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difficult child's and anorexia/bulimia
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 39811" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p>This about sums it up for me. Despite my reservations, I've always taken everything going on with difficult child very seriously - I just cannot allow her to see just how alarmed or concerned I am. If she sees that I'm 'very worried' or 'freaking out' she eats it up and overplays every little move and thus, makes the situation much worse than it has to be.</p><p></p><p>My plan is to do as everyone has suggested: Keep my eye on it, be sure to time visits to the bathroom after a meal, be sure she's staying hydrated, etc. Last night we talked some more and created her first goal: Eat only half a meal at a time, rather than forcing herself to eat it all (her bff told her to force herself to eat all her food and then when difficult child was feeling too full, she puked it up). So, she ate 1/2 a bagel this morning with a cup of coffee. I gave her lunch money and she is supposed to eat 1/2 of everything and bring the rest home with her. She also voluntarily took a piece of some coconut pound cake I made last night so hopefully she will include that in 1/2 her lunch meal plan. Or, maybe she will do what she says she's been doing and give it all away!</p><p></p><p>I have a call into the counselor - she's been pretty cool with me in that she DOES tell me things, just not in front of difficult child. She will wait for me to call her and then we have a brief discussion. Someone mentioned that maybe the counselor wants to be the 'good guy/friend on difficult child's side' in all this and I tend to agree. She's played that role in the past and then we discuss it privately. difficult child has had on a very long face since sharing this with me and I am getting the impression that she feels like I'm not reacting enough....as if she expected me to bawl and be all upset and freak out (not usually the case - I usually do that in private). I usually try to remain calm so my kids will keep talking. My mother was a freaker outer and as soon as she'd get hysterical, we'd back away so I have always tried to remain calm and supportive while we work through the details.</p><p></p><p>I was considering getting a book or some material on anorexia/bulimia. I am familiar with it as when I was difficult child's age, I was anorexic and my DR threatened me with hospitalization if I didn't 'knock it off'. I got down to about 95lbs at 5'5" (I was 18/19) and one day I just got my appetite back. My easy child went through a period where she lost her appetite and when her hair began falling out in whisps, I pointed out to her that it is probably related to her diet and she started eating again. And that was that.</p><p></p><p>difficult child told me she doesn't like her belly and legs. I suggested a walk around the block in the afternoons rather than her usual nap. She grimaced. I am not averse to having difficult child join a gym, in fact, we've done it all - a gym, dance class, Tai-Bo, Karate, gymnastics, etc. The thing is that she will sign up and then not go and then I've wasted hundreds of dollars. This kid has made an art out of sleeping. If she were getting paid for it, she'd be a millionaire! She smokes, sleeps, works PT, goes to school, and watches hockey and Law & Order. That is the extent of her activities. I've tried to coax her into going hiking with me, biking, etc. I've tried to get her to read a book, or get back into her drawing artwork and music, but she just gives me a blank stare.</p><p></p><p>I've watched her try new ways of getting a rise out of us and behaving risque or dangerously over the past few years. She tried cutting for a while, she tried to tattoo herself, she had risque discussions with strangers on line and wound up being kidnapped and assaulted. Now this. I know that she's bored and lonely. I know that she feels like all her peers from school are out having a blast and no one calls her to join them. on the other hand, when they do call, she declines the invite.</p><p></p><p>She was recently being "courted" (ugh, I'm so old, but that's what it was) by this nice kid at her school, but she chose a loser over him. Now this loser never calls her during the day on a Sat/Sun, but only maybe once or twice during the week for about an hour he will come over, flop down and watch TV with her and then leave. It's like he's killing time and in between difficult child sits around mooning over him (God, I am SO old!).</p><p></p><p>Thanks for all the feedback.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 39811, member: 2211"] This about sums it up for me. Despite my reservations, I've always taken everything going on with difficult child very seriously - I just cannot allow her to see just how alarmed or concerned I am. If she sees that I'm 'very worried' or 'freaking out' she eats it up and overplays every little move and thus, makes the situation much worse than it has to be. My plan is to do as everyone has suggested: Keep my eye on it, be sure to time visits to the bathroom after a meal, be sure she's staying hydrated, etc. Last night we talked some more and created her first goal: Eat only half a meal at a time, rather than forcing herself to eat it all (her bff told her to force herself to eat all her food and then when difficult child was feeling too full, she puked it up). So, she ate 1/2 a bagel this morning with a cup of coffee. I gave her lunch money and she is supposed to eat 1/2 of everything and bring the rest home with her. She also voluntarily took a piece of some coconut pound cake I made last night so hopefully she will include that in 1/2 her lunch meal plan. Or, maybe she will do what she says she's been doing and give it all away! I have a call into the counselor - she's been pretty cool with me in that she DOES tell me things, just not in front of difficult child. She will wait for me to call her and then we have a brief discussion. Someone mentioned that maybe the counselor wants to be the 'good guy/friend on difficult child's side' in all this and I tend to agree. She's played that role in the past and then we discuss it privately. difficult child has had on a very long face since sharing this with me and I am getting the impression that she feels like I'm not reacting enough....as if she expected me to bawl and be all upset and freak out (not usually the case - I usually do that in private). I usually try to remain calm so my kids will keep talking. My mother was a freaker outer and as soon as she'd get hysterical, we'd back away so I have always tried to remain calm and supportive while we work through the details. I was considering getting a book or some material on anorexia/bulimia. I am familiar with it as when I was difficult child's age, I was anorexic and my DR threatened me with hospitalization if I didn't 'knock it off'. I got down to about 95lbs at 5'5" (I was 18/19) and one day I just got my appetite back. My easy child went through a period where she lost her appetite and when her hair began falling out in whisps, I pointed out to her that it is probably related to her diet and she started eating again. And that was that. difficult child told me she doesn't like her belly and legs. I suggested a walk around the block in the afternoons rather than her usual nap. She grimaced. I am not averse to having difficult child join a gym, in fact, we've done it all - a gym, dance class, Tai-Bo, Karate, gymnastics, etc. The thing is that she will sign up and then not go and then I've wasted hundreds of dollars. This kid has made an art out of sleeping. If she were getting paid for it, she'd be a millionaire! She smokes, sleeps, works PT, goes to school, and watches hockey and Law & Order. That is the extent of her activities. I've tried to coax her into going hiking with me, biking, etc. I've tried to get her to read a book, or get back into her drawing artwork and music, but she just gives me a blank stare. I've watched her try new ways of getting a rise out of us and behaving risque or dangerously over the past few years. She tried cutting for a while, she tried to tattoo herself, she had risque discussions with strangers on line and wound up being kidnapped and assaulted. Now this. I know that she's bored and lonely. I know that she feels like all her peers from school are out having a blast and no one calls her to join them. on the other hand, when they do call, she declines the invite. She was recently being "courted" (ugh, I'm so old, but that's what it was) by this nice kid at her school, but she chose a loser over him. Now this loser never calls her during the day on a Sat/Sun, but only maybe once or twice during the week for about an hour he will come over, flop down and watch TV with her and then leave. It's like he's killing time and in between difficult child sits around mooning over him (God, I am SO old!). Thanks for all the feedback. [/QUOTE]
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