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difficult child Total Freakout
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 167953" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>I'm with Sara and SW. I was like you, thinking that if I threatened she couldn't do something special if she didn't behave, she would behave. My poor baby would try to behave but she was so excited, she couldn't. Since I knew I had to be consistent and keep my word, I wouldn't let her do X. Of course she had a major meltdown. Looking back, I would have given anything if someone had told me to NOT do that. </p><p> </p><p>I did learn but it took me a few years, so my little one missed out on some special occasions because of my stupidity and ego. I didn't understand that she couldn't behave. She was too excited, happy. What I finally did was let her watch a favorite movie for an hour or two before the event. This helped calm her enough so she could go. I would go with her to wherever she was going and stay in the background. If I saw she was getting too loud and rambunctious, I would simply tug my ear (our signal) and it would help get her down a notch or two. If she didn't see me, a simple tap on the shoulder, a quick wink and an ear tug would usually work. If they didn't, then it was time to go home. Not to punish her but because she had reached a point where she would no longer be welcome if she continued in her behavior.</p><p> </p><p>Please don't make my mistake. Let your little one socialize as much as possible. Find any other consequence than taking away parties, special school field trips, holidays, etc. Believe me, if our kids could behave, they would. Find something that will keep yours occupied in a quiet manner before an event (or don't tell her about the event until it is time to get ready).</p><p> </p><p>As to her raging when the party was taken away, I can understand it. Imagine if you were looking forward to something. I don't mean just this will be fun looking forward to it, but a yippee!!! this is gonna be a ball looking forward to it. All of a sudden someone tells you you can't go because you were speeding to get home to get ready for this event. You'd be angry, want to rage, cry, scream. Well, at 6, you're going to be just as angry and really not have the ability to not rage, cry, scream. You haven't learned to control your emotions fully at age 6. No 6 year old has and unless already beaten into submission. She behaved as a 6 year old would, even a "normal" child.</p><p> </p><p>As to sending her to your mother's, great idea. It gives you two a break (something that is always a good thing when things are tense), let's her have some fun and spoiling time, gives you a chance to recharge.</p><p> </p><p>As I said, I've been in your shoes. I'm not criticizing your parenting. I just know how much I regret taking the few (2) birthday parties mine as invited to at ages 4-8 away from her. How much I'm sorry for the amusement park trip she didn't get. The Halloween that was taken away for bad behavior. She's 21 now and I still regret those events. If I could do it over, I would have let her got to all of these no matter what she did. The punishment really didn't fit the crime even though I thought it did at the time. Please don't make my mistakes. There are enough regrets and pain for us and our children without adding to them if we can avoid it.</p><p> </p><p>Many hugs. I know your frustration and pain.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 167953, member: 3626"] I'm with Sara and SW. I was like you, thinking that if I threatened she couldn't do something special if she didn't behave, she would behave. My poor baby would try to behave but she was so excited, she couldn't. Since I knew I had to be consistent and keep my word, I wouldn't let her do X. Of course she had a major meltdown. Looking back, I would have given anything if someone had told me to NOT do that. I did learn but it took me a few years, so my little one missed out on some special occasions because of my stupidity and ego. I didn't understand that she couldn't behave. She was too excited, happy. What I finally did was let her watch a favorite movie for an hour or two before the event. This helped calm her enough so she could go. I would go with her to wherever she was going and stay in the background. If I saw she was getting too loud and rambunctious, I would simply tug my ear (our signal) and it would help get her down a notch or two. If she didn't see me, a simple tap on the shoulder, a quick wink and an ear tug would usually work. If they didn't, then it was time to go home. Not to punish her but because she had reached a point where she would no longer be welcome if she continued in her behavior. Please don't make my mistake. Let your little one socialize as much as possible. Find any other consequence than taking away parties, special school field trips, holidays, etc. Believe me, if our kids could behave, they would. Find something that will keep yours occupied in a quiet manner before an event (or don't tell her about the event until it is time to get ready). As to her raging when the party was taken away, I can understand it. Imagine if you were looking forward to something. I don't mean just this will be fun looking forward to it, but a yippee!!! this is gonna be a ball looking forward to it. All of a sudden someone tells you you can't go because you were speeding to get home to get ready for this event. You'd be angry, want to rage, cry, scream. Well, at 6, you're going to be just as angry and really not have the ability to not rage, cry, scream. You haven't learned to control your emotions fully at age 6. No 6 year old has and unless already beaten into submission. She behaved as a 6 year old would, even a "normal" child. As to sending her to your mother's, great idea. It gives you two a break (something that is always a good thing when things are tense), let's her have some fun and spoiling time, gives you a chance to recharge. As I said, I've been in your shoes. I'm not criticizing your parenting. I just know how much I regret taking the few (2) birthday parties mine as invited to at ages 4-8 away from her. How much I'm sorry for the amusement park trip she didn't get. The Halloween that was taken away for bad behavior. She's 21 now and I still regret those events. If I could do it over, I would have let her got to all of these no matter what she did. The punishment really didn't fit the crime even though I thought it did at the time. Please don't make my mistakes. There are enough regrets and pain for us and our children without adding to them if we can avoid it. Many hugs. I know your frustration and pain. [/QUOTE]
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