Thank you Tanya. I needed to hear all of this today myself. I printed out your post to re-read many times today.
Lea,
Tanya has shared great understanding and wisdom here. This is a turning point for you. I am still in my own turning point, trying to hold fast day by day.
It is hard to release our hopes and dreams and expectations we had for our children. Coming to realize this loss is hard. I also feel sorry for my son, for the goodness and joy he could be having in his life, for the rewarding success and good self-esteem that would produce good returns for him. But so far it has not happened, so I am day by day trying to reinforce my acceptance of the moment as it is, and letting go of my own dreams for son, and trying to just accept him as he is. I am continuing to detach to allow him to be his own person, to be the person he wants and knows to be (according to who he is at this stage in his journey), and to allow him reap the harvest of his own actions. Perhaps his situation will change as he learns more hard lessons in his life, and perhaps it will never change. That is not my concern now. My task is to detach to allow him to spread his own wings, and for me to take care of myself to stay strong and peaceful.
Preparing our limited responses is good, and helps to keep emotion and involvement out of it. I am working on this. If son hears these types of statements enough, he will sense your growing detachment, and will hopefully gain confidence that you are releasing him to his own potential that he can figure it out and be on his own, however it will be. I honestly think our sons may feel guilty always coming to ask , ask , ask for help, because they innately know they are not being capable themselves. Our detachment actually may be a relief for them to set them free, even though it will be hard for them and for us. This is the turning point.
Keep coming back here Lea. It really helps to keep posting and releasing and gaining the guidance and confidence that you can do it , you can stay strong, and you will be alright. ~ Kalahou
