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difficult child upped the ante ~ police and ambulance were here
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 478276"><p>Kathy - What an awful thing your difficult child did to you... extremely manipulative and desperate to get her way. I totally understand where you are coming from.... there is nothing scarier than worrying about your child dying, either by suicide or by some other means. It is an awful awful feeling.... and man our difficult children know how to really pull at our heartstrings and will do what they can to do this to us to get what they want.</p><p></p><p>I am surprised that the EMTs could not have taken her to the hospital... must be because her vital signs were normal but really how could they know that you would not have been 20 minutes later?</p><p></p><p>I do think seeing a therapist will be really helpful. I went to a therapist for quite a while and my husband came for some sessions to... and I was seeing her for exactly the reasons you want... to learn to let go and figure out how to handle things. I needed to do that and I found a good therapist and it really helped a lot.</p><p></p><p>Yet I also understand what kimno is saying. I think what has ended up helping me more than anything is the wonderful parent alanon group I have found. I wish all of you lived near me so I could bring you to this group. I understand the frustration some of you have expressed with alanon because it is true it is not really the place to go and discuss specifics about your difficult child and get advice... that happens after the meetings...the focus is really on you and how to take care of you.</p><p></p><p>So why have I found it helpful? In a way it feels almost magic because I don't know exactly. I guess the first thing is it helped me realize that I really am not alone. I also feel that here on this forum but it is nice to have live people who are going through what I am going through... who really understand and related to what i have experienced with my difficult child. Seeing people in real life who i like, who seem like good people, good parents really helped me not feel alone and really helped me realize that my difficult children drug addiction is not my fault. I really didn't cause it, cant control it and can't cure it. Somehow the year I have been going to alanon has gotten me to a different place.</p><p></p><p>Not that I don't still worry, or get anxious because i definitely do... but I am most of the time at more peace than i was before. No I would not be detached or feel ok with the situation you just went through, but I think I would get through it more easily than I did before.</p><p></p><p>I dont think without going to alanon that I could have gone to Europe this summer, leaving my difficult child here on his own to find himself homeless and to really hit bottom. I needed to let him do that for him to really seek help which he finally did.... and it was him getting to the point of being suicidal that he called me and wanted to check himself into a psychiatric unit. I had to get to the point where I realized it is really up to him. I can't help him if he wont help himself.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter is manipulating you in the extreme, or at least she is trying her best. You are doing a great job of not letting her con you, or blackmail you into letting her come home. I hope you keep having the strength to keep doing that... and that is where i think Alanon can help, in supporting you to find peace in your decisions. You are doing the right thing.</p><p></p><p>So I think therapy is a great idea, and I also think alanon is a very good thing. I don't think it replaces therapy because yes you do need to talk about your difficult child, your own reactions, what this is doing to you AND ideas about how you should handle it. We do need to have those conversations. At the alanon meeting I go to, people do talk about their kids.... older members try to keep the focus on ourselves, and that is important. It is also a place to meet others and feel some community with others who really understand and who you can talk about the details about your kids, just not so much during the meeting.</p><p></p><p>Wish you all lived near me so we could go together.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 478276"] Kathy - What an awful thing your difficult child did to you... extremely manipulative and desperate to get her way. I totally understand where you are coming from.... there is nothing scarier than worrying about your child dying, either by suicide or by some other means. It is an awful awful feeling.... and man our difficult children know how to really pull at our heartstrings and will do what they can to do this to us to get what they want. I am surprised that the EMTs could not have taken her to the hospital... must be because her vital signs were normal but really how could they know that you would not have been 20 minutes later? I do think seeing a therapist will be really helpful. I went to a therapist for quite a while and my husband came for some sessions to... and I was seeing her for exactly the reasons you want... to learn to let go and figure out how to handle things. I needed to do that and I found a good therapist and it really helped a lot. Yet I also understand what kimno is saying. I think what has ended up helping me more than anything is the wonderful parent alanon group I have found. I wish all of you lived near me so I could bring you to this group. I understand the frustration some of you have expressed with alanon because it is true it is not really the place to go and discuss specifics about your difficult child and get advice... that happens after the meetings...the focus is really on you and how to take care of you. So why have I found it helpful? In a way it feels almost magic because I don't know exactly. I guess the first thing is it helped me realize that I really am not alone. I also feel that here on this forum but it is nice to have live people who are going through what I am going through... who really understand and related to what i have experienced with my difficult child. Seeing people in real life who i like, who seem like good people, good parents really helped me not feel alone and really helped me realize that my difficult children drug addiction is not my fault. I really didn't cause it, cant control it and can't cure it. Somehow the year I have been going to alanon has gotten me to a different place. Not that I don't still worry, or get anxious because i definitely do... but I am most of the time at more peace than i was before. No I would not be detached or feel ok with the situation you just went through, but I think I would get through it more easily than I did before. I dont think without going to alanon that I could have gone to Europe this summer, leaving my difficult child here on his own to find himself homeless and to really hit bottom. I needed to let him do that for him to really seek help which he finally did.... and it was him getting to the point of being suicidal that he called me and wanted to check himself into a psychiatric unit. I had to get to the point where I realized it is really up to him. I can't help him if he wont help himself. Your daughter is manipulating you in the extreme, or at least she is trying her best. You are doing a great job of not letting her con you, or blackmail you into letting her come home. I hope you keep having the strength to keep doing that... and that is where i think Alanon can help, in supporting you to find peace in your decisions. You are doing the right thing. So I think therapy is a great idea, and I also think alanon is a very good thing. I don't think it replaces therapy because yes you do need to talk about your difficult child, your own reactions, what this is doing to you AND ideas about how you should handle it. We do need to have those conversations. At the alanon meeting I go to, people do talk about their kids.... older members try to keep the focus on ourselves, and that is important. It is also a place to meet others and feel some community with others who really understand and who you can talk about the details about your kids, just not so much during the meeting. Wish you all lived near me so we could go together. TL [/QUOTE]
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