Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
difficult child sleeping around-feeling defeated today.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 47925" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>First - when they become sexually active, especially mid to late teens, you can't stop them, short of a chastity belt. And even then, they'll get inventive.</p><p></p><p>We've been there twice now. Both times, she didn't tell us when she should have. With easy child it was a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that tipped us off and I ticked her off for not talking to me about it so I could talk to her about sexual responsibility.</p><p></p><p>With easy child 2/difficult child 2, we caught them in the act very early on, so she got the talk from us early.</p><p></p><p>What we did from there - we sat them down and talked to them about taking responsibility for their sexual health, as well as taking emotional responsibility for what this can do to them and the boys they're sleeping with. First, was to make sure they went on the Pill, AND took it properly. They had to understand that getting pregnant too young for their body was not good for them or for the baby. I also talked to them about the risk of HPV and cervical cancer - a girl whose first sexual encounter is before she is 17, is at a much higher risk. it's all to do with the maturing cells on the cervix - the junction between the mature cells and the immature cells is where a lot of cervical cancers start; these cells are much more vulnerable.</p><p></p><p>I made sure we had plenty of condoms, I showed them where we keep them. Of course, this process also means they have to acknowledge that their parents are also sexual creatures - this can sometimes be enough to put them off the idea of sex being wild, exciting and forbidden fruit.</p><p></p><p>Sexual health also requires a Pap smear early on, so as to provide a baseline for later examinations. If a girl is prepared to let a boy do what he wants to do with sex, then she should be OK with letting a doctor have a look and take a swab.</p><p></p><p>Regular breast exams should be happening anyway, even without sex. This is also part of being responsible. She should learn to examine herself regularly.</p><p></p><p>Emotional health - sex can be a lot of fun. it can be very enjoyable. It can also be a disaster, if you do it for the wrong reasons. And if you never learn to do it for the right reasons, you're being cheated. It's sad but true, that youth is wasted on the young. They dive into sex without really knowing what to do. The girl gets left high and dry, the boy gets a brief enjoyment without considering the partner or the sharing nature of the act. The girl knows there should be something more and goes looking for it. If there is no sound relationship backing any of this, then sex becomes perfunctory and meaningless. Such a waste of what can be (and should be) so enjoyable when shared properly between two people who really care deeply about one another and who have taken the time to get to know each other first.</p><p></p><p>Neither partner should be having sex because of social pressure. Unfortunately, this happens too much. Also, a lot of girls get pressured into oral sex because the boys expect it. This expectation, imposed on girls in this way, is the ultimate exploitation of women and is very degrading. The way they coerce girls into this is appalling. If your daughter has willingly chosen to have sex and is apparently enjoying it, then that is one blessing - at least she's not being coerced. Let's hope. Because frankly, a relationship with the sort of boy who feels that this sort of coercion is perfectly acceptable, is doomed to make her miserable. She is better off a social outcast than a doormat. Worse than a doormat - all that gets wiped on a doormat is shoes (feel free to use that line). No girl deserves to be treated with such disrespect and any boy who does so is not deserving of respect, nor is he worthy of her sexual favours or her affection.</p><p></p><p>Also, with sex - the first time for either can be emotionally binding. If one partner is not serious, the other can be left emotionally devastated. In an immature person this can lead to some really bad social situations including stalking, various forms of violence and jealous rages. Not good. So casual flirtation is to be discouraged in any person who really cares about others. Simply put, it can hurt too much. Some girls love having this kind of power, but they have to understand, to use this power is cruel. And it will generally backfire on them, badly.</p><p></p><p>Basically, sexual activity has to be accompanied by sexual responsibility. If they want the adult pleasures, they have to be prepared (both partners) to take the adult responsibility.</p><p></p><p>You can't stop them. We tried - husband & I took turns standing guard over easy child 2/difficult child 2's bedroom. But we couldn't stay there all night. And we had to recognise - even if we did, all we would do was prevent them having sex while we were there and able to stand watch. As soon as one of us left the house, or they did (to go for 'a walk', maybe) we knew they'd be at it like rabbits.</p><p></p><p>All you can do is accept you've done your best. From here you have to leave the door open to communication, at least. if you try to give ultimatums, stand your ground, insist that no sex is going to happen under YOUR roof, then you are shutting off communication at a time when they need it most.</p><p></p><p>When easy child got the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), she delayed telling me, so it was actually quite bad when we made our dash to the ER. I said to her, "Would you rather have ended up with kidney damage, than tell me? I'd rather know, so I can help you. It's your life, your decision to have sex, you now have to follow through and take responsibility, because your body is going to insist on it."</p><p>Failure to be responsible about sex can lead to all sorts of problems, including pregnancy. Keeping the communication open means fewer mistakes and more chance to keep the fallout to a minimum. After all, what is you ultimate goal? To see her as a happy, well-adjusted, independent and productive adult, isn't it? An early pregnancy is not good for this prospect. Neither are serious health problems caused by her having to be secretive.</p><p></p><p>Your relationship with her has just moved into a new area, where she still needs you to teach her how to be responsible and appropriate. It's hard to do it, but the best outcome needs you to be open and accepting. Not easy. But frankly, what choice do you have?</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 47925, member: 1991"] First - when they become sexually active, especially mid to late teens, you can't stop them, short of a chastity belt. And even then, they'll get inventive. We've been there twice now. Both times, she didn't tell us when she should have. With easy child it was a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that tipped us off and I ticked her off for not talking to me about it so I could talk to her about sexual responsibility. With easy child 2/difficult child 2, we caught them in the act very early on, so she got the talk from us early. What we did from there - we sat them down and talked to them about taking responsibility for their sexual health, as well as taking emotional responsibility for what this can do to them and the boys they're sleeping with. First, was to make sure they went on the Pill, AND took it properly. They had to understand that getting pregnant too young for their body was not good for them or for the baby. I also talked to them about the risk of HPV and cervical cancer - a girl whose first sexual encounter is before she is 17, is at a much higher risk. it's all to do with the maturing cells on the cervix - the junction between the mature cells and the immature cells is where a lot of cervical cancers start; these cells are much more vulnerable. I made sure we had plenty of condoms, I showed them where we keep them. Of course, this process also means they have to acknowledge that their parents are also sexual creatures - this can sometimes be enough to put them off the idea of sex being wild, exciting and forbidden fruit. Sexual health also requires a Pap smear early on, so as to provide a baseline for later examinations. If a girl is prepared to let a boy do what he wants to do with sex, then she should be OK with letting a doctor have a look and take a swab. Regular breast exams should be happening anyway, even without sex. This is also part of being responsible. She should learn to examine herself regularly. Emotional health - sex can be a lot of fun. it can be very enjoyable. It can also be a disaster, if you do it for the wrong reasons. And if you never learn to do it for the right reasons, you're being cheated. It's sad but true, that youth is wasted on the young. They dive into sex without really knowing what to do. The girl gets left high and dry, the boy gets a brief enjoyment without considering the partner or the sharing nature of the act. The girl knows there should be something more and goes looking for it. If there is no sound relationship backing any of this, then sex becomes perfunctory and meaningless. Such a waste of what can be (and should be) so enjoyable when shared properly between two people who really care deeply about one another and who have taken the time to get to know each other first. Neither partner should be having sex because of social pressure. Unfortunately, this happens too much. Also, a lot of girls get pressured into oral sex because the boys expect it. This expectation, imposed on girls in this way, is the ultimate exploitation of women and is very degrading. The way they coerce girls into this is appalling. If your daughter has willingly chosen to have sex and is apparently enjoying it, then that is one blessing - at least she's not being coerced. Let's hope. Because frankly, a relationship with the sort of boy who feels that this sort of coercion is perfectly acceptable, is doomed to make her miserable. She is better off a social outcast than a doormat. Worse than a doormat - all that gets wiped on a doormat is shoes (feel free to use that line). No girl deserves to be treated with such disrespect and any boy who does so is not deserving of respect, nor is he worthy of her sexual favours or her affection. Also, with sex - the first time for either can be emotionally binding. If one partner is not serious, the other can be left emotionally devastated. In an immature person this can lead to some really bad social situations including stalking, various forms of violence and jealous rages. Not good. So casual flirtation is to be discouraged in any person who really cares about others. Simply put, it can hurt too much. Some girls love having this kind of power, but they have to understand, to use this power is cruel. And it will generally backfire on them, badly. Basically, sexual activity has to be accompanied by sexual responsibility. If they want the adult pleasures, they have to be prepared (both partners) to take the adult responsibility. You can't stop them. We tried - husband & I took turns standing guard over easy child 2/difficult child 2's bedroom. But we couldn't stay there all night. And we had to recognise - even if we did, all we would do was prevent them having sex while we were there and able to stand watch. As soon as one of us left the house, or they did (to go for 'a walk', maybe) we knew they'd be at it like rabbits. All you can do is accept you've done your best. From here you have to leave the door open to communication, at least. if you try to give ultimatums, stand your ground, insist that no sex is going to happen under YOUR roof, then you are shutting off communication at a time when they need it most. When easy child got the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), she delayed telling me, so it was actually quite bad when we made our dash to the ER. I said to her, "Would you rather have ended up with kidney damage, than tell me? I'd rather know, so I can help you. It's your life, your decision to have sex, you now have to follow through and take responsibility, because your body is going to insist on it." Failure to be responsible about sex can lead to all sorts of problems, including pregnancy. Keeping the communication open means fewer mistakes and more chance to keep the fallout to a minimum. After all, what is you ultimate goal? To see her as a happy, well-adjusted, independent and productive adult, isn't it? An early pregnancy is not good for this prospect. Neither are serious health problems caused by her having to be secretive. Your relationship with her has just moved into a new area, where she still needs you to teach her how to be responsible and appropriate. It's hard to do it, but the best outcome needs you to be open and accepting. Not easy. But frankly, what choice do you have? Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
difficult child sleeping around-feeling defeated today.
Top