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difficult child's Expectations
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<blockquote data-quote="welcometowitsend" data-source="post: 574299" data-attributes="member: 14356"><p>Maybe you can find some sort of compromise. Are you still paying her car insurance and cell phone directly or are your parents paying it now? I would make it so that you pay it each month until she turns 18. I might give her 3 months after she finishes school to find a way to make the payments before I put everything in her lap. </p><p></p><p>Also, there is a good book by Gail Vaz-Oxlade about helping prepare kids to pay their own bills, etc.. It gradually eases them in to budgeting and managing money over a period of time. EX:. We are starting our easy child daughter (almost 14) with an allowance that will allow her to have her cell phone bill come out of her bank account, give her a small amount of spending money and enough money to cover the cost of clothing and school supplies. In September she will also begin budgeting for covering the cost of her dance shoes, tights, etc.. This might seem like a lot for her but she is very responsible. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you and husband could sit down and set up a budget for her basic costs that your parents will pay for and supply them with grocery store cards for that (those won't go to difficult child, hopefully) and then you can estimate what difficult child needs for clothing and a bit of spending money, maybe even her cell phone bill and have that transferred directly into her bank account every month. If she spends it all she will be heading to Goodwill for the prom dress (not that there is anything wrong with that at all but she will be limiting her options). That will take the fight out of things. I would make it clear that it is her money to do with as she pleases but I'd also help her set up a budget so she gets an idea of what she can and can not afford. Then she can't come to you looking for an 'advance' because the transfer is automatic on the 1st of the month and 'out of your control'. </p><p> </p><p>Then when you go prom dress shopping it will be on her budget and you can enjoy the time without tension. If things are going ok you could take her out for lunch as a treat or maybe buy her a nice hair clip to add to her prom outfit as something special. </p><p></p><p>I'm not sure if you should ask her what her expectations are of you. I think you should tell her what you are willing to do/not do.</p><p></p><p>With our difficult child son who is choosing to be out of our home we only pay for his guitar lessons and his medication. That's it. He gets no other money from us. At Christmas I bought him bus tickets and grocery store gift cards. No cash. It's a little different because he is not looking to further himself or succeed at all whereas it looks like your daughter has some good intentions, plans and does want to succeed. It is also a little bit trickier because she is living with your parents. My difficult child is couch surfing with strangers and I don't feel the least bit obligated to cover the food/utilities he uses in their homes. I would if he was staying long term with my parents though. Tough spot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcometowitsend, post: 574299, member: 14356"] Maybe you can find some sort of compromise. Are you still paying her car insurance and cell phone directly or are your parents paying it now? I would make it so that you pay it each month until she turns 18. I might give her 3 months after she finishes school to find a way to make the payments before I put everything in her lap. Also, there is a good book by Gail Vaz-Oxlade about helping prepare kids to pay their own bills, etc.. It gradually eases them in to budgeting and managing money over a period of time. EX:. We are starting our easy child daughter (almost 14) with an allowance that will allow her to have her cell phone bill come out of her bank account, give her a small amount of spending money and enough money to cover the cost of clothing and school supplies. In September she will also begin budgeting for covering the cost of her dance shoes, tights, etc.. This might seem like a lot for her but she is very responsible. Maybe you and husband could sit down and set up a budget for her basic costs that your parents will pay for and supply them with grocery store cards for that (those won't go to difficult child, hopefully) and then you can estimate what difficult child needs for clothing and a bit of spending money, maybe even her cell phone bill and have that transferred directly into her bank account every month. If she spends it all she will be heading to Goodwill for the prom dress (not that there is anything wrong with that at all but she will be limiting her options). That will take the fight out of things. I would make it clear that it is her money to do with as she pleases but I'd also help her set up a budget so she gets an idea of what she can and can not afford. Then she can't come to you looking for an 'advance' because the transfer is automatic on the 1st of the month and 'out of your control'. Then when you go prom dress shopping it will be on her budget and you can enjoy the time without tension. If things are going ok you could take her out for lunch as a treat or maybe buy her a nice hair clip to add to her prom outfit as something special. I'm not sure if you should ask her what her expectations are of you. I think you should tell her what you are willing to do/not do. With our difficult child son who is choosing to be out of our home we only pay for his guitar lessons and his medication. That's it. He gets no other money from us. At Christmas I bought him bus tickets and grocery store gift cards. No cash. It's a little different because he is not looking to further himself or succeed at all whereas it looks like your daughter has some good intentions, plans and does want to succeed. It is also a little bit trickier because she is living with your parents. My difficult child is couch surfing with strangers and I don't feel the least bit obligated to cover the food/utilities he uses in their homes. I would if he was staying long term with my parents though. Tough spot. [/QUOTE]
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