Okay difficult child, has been in fostercare for a year this month. During this year, I have learned to take care of myself and my bills and that life is not all about difficult child. In fact, and this may sound selfish but most of my life is not about difficult child now. I had to step back and let someone else try to help her. I wasn't helping her or myself. She is with a wonderful foster family, who love her and she loves them. They will not put up with her antics and she knows it. Over this last year, I have grown stronger and become a better person and parent. My mental health is good, physically I feel the best that I think I ever have. I am ready for life, not wanting to give up. I feel life has just started for me. I had hoped that difficult child would want to change her ways and possibly come home. That was early on, I don't feel quite that way now. She comes home every Friday and stays until i take her home on Sunday. I always have an optimistic outlook before I get her, it's not long after she is home that that changes. I do have moments that I enjoy with her and am glad that we can have some fun together. I know that I cannot raise her and have talked to her fosterparents abut continuing caring for her after she leaves care. We haven't discussed money or anything yet and don't know if it's feasible or not, but they have agreed that they would keep her. Fostercare saved my life. I did not have bad experiences with any of the agencies that I have dealt with. They have been behind me 100%. I learned that I am now strong and will not take her ****. it is her **** and not mine. She called me today and told me she cut all of her hair off, because I would not allow her to color her hair. I told her that was too bad, that she did that. She wasn't allowed to make any changes to her hair without permission from me, as far as cutting, perming, coloring. She said it was my fault. I told her, you did what you wanted now you will have to live with it. Not me, I still have hair. I wonder how she thought she was punishing me by cutting all her hair off. She had really pretty long light brown hair. It's all gone now, but like I said I still have mine. It took almost 13 years of all of the struggles and craziness to come to this point. I can't go back.