but a small part of me wants him to so they can see what i have to deal with,
Oh, I know THAT feeling! :crazy:I went to our child psychiatric for a cpl mo's b4 difficult child acted up, and it wasn't anywhere near full-blown, but enough to give the dr a good idea. Same with-the pediatrician. difficult child tore apart his ofc, ran down the hall and hid, locked us out of the room... when he was 4 or 5. Still, husband wouldn't do medications until last yr. (Sigh.) :frown:
It isn't that you're evil... just practical. Actions speak louder than words. Let him act out and you won't have to say anything at all.
The goal is to get him help. When he gets help, you will feel better.
Right now, he's in foster care and you have your house pretty much to yourself, right? Calm down. Take a deep breath. Trust the foster parents to cook his dinner and keep an eye on him. You are giving yourself a break. Don't beat yourself up and second guess yourself. These things take time.
