The "difficult child" who was acting the way your son is was my former husband. Couldn't keep a job, had an excuse for everything, blamed the universe for his difficulties, didn't pay his child support, had to be thrown out of my house (and his next girlfriend's house as well) because he just wouldn't take any initiative and GO already, had cars towed for non-registration, power shut off because he didn't mail the check I asked him to, basically ignored our daughter who's now 24 (though she has pretty much learned to deal with it, her hubby HATES him), passive/aggressive from the word go, hid mail/bills/my car registration and license renewal...
He's now 56, living in his grandmother's house (that his mother owns), gets an allowance from his mother each month, his mother paid the child support so he wouldn't go to jail, she pays his bills, buys him food...
I can't speak as the parent, but I was terrified that her father's uselessness (which he was very good at hiding; he was/is an excellent liar) would somehow be genetic and I was hard on her when I saw any little bit of that emerge. I can tell you that it's absolutely heartbreaking to be the child of a person like this, and it's extremely frustrating to be the spouse. I wish Grandma had cut him off years ago. Maybe then he would have manned up. Maybe not. I don't know.
From my perspective, as difficult as it is, is to do nothing. Let him figure it out. I honestly think it's too late for my former husband, and I hope his mother made some provisions in her will for him, because I don't want him hassling my daughter about financially taking care of his useless hiney.
