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General Parenting
Discussion: difficult children - Setting Boundaries vs Accomodations
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<blockquote data-quote="idohope" data-source="post: 515660" data-attributes="member: 7722"><p>I think it also depends on the difficult child issues and priorities. When physical safety of difficult child and family members was looming issue, the room was not a concern. When physical safety and academics are somewhat under control I try to address difficult children room. With a diagonosis of anxiety and some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/hoarding tendencies I am sure that difficult child can not manage her room the way her siblings do. So I could go in an throw everything out but it will just go back to where it is and may increase her anxiety and make her hold on to everything even more. So it takes baby steps. No new clothes go in until a piece of clothing that does not fit anymore goes out. I put that rule in place a couple of years ago. She would not let go of clothes even if she could not wear them anymore. Then she would but she had to know the person that I was handing them down to. Now she will just give me clothes that dont fit. So I feel that I accomodate her but that I am not enabling her. I am actively working on building the skills that she is lacking. With the room example the accomodate/enable line is pretty clear to me. I struggle in other areas to make sure that I am accomodating without enabling. But I work on this with difficult children therapist in sessions with just me and the therapist. </p><p></p><p>Having said this I also draw a line at unsanitary conditions and at that point you need to step in. And I have had to address unsanitary conditions in difficult children room by removing things and having the no food any bedroom rule.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="idohope, post: 515660, member: 7722"] I think it also depends on the difficult child issues and priorities. When physical safety of difficult child and family members was looming issue, the room was not a concern. When physical safety and academics are somewhat under control I try to address difficult children room. With a diagonosis of anxiety and some Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)/hoarding tendencies I am sure that difficult child can not manage her room the way her siblings do. So I could go in an throw everything out but it will just go back to where it is and may increase her anxiety and make her hold on to everything even more. So it takes baby steps. No new clothes go in until a piece of clothing that does not fit anymore goes out. I put that rule in place a couple of years ago. She would not let go of clothes even if she could not wear them anymore. Then she would but she had to know the person that I was handing them down to. Now she will just give me clothes that dont fit. So I feel that I accomodate her but that I am not enabling her. I am actively working on building the skills that she is lacking. With the room example the accomodate/enable line is pretty clear to me. I struggle in other areas to make sure that I am accomodating without enabling. But I work on this with difficult children therapist in sessions with just me and the therapist. Having said this I also draw a line at unsanitary conditions and at that point you need to step in. And I have had to address unsanitary conditions in difficult children room by removing things and having the no food any bedroom rule. [/QUOTE]
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Discussion: difficult children - Setting Boundaries vs Accomodations
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