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difficult child started a job today
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<blockquote data-quote="Echolette" data-source="post: 633058" data-attributes="member: 17269"><p>FIrst off, I am so glad to hear that he has a job, and that he called to tell you about it.</p><p></p><p>Second, I completely sympathize with your ambivalent response, both internally and in your interactions with him. Our minds, our hearts, our relationships and ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH difficult children are so loaded with history and emotional overlay that it is impossible to see through the fog to the simple facts.</p><p></p><p>I know you know, but here are the facts: He got a job!!!!!! Yay!!! (you heard...I have a job but it is kind of beneath me and I probably won't stick it out and meanwhile I have a load of junk to put on you before I can even go to work, so COME ON MOM HELP ME OUT HERE)</p><p></p><p>He asked if some stuff he thinks he left in the house is still there. This is a reasonable request. (you heard...Mom, whatever you were planning to do when you get home forget it!! go rummage around the attic, bring me my stuff help me help me help me do it! forget about you, forget about relaxing after your weekend, forget about dinner with SO...help me!!!)</p><p></p><p>He figured out transportation to work ( the bike). Good for him! (you heard--yeah, my sleazy friends and I swap stuff around, I have a bike that was probably stolen from a guy who will probably steal from me first opportunity, and ps mom I need money for a bike lock or better yet can you go buy me one ? whatever you were planning to do forget it and help me help me help me. )</p><p></p><p>He asked about buying the truck. This is a bit annoying since you already closed the topic. You did exactly right to get yourself out of the middle. difficult child just isn't letting go of a "fix" he attached himself too. That is a pretty human and common trait. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I think we parents of difficult children are so tired, so used to being burned, that we can't just rise to each piece of good news the way we would like to, the way we would with our PCs. REally, we would be kind of dumb to do so! Try not to judge yourself, your own fatigue, your own love for him. You did as you had to do. And you DID support his progress, as it sounds like you wished to do...you looked for his stuff, you bought him new clothes (PS I switched from buying stuff at Evil Empire Walmarts, even though it is cheap, to thrift stores.. difficult child doesn't mind and I end up spending pennies instead of dollars. I do buy socks and underwear for him at Walmarts. Principles will only go so far...)</p><p></p><p>Its exhausting. Please pause and honor that. That is real, no matter how much work we do to develop our compassion, our kindness, our resilience. Those things are there to help us deal with the exhaustion, the frustration, the anger.. not to make it never happen, because it will. That is simply our path, what we have been given.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You know the answers. You know the path. Pray, rest, smile, love, walk, run, go to group, hug some one. Do what your nature dictates when it comes to difficult child. Don't judge yourslef or criticize yourself. You are doing the best you can, one day at a time. I always liked your signature!</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>Echo</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Echolette, post: 633058, member: 17269"] FIrst off, I am so glad to hear that he has a job, and that he called to tell you about it. Second, I completely sympathize with your ambivalent response, both internally and in your interactions with him. Our minds, our hearts, our relationships and ESPECIALLY THOSE WITH difficult children are so loaded with history and emotional overlay that it is impossible to see through the fog to the simple facts. I know you know, but here are the facts: He got a job!!!!!! Yay!!! (you heard...I have a job but it is kind of beneath me and I probably won't stick it out and meanwhile I have a load of junk to put on you before I can even go to work, so COME ON MOM HELP ME OUT HERE) He asked if some stuff he thinks he left in the house is still there. This is a reasonable request. (you heard...Mom, whatever you were planning to do when you get home forget it!! go rummage around the attic, bring me my stuff help me help me help me do it! forget about you, forget about relaxing after your weekend, forget about dinner with SO...help me!!!) He figured out transportation to work ( the bike). Good for him! (you heard--yeah, my sleazy friends and I swap stuff around, I have a bike that was probably stolen from a guy who will probably steal from me first opportunity, and ps mom I need money for a bike lock or better yet can you go buy me one ? whatever you were planning to do forget it and help me help me help me. ) He asked about buying the truck. This is a bit annoying since you already closed the topic. You did exactly right to get yourself out of the middle. difficult child just isn't letting go of a "fix" he attached himself too. That is a pretty human and common trait. I think we parents of difficult children are so tired, so used to being burned, that we can't just rise to each piece of good news the way we would like to, the way we would with our PCs. REally, we would be kind of dumb to do so! Try not to judge yourself, your own fatigue, your own love for him. You did as you had to do. And you DID support his progress, as it sounds like you wished to do...you looked for his stuff, you bought him new clothes (PS I switched from buying stuff at Evil Empire Walmarts, even though it is cheap, to thrift stores.. difficult child doesn't mind and I end up spending pennies instead of dollars. I do buy socks and underwear for him at Walmarts. Principles will only go so far...) Its exhausting. Please pause and honor that. That is real, no matter how much work we do to develop our compassion, our kindness, our resilience. Those things are there to help us deal with the exhaustion, the frustration, the anger.. not to make it never happen, because it will. That is simply our path, what we have been given. You know the answers. You know the path. Pray, rest, smile, love, walk, run, go to group, hug some one. Do what your nature dictates when it comes to difficult child. Don't judge yourslef or criticize yourself. You are doing the best you can, one day at a time. I always liked your signature! Hugs, Echo [/QUOTE]
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