difficult child's bio grandma ROCKS! Long

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by mstang67chic, Mar 17, 2008.

  1. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

    I had posted a while back about difficult child wanting to call his egg donor. He had talked to his bio grandma who told him to wait till she had a chance to talk to ED. Tonight he decided to call his grandma to get ED's number.

    Well..........this woman, gently but firmly, basically set difficult child straight on what should be his priorities. She called me later and told me what she said to him. I took notes because I wanted to give the counselor a run down on the conversation. I also wanted to post it here too.

    G'ma told difficult child that she had spoken with ED. ED said (this just FLOORED me) that what with her being flat broke, on house arrest and "stuck" with B (the father of her last child), she didn't see how she would be able to be any kind of role model or be able to give advice. G'ma had never told ED about any of difficult child's issues but she did tonight and told her all that we've done for him.

    At one point in the conversation, difficult child told G'ma that he wanted to see and talk more to his "real" family. We (husband and I) aren't his real family, we don't give him stuff and G'ma jumped him for it. She asked him what he was calling her on and he told her he was using his cell phone. She said "Oh, you mean the cell phone that THEY gave you?" She told him that we ARE his family. We love him, provide for him and we ARE his parents.

    She told him that his brother didn't like living with her (g'ma) and went to live with ED after he turned 18. Obviously that didn't go well as difficult child's brother is now sitting in big boy jail and it's because of ED's influence and the brother's refusal to follow rules and face his problems.

    difficult child tried to tell her that we don't treat him well, don't buy him things, don't let him do things, etc. and again, she let him have it. She said he needs to think about how he treats us and why it is that we don't buy him all of these things. She knows how he treats us and how he treats his things and we aren't doing anything wrong. Anything we do is a direct result of his behaviors and attitudes so if he wants better, he needs to show us some respect to EARN respect. She said that everytime she talks to him, difficult child lies to her. He tells her that he's getting straight A's, participating in things, etc. and she knows for a fact that that isn't true.

    There was a lot more to the conversation but I'm having trouble deciphering my own notes. She called me later in the evening because she was worried that she said the wrong thing. She knew he was upset with her but I told her what she did was fine. (I could hear part of her end and she was doing this in a loving but flat out tell it like it is manner) This type of thing is exactly what difficult child needed to hear but it couldn't come from us. For one thing, he wouldn't have believed anything we said and honestly, it needed to come from a bio family member.

    He talked to her again briefly after I did and I heard him talking about ED. He told G'ma to tell her that he didn't want to talk to her until she got her stuff straight. I'm not sure how long that attitude will last but I'm glad to see it. I'm going to try to make heads or tails out of my notes, type them up and send them to the counselor. I'm sure all of this is going to be rolling around in his head for quite awhile and I want the counselor to help him with it.

    I was just so proud of his G'ma. She was scared to death that she did or said the wrong thing but it was what he needed to hear. The results of this conversation remain to be seen, and I'll be on the watch for fall out but I think it was a good thing.

    Oh and a side funny. When G'ma was talking about difficult child's older brother, she said that he's really had his head up his bum for so long. She had received a letter recently and going by what he said in the letter, it appears that he's starting to crown. It took me a minute to figure out that she meant crowning as in his head is starting to come back out but once I did, I was :rofl::rofl::rofl:

    But yeah, his Grandma ROCKS!
  2. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Wow, grandma rules. It's great he had someone call him on what he says and how he sees things. That is just awesome.
  3. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You are so right, his Grandma does ROCK!!!! I'm glad she told him like it is!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I like her!
  5. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Go grandma!
  6. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Grandma rocks!

    :rofl: on crowning!!!
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    difficult child is lucky to have such a smart bio grandma who cares enough to tell things like they are. Let's hope difficult child got quite a bit of her genes.

    The crowning thing had me falling out of the chair.....lmao
  8. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Go granny Go!!!

    LMAO @ the crowning. That was hilarious.
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Do you think she would be available in about three years to talk to difficult child 2? Sounds like a similiar conversation that he will need.

    Go grandma and go you for riding the storm.

  10. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Well-Known Member

    I'm glad that Bio-Gma loves him enough to tell him like it is. I'm also glad that ED was smart enough to realise she is in no position to parent another child. It's good that it didn't come out as a rejection of difficult child but rather out of love for him and respect for you & husband.

    Bravo Grandma!!!:warrior:
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I like her too!

    WOW. At least you know SOME of your difficult child's genes have some sense - maybe he'll grow on that.

    One can hope. And actually you have to give it to ED that she didn't lie and try to wreck his life too with bad influences. I think the planets were aligned just right.
  12. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    WOW... I think more Grandma's should take that course...
    Advanced Grandma'ing~200 -included in this course the theories on Crowning. Head removal from the bum...and more advanced techniques. Some hands on lab work will be required. 18+years or so to graduate. Very Demanding....
    She sounds like a perfect teacher....
  13. SaraT

    SaraT New Member

    Go Grandma.:bravo::bow: I hope it sinks in to difficult child's brain.

    As for the crowning :rofl:. I like that one.
  14. 'Chelle

    'Chelle Active Member

    :bravo: to grandma for keeping it real and telling it like it is. I think it's what he needed to hear to maybe see past those rose colored glasses he's wearing to see his bio family through.

    What amazes me - you're not his real family because you don't give him things?!!?!!? As he wears the clothes, sleeps in the bed, eats the food, talks on the phone etc. etc. etc. that you've provided him. What does he really think will happen if he contacts biomom - that she'll say come on in son, here's a car, a plasma tv, ps3, xbox360, computer, designer duds, and what else do you want, anything, cuz we're real family?

    Hope grandma's words have given him a lightbulb moment to reality.
  15. mstang67chic

    mstang67chic Going Green

  16. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Well, you know, I have been telling everyone that M has his head up his hoo-haw for years now. Now that he's at least learned some manners, I am definitely going to be referring to it as "crowning". husband got a big chuckle out of that description, by the way!
  17. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so glad the grandma supported you and told difficult child the REAL facts of life.

    Hopefully this will help.