Does it ever end?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by rejectedmom, Feb 4, 2009.

  1. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    difficult child 1 is 33 diagnosed BiPolar (BP) but didn't like the diagnosis so went elsewhere and was diagnosis narcissistic. (I think she is both). She is married has a beautiful home and she has a baby born in Nov.

    Four months after she got pregnant her sister in law got pregnant also. For difficult child's entire pregnancy we had to listen to all her woes about how sister in law got pregnant to compete and take the focus off of her. First we tried to reason with her to no avail then we tried to jus change the subject to no avail so then we just basicly let her rant without making much comment beyond UHuh so as not to upset her. When her mother in law gave her a shower she wasn't going to go because sister in law (yes mother in law's daughter) was going to be there and she might take the focus off of difficult child 1. Then when easy child 1 and I gave difficult child 1 a shower she didn't want us to invite mother in law & sister in law for the same reason even though they had invited us to theirs.

    Besides the sister in law is competing garbage difficult child 1 had every kind of concievable pregnancy problem. (most of them in her head although at the end she did have problems and was induced early). I got calls almost daily about is this normal is that normal what should I do.... Now her baby is here and he is perfect and beautiful and such a good baby. You'd think that would be enough to get her into a different mode but no.

    Her sister in law's baby shower was this past weekend and we all went. She had been asked to send her husband and the baby to his grandmother's house where a party had been set up for the men. The plan was that they would stay there until 2 hours before the shower was over so the sister in law could have the spotlight on her for a while. Then they would come up to the mother in law's house (just around the block) to introduce my grandson to mother in law's friends and family who were attending the shower. But my difficult child and her husband disrespected the mother in law's wishes and brought the baby into the shower and of course everyone was oooohing and ahhing over him. The sister in law for whom the shower was given took it well, not saying a thing, just going on with the party activities as planned.

    So Sunday my difficult child 1 calles me and says that the sister in law made a face at her when she tried to get past her to retrieve the diaper bag (not that I could see). She went on as to what a B____ the sister in law is. (This woman embroidered an entire quilt for the baby in difficult child 1's nursery theme). She went on about how awful they were to try to exclude her baby from a party where other children were present (non of these other kids would take the focus off the guest of honor) it was cruel and it isn't fair and why should her baby have to suffer bla bla bla.

    I was on my way out the door when difficult child 1 called and even had my coat on. I just said "I am really not comfortable talking about this. I think you and your husband have to figure out the family dynamics and find a way to live with them. I have to go your father is wating for me". She hung up on me only to call back immediately (before I could put the reciever back in the cradle and start ranting on how I wasn't there for her during her pre-pregnancy infertility problems. (She never told us she was trying which she readily admits), that we all droped her like a hot potatoe when the baby was born (I rubbed her legs for over two hours, catered to her, got ice chips etc but stopped when she asked me to take some pictures),

    I didn't engage even though I was pretty angry with her tirade. She then changed gears and asked me if and when I would make new curtains for her nursery (I made the first set to her spefications but she changed her mind and now wants something different). I told her I would get over and measure sometime this week.

    Well today I called my easy child 1 who told me that when she saw difficult child 1 yesterday she started ranting over me again. Needless to say I am not hurrying over there. I am so sick of difficult children and their garbage mememe thinking. I am ready to just tell her to leave me out of her life. It is easier than constantly wondering if I should pick up the phone when she calls. UG!

    Thanks I needed to get that out. Now I'm gonna go meet husband for dinner at one of our favorite resturants and try to recapture my inner peace and joy -RM
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2009
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lord have mercy!I wish I got half of that attention when I had a baby. My mom was like that though. Until my mom got so far into her alzheimers I heard about how my aunt got pregnant to take the spotlight off her. This happened 47 years My mom was convinced that my uncles wife got pregnant on purpose so my grandmother would love her more....ugh. Of course, this was told to me so that somehow it was my fault and that I was less loveable. Those women were all sick.

    Im so sorry that your difficult child is dragging you into all this. Have a nice dinner, maybe have a glass of your favorite beverage....and relax. Have one for
  3. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thanks Janet. I'll think of you at dinner. -RM
  4. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    Sadly, RM, with a narcissist, I think no.

    Therapists talk about how hard it is to treat Borderline (BPD) patients, but narcissist's - well, there's nothing wrong with them. Just ask them.

    I'm sorry she treats you so poorly. You are such a good mother and you don't deserve it.

    Enjoy your dinner.

  5. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Thanks Heather, She had been doing fairly well when she was seeing her therapist but sadly stopped therapy just before she began trying to get pregnant around two years ago. She told me once that the therapist didn't think she and her husband were ready to become parents. I think that might have had something to do with her stopping treatment. She felt that since she was thirty at the time and married 4 years it was time to start a family before she couldn't. I do understand her thinking on that but sadly she needs a therapist. Unfortunately she ended her sessions with the therapist in a big blow up so now she has no one to see. I doubt she would go anyway cause like you say there is nothing wrong with her. -RM
  6. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Sorry- I didn't read all this- I can't quit laughing over the part about "not liking" the BiPolar (BP) diagnosis, so going and getting a narcissistic diagnosis. I am truly LMAO over that one. Can you imagine the psychiatrist/therapist saying "oh- you don't LIKE the idea of BiPolar (BP)--well, then you MUST be narcissistic".


    Well, I have to get cheap thrills somehow....
  7. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    LOL! The BiPolar (BP) diagnosis was done by a very well known psychiatrist with credentials out the ying yang. difficult child 1 didn't like taking medications, didn't even give them a real chance. She then read up on BiPolar (BP) and went to a MSW with her newfound knowledge as to why she couldn't be BiPolar (BP). difficult child is very smart and can be very convincing. So the therapist did her own battery of tests and gave her the depressive mood disorder with narcissistic tendencies diagnosis. difficult child 1 liked that better because somehow she felt it was less damning a diagnosis and easier to pin on my parenting.
    Not sure how she came to that conclusion but she did. She actually told me it was because I was too good to her and indulged her too much. I'm not a difficult child so I don't quite get the thinking process but it is what it is.
  8. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    You should be ashamed of yourself, RM. What a terrible mother you were! ;)


  9. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Suz, I know, I'm the worst... Maya culpa, Maya Culpa, Maya maximus Culpa... -RM
  10. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Well, if my son comes to live with you, can you be "too good" to him so he can change his diagnosis??

    And there is something interesting to say she has depression and narcisicsm (sp), if you think about it.
  11. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I guess I'm dense tonight KLMNO, can you explain? The two don't normally go together? Or do youmean that they are sort of the opposits and therefore could be BiPolar (BP)? -RM

    PS. I'm sorry I cannot take your son, I'm recently cured of raising children. ;) -RM
  12. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Depression obviously being the down side, but when my son is manic, he knows everything, can do anything, nothing can stop him, HE. IS THE BEST. and only thinnks about what he wants (has a mood for)- I don't know - maybe some could see that as narcissistic??
  13. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Yeah, I thought maybe that was what you ment. I had often thought that maybe the therapist jsut changed the diagnosis so GFG1would agree and get some therapy. difficult child had gotten violent with her then fiancee who left her and she adamantly refused to see her psychiatrist. I was very worried about her and got her to agree to some counseling. So I brought her to the local counseling service. Maybe the therapist thought something was better than nothing and did what she had to to keep difficult child 1 in therapy. It was a Christian counsling servicethat my son's ADHD doctor had affiliations with. -RM
  14. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I don't want to say much about that- I don't have a very good attitude toward therapist anymore. I had a great one when I was in my early 20's- she really helped me. I can't say much good about the ones I've ran across with re. difficult child. or even the ones I've seen individually since difficult child has been born. Yes, they give some pointers occassionally, but no better advice than I could get here and I swear, they seem to have a cookie-cutter answer for each parent no matter what. I can honeslty see where a difficult child would give up on it really being helpful and just start manipulating it all.

    Although, i truly hate to say that- and I would never say it to difficult child.
  15. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I know what you mean. I got more help here than anywhere else also. I suffered from PTSD after the assault on me. The therapist told me that it was not my fault That my family was wrong in not letting me speak of it and then she started in on what I had to do for difficult child 2 without even listening to what I was comfortable with. I think I would have totally lost myself and become a recluse if not for this board. But that is another story. -RM
  16. mom_to_3

    mom_to_3 Active Member

    Knowing my adult difficult child. A big resounding NO. It. never. ends! :919Mad: Detach the best you can. I've been slipping again and need to get back on target.
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Mom_to_3, Take my hand and we'll go back there together. -RM