Sweet mama, this is a good place to be. I'm happy for you. It's a place that allows you to make rational decisions, to be kind when kindness is warranted, to step away before things get to be too much, to keep your distance for as long as feels right to you. This is a good place. I know this place...it sometimes becomes a little wobbly, but I have to tell you, I think it is the best place that we parents of difficult child's can hope for.
I do so understand the strange feeling of feeling cold and unloving. I don't believe it is so. I think you are wounded and healing. I am a doctor...recovering patients turn inwards for long long periods of time. The really sick ones don't interact with family, don't acknowledge communication. They need to husband their resources for a long time, to get well. It isn't cold. It is a biologic imperative. You will reach some other equilibriu. This is the best place for you now.
Hugs,
Echo
