difficult child had an interview Friday with McDonald's. I went out of town Friday morning and didn't hear a word all weekend until I was driving back yesterday and got a text and a vm saying he was starting at 6 a.m. this morning, and needed me to see if his non-skid shoes and any Dickies black pants were in my attic. We went back and forth a bit on the drive back. He has 32 hours this week---Monday through Thursday from 6 a.m. until 2 p.m. He was loaned a bike from "someone who just got arrested and is in jail) and needed a bike lock. He said the person who helped him get the job at McDonald's is renting a house Sept. 1 and he might be able to rent a room there for $225 a month. He wanted to talk again about buying SO's truck. That part of the conversation really frustrated me as I thought we had put the kibosh on that idea last week. I finally said I will text you SO's number and if you want to call him and talk about that again, you can. I don't want to talk about it anymore. When I got home I went through the boxes and bins of clothes in the attic and found none of what he wanted. So I said I would buy him two pairs of black pants. SO and I went to Wal-Mart and got that, plus bought him a pair of non-skid shoes plus some socks and boxer shorts. $102 worth. We took it to him where he was, and I said, good luck tomorrow. I just spent $102 on this, so please don't ask me to buy anything else and I hope you have a good week. *********************** I was disappointed with myself yesterday. This is progress. This is good. He seems to be putting some meat on the bones of the talk he has been talking for the past few weeks. I want to be just glad and supportive and encouraging and that is all. I don't want to feel frustrated because he isn't saying exactly what I want or because he muddies the good waters with a negative thing or two like more talk about the truck or because he isn't doing it the way I WOULD DO IT. It's not my life. It's none of my business. He is the master of his own destiny and he will either do it or he won't or something different and I have to be okay with that in order to have peace and contentment and serenity in my life. I know it's my own angst. It's my own fears and being afraid to hope, and then be disappointed again, and my own perfectionism, that it isn't just like I want it go be, and instead he is human. He is a mix of good and bad and dumb and smart and trying and difficult child-ness. Just like I am. Just like I am. My prayer for myself today is that I can accept whatever it is. Whatever it is. The messiness and the imperfection and the one step forward and 1.5 steps back or whatever it is. I want to focus on the positive, and not be cynical, and not be waiting for the other shoe to drop and not caring about what and who and where and why and how. Just to be glad and accept what it, right now today, and REALLY GET myself that THIS IS LIFE. This is what life is and looks like. It isn't like the movies or books or perfection. Okay, I'm laying it out as best I can, exactly as I can see it right now today, for you all.