So difficult child came up this weekend to welcome her father home. She met me at the welcome home party and proceeded to pretend like nothing had ever happened. I let it go for the first day because I wanted us to have a break and get the hubby home and rested before we talked. I have an odd feeling that difficult child was unhappy that I had packed all her things for her to take to my parents. I had told her when she left last Monday that I would pack her things for her but I don't think she expected it. She didn't mention it but she acted funny when she saw it. Day 2 we decided to go out to eat and I talked to the hubby about speaking with her. He is definitely the type to avoid conflict and I could tell he wasn't going to initiate the conversation. When we went to lunch I asked difficult child what her plans were and she stated go to finish high school and go to college. Great ideas that I am glad she is putting 1st. I asked about a job and she mentioned working at a farm for a family friend and volunteering at a animal hospital both of which are wonderful and will fit her well. I then let her know that when she turns 18 she will need to be earning enough to pay for her car, car insurance, and cell phone. She was not happy but she didn't say anything because we were at a hibachi restaurant where other families were sitting next to us. Sad but I had intentionally planned to speak with her there because she would be unable to act so hateful. I didn't push it any further since the hubby didnt add anything and I didn't want to cause a blow up in the restaurant. I spoke to the hubby for a second before we got in the car for the ride home and told him we needed to speak with her about what she expects from us and what our limits will be. Of course he doesn't initiate and difficult child starts talking about prom dresses from the back seat. Some girl is selling her pageant dresses on Facebook and we should look at them. An obvious hint that she wants us to buy her prom dress. Anyway I just flat asked her "what are your expectations from us now that you have moved out?" She said I don't know and acted confused. So I prompted and said well what about your prom dress are you expecting us to buy it? She said well I would think you would want to buy it and take me shopping for it. This is where it got ugly. She went on to say there was no way she could get a job to pay for her car, car insurance, and cell phone. That we were punishing her for moving out and trying to make her life difficult. In some ways I guess she is right. If she were living at home and abiding by our rules we would continue to pay for her things. But at the same time she can't stand to be around us and doesn't want to deal with her issues. She cant respect us and she doesn't want to live under our roof but she wants us to continue to do all the things we did before. I just don't know how to walk this tight rope. I don't want to enable her to continue to run away from things that require her to change or at least work for change. I don't want to make it easy for her to walk away from her family and make it perfectly ok for her to do it. I also don't want to run her off and make her never come back again. On the other hand why would I want to spend days pretending that life is fine and shopping with her for prom dresses if I am not allowed to say anything she doesn't want to hear? What is so fun about that? I have dreamed about being there for all these Senior year things for years and now in order to be a part of them I have to deal with my parents who I have recently lost a great deal of respect for. I also have to put on my happy face and basically be a walking smiling bank account. How do I do that and feel like a person?