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General Parenting
difficult child's golden birthday and more
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 397193" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I've felt the same delima (sp) with my son, kjs. I think you handled the situation about sex and birth control as best you could given the circumstances and lack of real help from a male role model for difficult child. As far as the behavior- explosive behavior- I think at this point you have to detach some and let natural consequences take over. I understand it is probably not his fault that he developed that problem and I personally doubt he does it on purpose, but it has become habit. So much so that he feels more comfortable handling things that way than a better way. If no counseling has helped, and I doubt anger management classes would (given how all they did for my son was teach him more explosive behaviors), then quit trying to rescue him from consequences and definitely don't cover for them. Who cares if his girlfriend dumps him or her parents make her quit seeing him? That might be a godsend. Something needs to start waking him up or when he is an adult with real life pressures of a serious relationship with financial and employment strains, as examples, and a baby in the house that he's responsible for, how will he handle things then? This is the point I had to come to terms with regarding my son, at least. I will ALWAYS love him as my little boy, but I would be doing him an injustice at his age not to start making him suffer real life consequences for things that potentially (and probably) would lead him to becoming an abusive adult toward my grandchildren someday- when I have them. Then it's all but too late. Every time you let him manipulate you by making you feel guilty or too scared to stand up and confront him or enforce appropriate boundaries and punishments, he is getting this behavior reinforced. I'd suggest you finding time, even though it's very difficult with your work schedule, to spend a few sessions with a therapist by yourself to cry some of this out and get an objective viewpoint about where to go from here. It really helped me to regroup and make logical decisions when my son started pushing his boundaries to the point of bullying me. ((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 397193, member: 3699"] I've felt the same delima (sp) with my son, kjs. I think you handled the situation about sex and birth control as best you could given the circumstances and lack of real help from a male role model for difficult child. As far as the behavior- explosive behavior- I think at this point you have to detach some and let natural consequences take over. I understand it is probably not his fault that he developed that problem and I personally doubt he does it on purpose, but it has become habit. So much so that he feels more comfortable handling things that way than a better way. If no counseling has helped, and I doubt anger management classes would (given how all they did for my son was teach him more explosive behaviors), then quit trying to rescue him from consequences and definitely don't cover for them. Who cares if his girlfriend dumps him or her parents make her quit seeing him? That might be a godsend. Something needs to start waking him up or when he is an adult with real life pressures of a serious relationship with financial and employment strains, as examples, and a baby in the house that he's responsible for, how will he handle things then? This is the point I had to come to terms with regarding my son, at least. I will ALWAYS love him as my little boy, but I would be doing him an injustice at his age not to start making him suffer real life consequences for things that potentially (and probably) would lead him to becoming an abusive adult toward my grandchildren someday- when I have them. Then it's all but too late. Every time you let him manipulate you by making you feel guilty or too scared to stand up and confront him or enforce appropriate boundaries and punishments, he is getting this behavior reinforced. I'd suggest you finding time, even though it's very difficult with your work schedule, to spend a few sessions with a therapist by yourself to cry some of this out and get an objective viewpoint about where to go from here. It really helped me to regroup and make logical decisions when my son started pushing his boundaries to the point of bullying me. ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
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