talking about letting difficult child out then asking for the evaluation on me and their attitude in general. This is exactly what has been eating at me- I need to be the one in control of my house or I CAN"T make difficult child do what he's supposed to do. And the more the court orders, the more difficult child feels like I will be the one to get in trouble or be held accountable- not him- and he can just walk and go live with my bro until "I get it straightened out". I wish I had recorded that conversation to play it back for the judge. I would blame difficult child solely, but I can see where he got these ideas.
ARGHHHhhh...
Now, in a typical family, that would probably make sense but in my family, well...difficult child does not know the details of a lot of things and my bro and I don't get along and haven't even spoken. First, I definitely don't think this is in difficult child's best interest- I think he just wants resolution. He said he could not take juvy and it would undo what he's trying to do as far as getting a grip on his life. I do agree with that and was proud of him for it. But then he said he just wanted to take the easiest way out of this, which leads to 2) My financial situation is in large part because of having to pay legal fees (difficult child's and custody case from bro), private insurance costs, restitution and loss of pay for all these requirements and supervising difficult child when he's not stable. difficult child hasn't even spoken to my bro in 18mos, per difficult child's own choice. difficult child didn't sound like he was doing this as a sacrafice to help me financially- he was just matter-of-fact about it. He did add, though, that he didn't want to end up like a boy there that had been in foster care and group homes for 6 years and he was afarid of me losing parental rights. I assured him that wasn't happening because I have not abused or neglected or abandoned him, and would not.
I felt a big tinge of resentment when difficult child said what he did because I felt like he drained me dry, now he just wants to go live with someone who hasn't helped with any of this- financially, emotionally, or any other way. Carp- he contributed to it. Then he turns around and asked if I would come there tomorrow and bring him gum and deoderant.
Am I being taken for granted here or what? Not to mention, I can't sell this house for what it's worth due to the damage difficult child did to it, that I can't afford to get fixed. I can assure you, if I thought for one second that my bro would be a good guardian, this boy would be gone- except then I think he'd have it too easy. As it is, with my fears (which I swear I think are valid), going to my bro's is just not an acceptable alternative to me. And, then, after this conversation, I would be advocating for detention (short term and local) because maybe it would be a good thing if Residential Treatment Center (RTC) couldn't be an option, except that I do think it would be more of a detriment.
Oh, I asked difficult child, if it turned out to be an option, what about local foster care for a short time while we worked thru therapy before he came home. He said he'd prefer to just go to my bro's until I (me) got myself straightened out. Ok, well, I didn't hold a knife to his throat, I didn't get arrested every year for the 4th year now, I didn't do the damage to the house, so I seriously think my approach in the next court will be to ask if they could remove difficult child from the room while I get to the core of a big problem here- these people either have to quit handling things that reinforce this blame on me from difficult child or leave me alone. I can't raise him without them being willing to back me up and hold him accountable.
No, I won't say it so bluntly in court, but carp, this is starting to hit the nail on the head, between PO and people in court talking about letting difficult child out then asking for the evaluation on me and their attitude in general. This is exactly what has been eating at me- I need to be the one in control of my house or I CAN"T make difficult child do what he's supposed to do. And the more the court orders, the more difficult child feels like I will be the one to get in trouble or be held accountable- not him- and he can just walk and go live with my bro until "I get it straightened out". I wish I had recorded that conversation to play it back for the judge. I would blame difficult child solely, but I can see where he got these ideas.
ARGHHHhhh...
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