difficult child's behavior

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Wiped Out, Oct 20, 2008.

  1. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The following is the e-mail I received from difficult child's Special Education teacher today. Apparently he is having some new behaviors at school.

    Email from the teacher:
    I just wanted you to be updated on a few things that have come up with difficult child today that I haven't seen before:

    1. He drew on one of the teacher's pants. He did "fix the problem" by erasing the line on pants.

    2. A few teachers (there were 3 teachers) reported independently that difficult child appeared fixated on the notion of men beating up their wives at home. He kept blurting out "does your husband beat you up?" "do you fight?" to the women teachers in the room. When approached by the male student teacher who told him that it wasn't appropriate to say those things to women and that it was against the law to which difficult child replied that "women can hide it." One teacher did take him out of the room and went for a brief walk. This appeared to help.

    3. difficult child's pants fell down in the middle of class. A few students snickered. He was sad, but not apparently mad about it. Perhaps, a belt??

    Again, these don't appear to be huge things, but I did want you to be aware of them. We are still planning on meeting next Monday at 3:15? Let me know if that changes.

    p.s. difficult child also slept again in LA class

    I don't at all understand where number two came from (for that matter number one either). When I talked to difficult child about it he said it was something he heard on a news radio program when he was riding with husband? Not sure if this is true or not but don't know where else he might have picked it up.

    In regards to number 3 we just bought him a belt (which he couldn't find this morning and refused to wear anything else, guess I'll be belt shopping again tonight.

    He has also been sleeping frequently in the afternoon so I guess a call to the psychiatrist is in order.

    On top of all of this we were riding home and difficult child started asking me about wanting to see the jail. When I asked him why and said he didn't plan on being there? He replied he did plan on being there someday. I asked why and he replied that he wanted to beat someone up and kill them someday. He said it seriously and I tried to explain what jail is like and he said he could get use to it! Good grief!!!! Of course, I tried to explain he wouldn't really want to that and why it would be wrong, etc...

    I don't think he was at all serious even though he sounded serious (does that make any sense?). Other than reporting it to the psychiatrist and therapist would you do anything else?

    Never a dull moment!
  2. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Wow -- those comments to you about jail are a bit disconcerting! My first reaction is that he is obesessed, delusional and having a break with reality. I'd definitely let the psychiatrist know when you call about the sedation problems. Do you think that's from the Topamax?
  3. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    I was very scared when my difficult child told me that his body wanted him to hurt someone (a few times it was me). I would be terrified if he said he actually wanted to even if I didn't believe it. The psychiatrist or therapist should be able to help.
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Gvc Mom-I don't think it's the Topamax only because he has been on it so long. The weird thing is the rest of the night he was fine it was just that conversation and then he switched topics and went on to something else.

    Andy-I probably should be terrified. In the past it bothered me so much when he would talk about hurting and killing one of us. This one just threw me for a loop-I'm concerned and will mention it but I'm not sure the psychiatrist will make much of it. I hope they deal with it in his therapy appointment this week.
  5. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    it's a good thing that difficult child has an appointment this week, Anyway you are able to get word to them beforehand?

    I would think that there is some connection between the wife beating and the jail questions. It really could be something he heard on the radio. I don't think it's at all unusual for our kids to fixate on something they heard or saw.

    The drawing on a teacher's clothing I just don't understand at all! Did he just go up to one of his teachers, reach out and draw a line on her pants? Or perhaps as she was walking by his desk? That is a huge personal space and disrespect issue I would think. It's kinda odd.

    The pants falling, poor difficult child! I think a cheap spare belt is a good thing to keep in the car!

  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hmm. Some odd things there. I'm glad you were able to talk to him about it. But I'm sorry to hear about his ideas of jail. Definitely, a visit to the dr is in order.
    Best of luck. Let us know if the dr thinks it's the medications.
  7. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Despite his progress behavior wise, he still seems to have an area of distorted thinking that comes out every so often. Maybe news stories trigger it.
    The belt thing is a good lesson about putting belt where it can be found the next day. Nothing like natural consequences if he learns from the embarrassment. My difficult child does learn sometimes and other times, he doesn't really care or remember the lessons learned.

    I'm sure the talk of violence and his assumption prison is an ok place to be is pretty unsettling. Hopefully, he will grow out of this.
  8. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    Do you think he is saying any of these things just to get a rise out of the people around him? I'm sure you are embarassed by the wife beating thing, so sorry. Mine tells teachers we keep him up all night and don't feed him. With mine he knows the truth, he just likes to lie, and he is very, very good at it.
  9. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    I was thinking the same thing as House of Cards, it is at all possible he was just trying to get attention? And maybe a rise out of you with regards to the jail thing? My difficult child often does that to me. She will say outlandish things just to bait me into an all out war over something so ridiculous!!! She really gets a kick out of terrifying me. Just a thought. I would mention it to the psychiatrist for sure. Better safe than sorry. Good luck, hang in there. :)
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sharon-I wonder too if he didn't hear something on the news that triggered it because right with that conversation he asked about getting a new cell phone so he could donate his old one (which makes me think he heard something because I know some places collect donated phones for domestic abuse victims). I agree about the drawing on the pants being very disrespectful. difficult child just thinks it was funny:(

    Terry-Thanks for the good wishes. I'll let you know what the therapist says tomorrow.

    Fran-Definitely some distorted thinking at times. I have to agree the pants falling down was a good lesson. Don't know that he'll actually learn from it but we can hope! He did wear his new belt to school today and found his other one in his gym locker.

    Kathie and Bran-He does say things to get a rise out of us but I don't think this was one of those times because he was so calm and matter of fact about it which is not how he is when he is baiting us.

    I've decided to talk to therapist tomorrow at his appointment and then bring it up to the psychiatrist. He has a psychiatrist appointment next week and if things get worse before then I will call, actually I may call sooner because of the sleeping thing.

    husband told me he talked to his prinicpal and that difficult child's principal told her that today was the first time they saw "the look" that we've told them difficult child sometimes gets, the one where his eyes kind of glaze over and you know at that point he isn't really in control. Sounds like they handled it well! Not happy though that he is getting that look again.
  11. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    As I was reading, I was wondering if he had heard something, too, about abusive husbands. Maybe fixated, maybe curious, maybe seeing if it is a "normal" thing to have happen in a family? Maybe trying to find some kind of context to put it into because it has to be a very foreign concept from his experience at home.

    I would also worry about the violence talk. I would definitely address it with the psychiatrist and therapist. Is he in any kind of social skills group? Is this something that the therapist can pull together? I wonder if the talk of violence is him feeling powerless and beating someone up and killing them would give him power. Maybe too much psychology thinking - maybe I'm overanalyzing, but just thought I'd throw that out there since it crossed my mind.
  12. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Heather-Right now he isn't in a social skills group-in elementary school he was. Right now they are hoping for peer relationships to occur naturally but are considering it. You could be right about the power thing. He does like to be in control.
  13. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member


    So sorry difficult child seems to be going downhill. I read this post earlier but didn't have time to respond. I'm glad your difficult child has a therapist appointment today. I'm glad you're going to mention the threat of violence as it has me concerned.

    Please update when you can. Thinking of you... WFEN
  14. amazeofgrace

    amazeofgrace New Member

    I wouldn't be too worrid about #2, it's a comment that gets attention, and he has figured that out. I remember when difficult child I was asking all his female teachers "what's a testicle?"! difficult child II also had the school psychiatric diagnosis him as paranoid schizophrenic, because difficult child II was "seeing vampires" of course his descriptions mirrored the current Van Helsing movie commercials that were out... again it got a reaction...
  15. Pookybear66

    Pookybear66 New Member

    Many of the same thoughts as others have posted already came across my mind so I won't bother reposting them.
    (((hugs to you)))