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difficult child too disruptive, put to sick leave and coming home for few days
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<blockquote data-quote="SuZir" data-source="post: 583353" data-attributes="member: 14557"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/grrr.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":grrr:" title="grrr :grrr:" data-shortname=":grrr:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/919Mad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":919Mad:" title="Mad :919Mad:" data-shortname=":919Mad:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/1010hammer.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":hammer:" title="hammer :hammer:" data-shortname=":hammer:" /> <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" />brokemyheart:<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/consoling.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":consoling:" title="consoling :consoling:" data-shortname=":consoling:" />)</p><p></p><p>That about sums my feelings right now. difficult child is sleeping, has been some time already (and it is barely 10 p.m. here.) He really made his best to annoy me. To be honest, he wasn't only childish but almost childlike in his attempts. For example when I didn't get engaged he finally literally stomped upstairs and to his room and went to his bed to read (and fell asleep, I just went and fished the book out and turned off the lights.) That is extremely childish even for him. And his ability to push my every button is unbeatable. On the other hand he is so heartbreakingly hurt and tired it is really difficult to bear. Life is very hard on him just now.</p><p></p><p>Also husband and easy child are back home and surprisingly husband is quite sheepish. Apparently <strong>his </strong>dad read him a riot act on how he treats difficult child. I'm really surprised. You have to understand that father in law is about the mildest, non-confrontational, keep peace in any cost-person there is. And he really doesn't meddle to his children's lives but let's them do their own decisions. Okay, difficult child is his oldest grandchild, real gramps' boy, but still I can't remember him ever intervening to our parenting in any way. According to husband he did now and told him how husband would never forgive himself if he would make some irreparable damage to their relationship and that doing so could be easy now that difficult child is so hurt and raw. husband actually seems to have listened, so that at least is good. I took an opportunity and talked to him about his body language and way of speaking to difficult child when he is frustrated. I told him that while it was often needed to go into difficult child space and even grab him from shoulders or take his face between your hands when he was young to get him to listen, getting into his face and being too authoritative really isn't working now. I also asked him to pay attention how some other male authoritative figures in his life talk to difficult child and how much better that works. Especially if things get heated some of them (father in law being a good example but also difficult child's former positional coach whom he really likes and his mental coach) do take a step or two back, give him more space and even sit down to be less imitating while talking to him. And difficult child seems to react to that kind of body language much better than husband's habit to get into his face. </p><p></p><p>I think husband at least heard me, if not anything else.</p><p></p><p>I do hope difficult child is able to sleep through night and tomorrow is better. Today there was no way to have any kind of real discussion with him about anything. He was just spoiling for fight.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="SuZir, post: 583353, member: 14557"] :grrr::tearinghair::hammer: (:brokemyheart::consoling:) That about sums my feelings right now. difficult child is sleeping, has been some time already (and it is barely 10 p.m. here.) He really made his best to annoy me. To be honest, he wasn't only childish but almost childlike in his attempts. For example when I didn't get engaged he finally literally stomped upstairs and to his room and went to his bed to read (and fell asleep, I just went and fished the book out and turned off the lights.) That is extremely childish even for him. And his ability to push my every button is unbeatable. On the other hand he is so heartbreakingly hurt and tired it is really difficult to bear. Life is very hard on him just now. Also husband and easy child are back home and surprisingly husband is quite sheepish. Apparently [B]his [/B]dad read him a riot act on how he treats difficult child. I'm really surprised. You have to understand that father in law is about the mildest, non-confrontational, keep peace in any cost-person there is. And he really doesn't meddle to his children's lives but let's them do their own decisions. Okay, difficult child is his oldest grandchild, real gramps' boy, but still I can't remember him ever intervening to our parenting in any way. According to husband he did now and told him how husband would never forgive himself if he would make some irreparable damage to their relationship and that doing so could be easy now that difficult child is so hurt and raw. husband actually seems to have listened, so that at least is good. I took an opportunity and talked to him about his body language and way of speaking to difficult child when he is frustrated. I told him that while it was often needed to go into difficult child space and even grab him from shoulders or take his face between your hands when he was young to get him to listen, getting into his face and being too authoritative really isn't working now. I also asked him to pay attention how some other male authoritative figures in his life talk to difficult child and how much better that works. Especially if things get heated some of them (father in law being a good example but also difficult child's former positional coach whom he really likes and his mental coach) do take a step or two back, give him more space and even sit down to be less imitating while talking to him. And difficult child seems to react to that kind of body language much better than husband's habit to get into his face. I think husband at least heard me, if not anything else. I do hope difficult child is able to sleep through night and tomorrow is better. Today there was no way to have any kind of real discussion with him about anything. He was just spoiling for fight. [/QUOTE]
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difficult child too disruptive, put to sick leave and coming home for few days
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