First, I have to say that my husband was a warrior dad tonight and I am so proud of him. There were many times when our children were growing up that I felt that I was raising them alone. I carried the largest part of that responsibility in our marriage and it was very frustrating for me. I would have loved for him to have been a more "hands on" kind of father, but it wasn't to be. I don't believe he was being malicious about it, I believe he didn't know WHAT to dbviously, as time has gone by, we have both changed and our children are all now 18 and older. What has changed the most, specifically regarding our difficult child is that while she was at home as a minor, she was mainly my responsibility as were the other children. Now............... My husband steps up to the plate ESPECIALLY regarding our difficult child. You can't begin to know how much this relieves me, or maybe you do! Looking back, I can see how we have balanced each other thru the years, when and where I was weak, he was strong, when and where he was weak, I was strong. These days and for quite a while now, he takes a firm stand with our difficult child. I have tried to just remain neutral with her, never challenge her, just keep the peace so that we are not too involved with her drama, but continue to have a relationship with her, and so that we can have a relationship with her son, our grandson. Since our difficult child left our home at 16 yrs. of age and we paid for her to be in foster care (that cost us a fortune not only financially, but other ways also) we told her to never ask us for another dime. We explained that the money we would have paid for her to go to school and to pay for a wedding was already spent for her foster care. She has never asked us for a penny and she has been in some desperate situations. To be honest, I am amazed because no never meant no to her and every challenge was worth a try. Boundaries were never boundaries in her eyes, but this one thing, she has not crossed the line on for 7 years, until tonight......... She called tonight, and asked for me.......... the weak one now? She used to hate me, I believe because she couldn't manipulate me. She was crying her eyes out, very, very distraught. She asked us to send her $108 for a bus ticket back to Texas. Several months ago, she moved away from Texas AND HER SON!!!! (what kind of mother can just walk away from her child? OMG, did I even raise her???) to South Carolina to live with an online (female)friend she had met, work and save up some money and said her plan was to move back here and be a part of her sons life. She says she is working two jobs, I don't really know, she is a teller of tales. She said tonight that her roommate was in a car accident and was in the hospital and that our difficult child had to pay the Dec. rent and bills and buy another car. Our difficult child said she had $600 saved and would use that money to do all that. Hmmmmmmmm, that is a lot of expenditures for $600, but begged us sobbing to send her $108 so that she could buy a bus ticket to get back home to see her son for Christmas. She didn't want to disappoint her son. She planned to be here for 10 days! I wonder how she worked that out with her bosses considering she is a fairly new employee. I wonder what she would use for "spending money" while here? On one hand I hate doing this, but I did. I passed the buck on to her father. I am so tired of being the bad guy to our children, I have spent years saying no, following up, staying strong that I think my "stay" power is used up. My husband very blatantly told her NO! She cried, begged and sobbed some more and then wanted to talk to me again (the weak one????). It was truly heart wrenching for me, but I told her that I supported her dad, my husband. She changed her tactic and said she wasn't asking for an answer right now, but could I just talk to him and then we could make a decision? Being the wuss that I was, I said we would discuss it, but I doubted he would change his mind, but if he did, I would call her, but don't count on it. I sympathized with her and told her how awful *I* would feel if I were in the same situation and that maybe she could take on another job or do something to earn $108 for that bus ticket. I finally had to tell her that I had to get off the phone. I couldn't take anymore. Raising a difficult child really warps a person. Or at least mine does. I can't believe anything she tells me, anything! I can't be happy for her when she tells me good things that happen nor can I feel sympathy or even help her out in bad times, because I can't believe one word she tells me. It's surreal. I am extremely tied to her emotionally. When she cries, my heart cries, when she is happy, I am happy when reasonable, when she is distraught, I am distraught. I have to work so dang hard to think with my head and not my heart with her. I have to work to keep myself from falling into the trap that is my difficult child. I had been having a good day/evening when our difficult child called. When I hung up the phone, I wanted to vomit. This isn't healthy. Mainly I wanted to post and say yea!!! to my husband for being a stand up guy and taking the pressure off of me. I love him for that.