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difficult child ultimate defiance like i've never seen
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<blockquote data-quote="Jena" data-source="post: 382693" data-attributes="member: 4514"><p>hi</p><p> </p><p>i couldn't sleep last night was up till 5 mostly spending time with husband and also wheels turning bigtime. woke up at 9:30 and called nurse and she was doing stand down again with-them. i spoke to her last night via im and she said she felt hopeless depressed anxiety ridden stuck in a box, etc. lonely afraid scared. she is only 11 so yup this is a hard one. i thought wow i feel the same way difficult child!</p><p> </p><p>i put call into T this morning to see what the approach will be now. i'm heading up with-kids today to see her here is hoping she completes so that they adn me can see her. difficult child has always been stuck on ex h and i getting back together even though we split befoer sh was 2 so she never knew what it was even like with us together. yet i think the combo of shared visitation at the hospital with-me and him playing games with her, etc. made her fixate more. live and learn i say with each step i take in this.</p><p> </p><p>also having all grandparents on same day, bad move. she i dont' think has ever seen them all in the same room ever. and than ex h's wife coming up after not seeing difficult child for 4 mos because they have a very distorted marriage. just a huge combo of events that could of been controlled better by me. yet ex h is fighting for his wife to continue being up there. why i do not know.</p><p> </p><p>so alot of junk that she has we worked on yet she's fixated and has been for years. i'll sit with-her and say dad and i are never getting back togethre it's actually illegal he's married for 6 years now. yet his marriage is weird. his wife is never there. difficult child is convinced she hates her and clears out due to her which we all strongly believe. my ex makes things so volatile so hard to manage and comprehend. his existance makes it so difficult for her the way he is, the way he lives his life.</p><p> </p><p>granted i've made my share of mistakes, yet i've always remined consistant, and always tried Occupational Therapist (OT) help her and each time i do he hinders it best he can. it's so hard to hear how she's hurting, not be able to go to her, not be able to help her. she's so young. i detach better with-older ones. all i can say is i wake up each day, one foot infront of the other and do my best. i'm hurting though in a way i didn't know i could, i'm numb, often detatched. being here with-husband last night helped a little he was very loving and supportive. yet i too feel trapped in a box.</p><p> </p><p>she def has a food phobia, no doubt about that. the therapist said it's an addiction. she is addicted to not eating. i never knew what it would feel like to sit and pray so hard just to see your kid eat. i have taken alot for granted past years. i won't make that same mistake again. i miss her so much. it goes against the grain of who i am as a parent, always be there for your kids, etc. yet i do get that right now the detach is crucial. yet it feels wrong in my heart, yet logically i get it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Jena, post: 382693, member: 4514"] hi i couldn't sleep last night was up till 5 mostly spending time with husband and also wheels turning bigtime. woke up at 9:30 and called nurse and she was doing stand down again with-them. i spoke to her last night via im and she said she felt hopeless depressed anxiety ridden stuck in a box, etc. lonely afraid scared. she is only 11 so yup this is a hard one. i thought wow i feel the same way difficult child! i put call into T this morning to see what the approach will be now. i'm heading up with-kids today to see her here is hoping she completes so that they adn me can see her. difficult child has always been stuck on ex h and i getting back together even though we split befoer sh was 2 so she never knew what it was even like with us together. yet i think the combo of shared visitation at the hospital with-me and him playing games with her, etc. made her fixate more. live and learn i say with each step i take in this. also having all grandparents on same day, bad move. she i dont' think has ever seen them all in the same room ever. and than ex h's wife coming up after not seeing difficult child for 4 mos because they have a very distorted marriage. just a huge combo of events that could of been controlled better by me. yet ex h is fighting for his wife to continue being up there. why i do not know. so alot of junk that she has we worked on yet she's fixated and has been for years. i'll sit with-her and say dad and i are never getting back togethre it's actually illegal he's married for 6 years now. yet his marriage is weird. his wife is never there. difficult child is convinced she hates her and clears out due to her which we all strongly believe. my ex makes things so volatile so hard to manage and comprehend. his existance makes it so difficult for her the way he is, the way he lives his life. granted i've made my share of mistakes, yet i've always remined consistant, and always tried Occupational Therapist (OT) help her and each time i do he hinders it best he can. it's so hard to hear how she's hurting, not be able to go to her, not be able to help her. she's so young. i detach better with-older ones. all i can say is i wake up each day, one foot infront of the other and do my best. i'm hurting though in a way i didn't know i could, i'm numb, often detatched. being here with-husband last night helped a little he was very loving and supportive. yet i too feel trapped in a box. she def has a food phobia, no doubt about that. the therapist said it's an addiction. she is addicted to not eating. i never knew what it would feel like to sit and pray so hard just to see your kid eat. i have taken alot for granted past years. i won't make that same mistake again. i miss her so much. it goes against the grain of who i am as a parent, always be there for your kids, etc. yet i do get that right now the detach is crucial. yet it feels wrong in my heart, yet logically i get it. [/QUOTE]
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