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difficult child was removed from our home tonight
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 249592" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Gwenny, </p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry for all the chaos in your home and with your family. Please know that one of the most favorite games of difficult child's is conquer and divide. When children have what is known as self-taught coping skills they tend to lash out and be angry, hurtful, narcissistic people. We as parents try to nuture them figuring that eventually THEY will be "NORMAL" and stop all the junk and just behave. With difficult child's they've been coping on their own for so long they have to be retrained to learn HOW to behave. Medicines help get their moods stable on occasion to allow them to be more open to therapy. Your son at this time is in for a lifetime of therapy just so that he can have a chance at life. It's a committment that you, husband and the other child in the home face. </p><p> </p><p>Your husband is angry, and with just reason. This is why the entire family needs to be in therapy. At some point in time - you are going to have to face the fact that your son WILL be coming home to live. This starts a vicious cycle as far as I'm concerned because the MOST that ANY Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will keep a child is 18 months. If they see little to no progress on behalf of the child? It's usually less. Most of these places have people they answer to and success rates ARE checked and monitored so they continue to get grant monies and donations. No one wants to be a philanthropist to a lost cause. </p><p> </p><p>Feel free to PM me about RTCs, phospitals and Therapeutic foster care, group homes and anything else - Dude has spent sadly, more time in them than at home in the last 10 years. Currently he lives in foster care. But I will say this. The first time Dude was placed outside the home - he was gone for about 6 months and after a nice rest I felt I could deal with him better. I was so worn out. They kept him for 18 months and a room full of their own people, staff, psychiatrists, and tdocs said "There is no hope for him...none." and sent him home to live with me again. The first 3 days were heaven and then it all fell apart. DO NOT allow that to happen. Always keep checking ahead with other group homes and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s in and around your area, get into counseling and get a plan A, B and C. </p><p> </p><p>You're going to need the rest you'll get now - but ....Eventually guilt comes knocking or you see some improvement in your child on visitation day. I can also tell you being the stoic father who disapproves of his sons behavior and rewards him with absence? Not so good. It will not and does not send the message your son needs right now. So as soon as you can - find out when you can get therapy for everyone and don't think just because he is gone -the house will be okay - it wont. You're going to need to start NOW to learn strategies to deal with this kid AND how to be 100% united in front of him on EVERYTHING. </p><p> </p><p>Hope this helps</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 249592, member: 4964"] Gwenny, I'm sorry for all the chaos in your home and with your family. Please know that one of the most favorite games of difficult child's is conquer and divide. When children have what is known as self-taught coping skills they tend to lash out and be angry, hurtful, narcissistic people. We as parents try to nuture them figuring that eventually THEY will be "NORMAL" and stop all the junk and just behave. With difficult child's they've been coping on their own for so long they have to be retrained to learn HOW to behave. Medicines help get their moods stable on occasion to allow them to be more open to therapy. Your son at this time is in for a lifetime of therapy just so that he can have a chance at life. It's a committment that you, husband and the other child in the home face. Your husband is angry, and with just reason. This is why the entire family needs to be in therapy. At some point in time - you are going to have to face the fact that your son WILL be coming home to live. This starts a vicious cycle as far as I'm concerned because the MOST that ANY Residential Treatment Center (RTC) will keep a child is 18 months. If they see little to no progress on behalf of the child? It's usually less. Most of these places have people they answer to and success rates ARE checked and monitored so they continue to get grant monies and donations. No one wants to be a philanthropist to a lost cause. Feel free to PM me about RTCs, phospitals and Therapeutic foster care, group homes and anything else - Dude has spent sadly, more time in them than at home in the last 10 years. Currently he lives in foster care. But I will say this. The first time Dude was placed outside the home - he was gone for about 6 months and after a nice rest I felt I could deal with him better. I was so worn out. They kept him for 18 months and a room full of their own people, staff, psychiatrists, and tdocs said "There is no hope for him...none." and sent him home to live with me again. The first 3 days were heaven and then it all fell apart. DO NOT allow that to happen. Always keep checking ahead with other group homes and Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s in and around your area, get into counseling and get a plan A, B and C. You're going to need the rest you'll get now - but ....Eventually guilt comes knocking or you see some improvement in your child on visitation day. I can also tell you being the stoic father who disapproves of his sons behavior and rewards him with absence? Not so good. It will not and does not send the message your son needs right now. So as soon as you can - find out when you can get therapy for everyone and don't think just because he is gone -the house will be okay - it wont. You're going to need to start NOW to learn strategies to deal with this kid AND how to be 100% united in front of him on EVERYTHING. Hope this helps Star [/QUOTE]
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