Do I have legitimate concerns?

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by snicklefritz, Oct 27, 2008.

  1. snicklefritz

    snicklefritz New Member

    I'm new to this site, and would like a little honest input from people with experience.

    My daughter just turned 4 last week. I've been having issues with her behavior since she was around 2. I have 2 older children, and can honestly say I've never seen a child behave like her. She can be impulsive, aggressive, and extremely short tempered, above and beyond the typical temper tantrum. The actual things she does is "typical bad behavior" for her age, but she takes the reaction up 100 notches from the norm. She gets angry and screams often when someone just looks at her. Up until a few months ago, we didn't even go to stores because if someone would look at her, she would yell and hit ME. 75% of the time, I have to carry her out of preschool kicking and screaming, because she spazzes out, running around and screaming when she see's me come, then she's fine 5 minutes later. 1st reaction would be, she's trying to get attention, but I don't make a big deal of it-I just pick her up and go, and she's done this fo months. If one of her friend's happens to go get her backpack for her, it's a new battle all together, and she yells at the top of her lungs & cries. She gets frustrated quickly and completely loses control, screaming and flailing. She plays with her older siblings just fine, but when her father's home, she has issues. He can't sit by her or do 'anything' for her. If she wants milk, and he gets it instead of me, it gets thrown across the room. If he looks across the table at her during dinner she yells. If he tries to tuck her in, she comes screaming bloody murder across the house to me. But then an hour later "I want daddy". I've gotten the typical "you've spoiled her" blarb, but I've tried the tough love "if daddy doesn't do it, it doesn't get done", but weeks at a time later, it just doesn't work. But she also can be the sweetest, nicest, hugging-on-me girl. I just never know what I'm going to get at any given time. It's like split personalities, with battles on a daily basis. I literally get physically exhausted sometimes dealing with her.

    She has a dr. appointment. next week, where I would like to bring some of these issues up, but I don't want to get blown off with "she just needs a time out". Aside from the behavior issues, she doesn't sleep well--started as night terrors 2 yrs. ago, which are diminishing, but she still wakes 6 out of 7 nights/week--which was blown off by the dr. once before. Also, I feel she may have a speech issue, but I'm not sure. She talks and can get her point across, but unclearly, compared to her classmates.

    Am I over-reacting? Do I have legitimate concerns? What can I do or say so the doctor takes it seriously? I don't want to sound like the crazy mom that thinks her kid has all kinds of problems all of a sudden, but if there are problems, I want to catch them as soon as I can.
  2. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Has she ever had an evaluation? I think one is warranted. She is very young you probably won't get the "real" diagnosis, but I'd be wondering about high functioning autism. Does she have aversions to touch, foods, loud noises, transitions? Does she have any strange behaviors such as arm flapping, making high pitched sounds, clicking her lips, spinning, turning lights on and off, any unusual? Is she cuddly?
    You may want to do a signature like I have done below.
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Welcome, snicklefritz! If your mommy gut is telling you there may be a problem with her, I would say you have legitimate concerns. Since you have two other children, the doctor may listen. Miss KT is my only, and it was a long hard road to get her doctor to pay attention. As MidwestMom said, ask about an evaluation.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    Welcome - I agree, you should request an evaluation. Be stern with the doctor and tell him/her you want tests done to determine why these behaviors are happening.

    Put everything in writing. Cover everything you stated here plus anything else. Make an outline like this. Write your concern in a short sentence and then in the next indent, list examples.

    The following is only an example. If you keep things short, doctors read it easier. (I had a supervisor ask me to report to her in bullet form. She didn't have the time to read paragraph form. I would think it would be the same for many professionals.)

    1. Night Terrors
    a. difficult child has had night terrors for the last 2 years.
    b. She is waking atleast 6 out of 7 nights.
    c. She may be sleep deprived

    2. Transitioning
    a. difficult child freaks out when I pick her up from day care.
    1. It is not the normal, "I don't want to stop playing".
    2. I end up carrying her out kicking and screaming.
    b. When things don't go as she plans, she has a hard time adusting.
    1. For Example, when a friend gets her backpack without her
    asking, she gets upset. She wasn't expecting this kindness.

    3. Seperation anxiety
    a. difficult child throws temper tantrums if husband tries to help me with taking
    care of difficult child. She insist that it must be me.

    4. Degree of temper tantrums
    a. difficult child's tantrums are much more intense than normal.
    b. difficult child seems to not be able to handle people in public who may
    happen to look her way.

    If you put something in writing, you will be sure not to miss anything. I know doctors can be intimidating and not seeming to take us serious. If you have your concerns in writing, he may take it more seriously. It can also be part of her medical chart so the doctor can not say you didn't report something.

    In the meantime, how much transition time is she given? Do the preschool staff prepare her for your arrival? Maybe ask them to let her know 5 minutes before you come that you will be there soon so she should finish with what she is doing. Also, as much as possible, try to let her know what is coming next - "After supper, daddy is going to tuck you into bed, you can give me a goodnight hug before going to bed."

    I don't know if it wil help. I do know it will not solve whatever is going on, just trying to provide ways of coping until it is all figured out.

    I do agree that much of the behavior is typical yet more intense than normal. Something you need to look into.

    I don't think night terrors are normal to have every single night for two years. That might be a clue to what is going on?
  5. snicklefritz

    snicklefritz New Member

    Thanks so much for the example outline. I think that would be perfect. I've slightly brought up some of the issues at past dr. visits, but was pretty much blown off. I think that would dramatically help me to have everything listed with specific examples, so I don't have to sit there and try to remember everything I want to bring up in my "allotted time".

    And for those who asked, no, she's never had an evaluation. Never having dealt with these types of issues in my older children, is there a specific type of evaluation that I should bring up or request?
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome snicklefritz! I LOVE your name.

    I really think you need an evaluation. You should ask the doctor for a referral to a developmental pediatrican or an autism specialist. I really think you are seeing some signs of high-functioning autism. If not, then something else is going on. But you are NOT over-reacting. The behaviors, wehn explained, may seem "typical" but you will have to stress that she takes them up 10 degrees to WAY above normal.

    It can be hard to get a doctor to understand. The outline is excellent. Also, you may have to be persistent. mention the problems at EVERY appointment, and make more appts so he can see that you mention them frequently. It took that to get help for my youngest - they kept telling me that "all" kids had the same problems.

    Follow your instincts with this. If they tell you it is not normal, then it isn't. You have 2 other kids, so you have some idea of what "normal" is. The instincts are there for a reason. So pay attention to them.