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Substance Abuse
Does dual diagnosis make a difference?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 725869" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think you are doing it right. Paying his way hasn't helped him become the middle age man he is. When my daughter started drugging she was very young and we got very tough. By 19 she was out, no car or money from us. She was able to live in her nit picky,straight arrow brother's basement as long as she never so much as lit up one cigarette, let alone ever come home high. She had to walk to and from work, pay rent, help clean and cook for him and his tenants who rented rooms in his house. She was tired and scared of maybe becoming homeless. She did what he said and quit meth and cocaine. She walked to and from her job at Subway in the cold Chicago winter and it was cold in the basement, but she survived. Cold won't kill our adult kids. Drugs might. We had trouble making our daughter leave emotionally. We did not know that her rather sour brother would give her a place to stay, although he was harder on her than us and she knew if she didn't listen to him he would make her leave without guilt.</p><p></p><p>It is twelve years later. She never went back and has a SO, a gorgeous daughter, a career, and is kind and sweet. I have been on this forum over ten years. The people I read about who quit and do well tend to do so after the parents give up their involvement. I don't mean we stop loving them. That never quits, ever! I mean we stop fixing their problems. To quit drugs takes a lot of motivation. in my opinion we have to make them hate drug life so much that they finally quit. Unlike with any other illness, our worry, fretting and comforting addicts makes them stay sick. Mom will still take care of them. No need to worry. No need to stop.</p><p></p><p>Not all adults respond ike my daughter did when faced with homelessness. But I haven't read one story where our adult turned it around while Mom kissed it and made it better. Not with drugs and crime. The ones who made it were on their own. We have to see them as men, not cute little boys. Society sees them as adults, often scary ones.</p><p></p><p>I hope you join Al Anon. It helped us so much. So did private therapy. We need to learn new ways to treat our difficult adults. Nothing changes if we don't change it up. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to magically have different endings. We can't control them or make them better. But we can fix ourselves and live well even when our adult children struggle. Others need us. We need us.</p><p></p><p>Love and hugs. Hope this time you can stand strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 725869, member: 1550"] I think you are doing it right. Paying his way hasn't helped him become the middle age man he is. When my daughter started drugging she was very young and we got very tough. By 19 she was out, no car or money from us. She was able to live in her nit picky,straight arrow brother's basement as long as she never so much as lit up one cigarette, let alone ever come home high. She had to walk to and from work, pay rent, help clean and cook for him and his tenants who rented rooms in his house. She was tired and scared of maybe becoming homeless. She did what he said and quit meth and cocaine. She walked to and from her job at Subway in the cold Chicago winter and it was cold in the basement, but she survived. Cold won't kill our adult kids. Drugs might. We had trouble making our daughter leave emotionally. We did not know that her rather sour brother would give her a place to stay, although he was harder on her than us and she knew if she didn't listen to him he would make her leave without guilt. It is twelve years later. She never went back and has a SO, a gorgeous daughter, a career, and is kind and sweet. I have been on this forum over ten years. The people I read about who quit and do well tend to do so after the parents give up their involvement. I don't mean we stop loving them. That never quits, ever! I mean we stop fixing their problems. To quit drugs takes a lot of motivation. in my opinion we have to make them hate drug life so much that they finally quit. Unlike with any other illness, our worry, fretting and comforting addicts makes them stay sick. Mom will still take care of them. No need to worry. No need to stop. Not all adults respond ike my daughter did when faced with homelessness. But I haven't read one story where our adult turned it around while Mom kissed it and made it better. Not with drugs and crime. The ones who made it were on their own. We have to see them as men, not cute little boys. Society sees them as adults, often scary ones. I hope you join Al Anon. It helped us so much. So did private therapy. We need to learn new ways to treat our difficult adults. Nothing changes if we don't change it up. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting things to magically have different endings. We can't control them or make them better. But we can fix ourselves and live well even when our adult children struggle. Others need us. We need us. Love and hugs. Hope this time you can stand strong. [/QUOTE]
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Does dual diagnosis make a difference?
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