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Does anyone else have this kind of issue?
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<blockquote data-quote="Lea" data-source="post: 679118" data-attributes="member: 20037"><p>Hi Tanya M,</p><p>Thank you so much. You are a very warm and encouraging person and I thank you for your kind words. I started to cry when I read your statement about this being a turning point in my life. Because, you are exactly right. I've known this day was coming for a long time. My way of dealing with my son has been to throw money at the problem and buy myself some peace for a bit of time. But, I always knew this was going to have to end. Last night I made myself sit down and look back at my check registers for the last few years to see exactly how much peace I've bought myself. It was over $15,000. I haven't gotten a very good return on my investment, as nothing in my son's life has changed and I'm still longing for peace. I like the "tool box" analogy. I will put the detachment article in it. I know about setting boundaries. My counselor discussed this with me. I don't still go. I probably went to about 6 sessions a few years ago. After each session, I would come home and write down everything we talked about so I could refer back to it when I needed too. This has helped me a lot. I think what you said about acceptance is major. I feel I have dealt with the grief of not having my son's life turn out how I had hoped (just happy and normal). And, I thought I had accepted him for the way he is. But clearly, I haven't. That's what I'm working on now. To know that his life is most likely always going to be difficult, and I'm most likely always going to have heart-breaking pain over it. I just need to accept this and keep telling myself that he needs to take complete responsibility for his life, as I do mine. I'm trying to be "happy", but when I find my attention diverted, next thing I know I'm thinking about him and his struggles and crying (but trying not to). I feel like I have gotten so much support already on this forum. I'm so sorry for the struggles you have gone through with your son. It must be agony to not know exactly where he is or what he's doing. You have done for your son all a parent could possibly do, it sounds like. Why is it some people just turn out the way they do? I always felt if I knew exactly what my son's issues were, I could deal with them. But, last night I came to the conclusion, it just doesn't really matter anymore. Because, even if I knew it wouldn't change a darn thing, unless he wanted to work on those issues and clearly he doesn't. I'll keep hope in my heart for my son and your son that some day they'll get it together. But until then, I'm sure glad this site exists. Thanks again for your heartfelt words, I appreciate them.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Lea, post: 679118, member: 20037"] Hi Tanya M, Thank you so much. You are a very warm and encouraging person and I thank you for your kind words. I started to cry when I read your statement about this being a turning point in my life. Because, you are exactly right. I've known this day was coming for a long time. My way of dealing with my son has been to throw money at the problem and buy myself some peace for a bit of time. But, I always knew this was going to have to end. Last night I made myself sit down and look back at my check registers for the last few years to see exactly how much peace I've bought myself. It was over $15,000. I haven't gotten a very good return on my investment, as nothing in my son's life has changed and I'm still longing for peace. I like the "tool box" analogy. I will put the detachment article in it. I know about setting boundaries. My counselor discussed this with me. I don't still go. I probably went to about 6 sessions a few years ago. After each session, I would come home and write down everything we talked about so I could refer back to it when I needed too. This has helped me a lot. I think what you said about acceptance is major. I feel I have dealt with the grief of not having my son's life turn out how I had hoped (just happy and normal). And, I thought I had accepted him for the way he is. But clearly, I haven't. That's what I'm working on now. To know that his life is most likely always going to be difficult, and I'm most likely always going to have heart-breaking pain over it. I just need to accept this and keep telling myself that he needs to take complete responsibility for his life, as I do mine. I'm trying to be "happy", but when I find my attention diverted, next thing I know I'm thinking about him and his struggles and crying (but trying not to). I feel like I have gotten so much support already on this forum. I'm so sorry for the struggles you have gone through with your son. It must be agony to not know exactly where he is or what he's doing. You have done for your son all a parent could possibly do, it sounds like. Why is it some people just turn out the way they do? I always felt if I knew exactly what my son's issues were, I could deal with them. But, last night I came to the conclusion, it just doesn't really matter anymore. Because, even if I knew it wouldn't change a darn thing, unless he wanted to work on those issues and clearly he doesn't. I'll keep hope in my heart for my son and your son that some day they'll get it together. But until then, I'm sure glad this site exists. Thanks again for your heartfelt words, I appreciate them. [/QUOTE]
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