Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Does this ever end, he is now 33 and relapsing
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="syykkogrl" data-source="post: 495946" data-attributes="member: 13555"><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">Dear Tiredof33~</span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff"></span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">I just want to take the opportunity to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this with your son, I know it can be extremely difficult to deal with a drug addict in the family. Especially when it is your own child. But, I also want to applaud you and commend you on taking the steps that you have taken to ensure that you are not enabling his addiction further by sending him money or financial assistance. You deserve a BIG pat on the back for standing up for yourself AND for your husband, and even though he doesn't realize it now, you are ALSO standing up for your SON; in the BIGGEST way possible! So many parents, especially Mothers, fall into that co-dependent behavior of enabling their child, the addict, by allowing them to remain living at home rent-free, or sending them money regularly. This does NOT HELP the CHILD at all!! Part of raising a child is preparing them for adulthood and teaching them consequences to their actions, and responsibility for themselves. By letting your 25 or 30-something year old child live with YOU, rent-free, and not insisting that they even so much as HAVE a job, you are doing a SAD INJUSTICE to both yourself, and to your child, who will, one day, be without you or your financial ability. I absolutely HATE to see a grown man/woman living in his mother's home, with NO job, paying no bills, and still asking his "Mommy" for a few dollars for this or that every day. It is utterly RIDICULOUS!</span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">It often disappoints me to see mothers who can make excuses for these lazy, ungrateful children, and waste their OWN money bailing the overgrown "spoiled brat" out of whatever trouble he (or she) gets in to. All it does FOR these "kids" is further reiterate to them that they, in fact, do NOT have to go out and earn a living like everyone else, because "Mommy" will always find a way to take care of them and they learn that they are "Special" when they get into legal trouble, because "Mommy's" lawyer will make it all just disappear like magic. What these kids do NOT learn is appreciation of a dollar, nor do they learn that lawyers are NOT cheap and that water costs money and electricity costs money and that SOMEBODY has to PAY for all of it!! I get SO frustrated at parents who let their children get away with that mentality up into their adult years! More Mothers need to have the courage and strength that YOU do and follow your lead with these kids who are on drugs, or just lazy and spoiled and refuse to get out and WORK to contribute to the household. If more parents did what you did, a LOT less adults these days would be living with their parents and living OFF their parents as well. </span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">I cannot say to you enough how PROUD I am of you, that you did the ABSOLUTE RIGHT THING, that you should IN NO WAY feel guilty at ANY time for your son's state of being. Since you have tried to assist him, only to be slapped in the face by finding out he LIED about everything, and knowing that he hacked into your personal accounts and then GAVE your information to his Girlfriend....You have done ALL you can possibly DO, and you and your husband DO DESERVE to come first at this point in your lives!! That is what "retirement" is all about!! You can't force your son to do the right things, all you can do is show him the way. In the end, he has to decide to WANT to help himself. So many parents fail to realize that ONE SIMPLE fact...and unfortunately, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do for a person until they reach that point. </span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">My heart went out to you when I read your post, because my ex-husband is so much like your son and his mother is in constant denial and allows him to live off of her, despite the financial turmoil it has put her and her husband in. He was abusive to me and my son...and even to his mother regularly, yet she always made excuses for him, always gave him the money he needed to pay his rent or whatever bills he couldn't pay, even buy his cigarettes. Now that we are not together, she has went into debt more than $20,000.00 for lawyer fees to defend him in court against the protective order I had to file, and the violations of that order, and to fight for custody of our 8 year old son, and to keep my son away from me despite the Court Order for JOINT CUSTODY. He has NEVER worked a job, never been in a position where he couldn't call her to his rescue, and doesn't have any understanding of taking responsibility for his own actions. He, too, is a drug addict. Along with his sister, who is 10yrs older than him (She is 43 yrs old now). Just like him, she has never worked and has relied on her mother for financial aid whenever she needs it, including lying to her for money to purchase drugs. </span></em></strong></span></span></p><p> <span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">I pity either one of them when 1 of their parents pass away because neither of them has any clear sense of taking care of themselves, or of consequences to their actions. They were BOTH raised to rely on their mother for anything and everything they couldn't do for themselves. Sadly, his sister's 24yr old son, was raised by their mother as well, and has learned the SAME lesson as his mother and uncle. He doesn't work, has 4 children by 4 different girls, does not pay any child support, and relies on his current girlfriend to work to make money for them and their new baby. He believes he is entitled to have a place to live with a family member because he has never NOT had someone to take him in when he is homeless, which, needless to say, is pretty much all the time. And he is not forced to work or pay any kind of rent to the family members he lives with, nor does he respect their homes or their privacy. He will steal valuable items from the very person letting him stay with them and sell them at pawn shops for pennies on the dollar of what they are worth. He helps himself and whatever girl he is with that month to anything and everything in the kitchen, often eating more groceries in a couple days than the household would normally go through in a couple weeks, and will complain and gripe when there is "nothing to eat". Never does it occur to him that maybe he should go purchase food if he wants to eat!! Nor does he even appreciate the fact that he is being supplied with room and board for FREE! In fact, when whoever he is sponging off of gets tired of it, or can no longer afford to have him in the household any longer and TRIES to throw him out, he insists on a 30 day written notice because he learned from a police officer during one of these arguments with his Grandmother (my ex's MOTHER) that legally, he had to receive a written 30 day notice to be forced out of his residence. He even took that to the EXTREME a few years ago when he threatened to assault his Granny then when she asked him to leave he told her he didn't have to without a notice. She refused to stay in the home with him and SHE ended up leaving her OWN home for 64 days until he finally moved out, with his mother, back to the trailer SHE had bought for her daughter and had been renting out in an attempt to catch up the 3 years of unpaid lot rent. Despite this incident, this woman has STILL let both of them move back in with her multiple times since then, even though it came out that her daughter was STILL addicted to drugs (and had been for most of her life) and that her grandson, also, had developed a drug addiction. If she had taken the steps you are taking now, she would not have 2 children and 1 grandchild STILL walking all over her, and bleeding her dry financially. And MAYBE, one of them would have SOME sense of responsibility instead of this sense of ENTITLEMENT that they ALL 3 seem to have!</span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">You are VERY lucky your son does not have children, because that is NO WAY for a child to grow up! Good for you for doing what the RIGHT thing for your son was, NOT the EASY thing. </span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff">Good Luck in the future! I wish you ALL the best and I hope that, maybe, any time you doubt your decision, that you think of what I have said and remember, you are doing the RIGHT thing!!! Not just for yourself and your own protection, but the RIGHT thing for HIM. He will NEVER learn to accept responsibility for himself or his actions if you are always there to bail him out of the ditch he dug himself into!! Stay Strong!! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></span></em></strong></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'comic sans ms'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><strong><em><span style="color: #9933ff"></span></em></strong></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="syykkogrl, post: 495946, member: 13555"] [FONT=comic sans ms][SIZE=3][B][I][COLOR=#9933ff]Dear Tiredof33~ I just want to take the opportunity to tell you how sorry I am that you are going through this with your son, I know it can be extremely difficult to deal with a drug addict in the family. Especially when it is your own child. But, I also want to applaud you and commend you on taking the steps that you have taken to ensure that you are not enabling his addiction further by sending him money or financial assistance. You deserve a BIG pat on the back for standing up for yourself AND for your husband, and even though he doesn't realize it now, you are ALSO standing up for your SON; in the BIGGEST way possible! So many parents, especially Mothers, fall into that co-dependent behavior of enabling their child, the addict, by allowing them to remain living at home rent-free, or sending them money regularly. This does NOT HELP the CHILD at all!! Part of raising a child is preparing them for adulthood and teaching them consequences to their actions, and responsibility for themselves. By letting your 25 or 30-something year old child live with YOU, rent-free, and not insisting that they even so much as HAVE a job, you are doing a SAD INJUSTICE to both yourself, and to your child, who will, one day, be without you or your financial ability. I absolutely HATE to see a grown man/woman living in his mother's home, with NO job, paying no bills, and still asking his "Mommy" for a few dollars for this or that every day. It is utterly RIDICULOUS! It often disappoints me to see mothers who can make excuses for these lazy, ungrateful children, and waste their OWN money bailing the overgrown "spoiled brat" out of whatever trouble he (or she) gets in to. All it does FOR these "kids" is further reiterate to them that they, in fact, do NOT have to go out and earn a living like everyone else, because "Mommy" will always find a way to take care of them and they learn that they are "Special" when they get into legal trouble, because "Mommy's" lawyer will make it all just disappear like magic. What these kids do NOT learn is appreciation of a dollar, nor do they learn that lawyers are NOT cheap and that water costs money and electricity costs money and that SOMEBODY has to PAY for all of it!! I get SO frustrated at parents who let their children get away with that mentality up into their adult years! More Mothers need to have the courage and strength that YOU do and follow your lead with these kids who are on drugs, or just lazy and spoiled and refuse to get out and WORK to contribute to the household. If more parents did what you did, a LOT less adults these days would be living with their parents and living OFF their parents as well. I cannot say to you enough how PROUD I am of you, that you did the ABSOLUTE RIGHT THING, that you should IN NO WAY feel guilty at ANY time for your son's state of being. Since you have tried to assist him, only to be slapped in the face by finding out he LIED about everything, and knowing that he hacked into your personal accounts and then GAVE your information to his Girlfriend....You have done ALL you can possibly DO, and you and your husband DO DESERVE to come first at this point in your lives!! That is what "retirement" is all about!! You can't force your son to do the right things, all you can do is show him the way. In the end, he has to decide to WANT to help himself. So many parents fail to realize that ONE SIMPLE fact...and unfortunately, there is absolutely NOTHING you can do for a person until they reach that point. My heart went out to you when I read your post, because my ex-husband is so much like your son and his mother is in constant denial and allows him to live off of her, despite the financial turmoil it has put her and her husband in. He was abusive to me and my son...and even to his mother regularly, yet she always made excuses for him, always gave him the money he needed to pay his rent or whatever bills he couldn't pay, even buy his cigarettes. Now that we are not together, she has went into debt more than $20,000.00 for lawyer fees to defend him in court against the protective order I had to file, and the violations of that order, and to fight for custody of our 8 year old son, and to keep my son away from me despite the Court Order for JOINT CUSTODY. He has NEVER worked a job, never been in a position where he couldn't call her to his rescue, and doesn't have any understanding of taking responsibility for his own actions. He, too, is a drug addict. Along with his sister, who is 10yrs older than him (She is 43 yrs old now). Just like him, she has never worked and has relied on her mother for financial aid whenever she needs it, including lying to her for money to purchase drugs. I pity either one of them when 1 of their parents pass away because neither of them has any clear sense of taking care of themselves, or of consequences to their actions. They were BOTH raised to rely on their mother for anything and everything they couldn't do for themselves. Sadly, his sister's 24yr old son, was raised by their mother as well, and has learned the SAME lesson as his mother and uncle. He doesn't work, has 4 children by 4 different girls, does not pay any child support, and relies on his current girlfriend to work to make money for them and their new baby. He believes he is entitled to have a place to live with a family member because he has never NOT had someone to take him in when he is homeless, which, needless to say, is pretty much all the time. And he is not forced to work or pay any kind of rent to the family members he lives with, nor does he respect their homes or their privacy. He will steal valuable items from the very person letting him stay with them and sell them at pawn shops for pennies on the dollar of what they are worth. He helps himself and whatever girl he is with that month to anything and everything in the kitchen, often eating more groceries in a couple days than the household would normally go through in a couple weeks, and will complain and gripe when there is "nothing to eat". Never does it occur to him that maybe he should go purchase food if he wants to eat!! Nor does he even appreciate the fact that he is being supplied with room and board for FREE! In fact, when whoever he is sponging off of gets tired of it, or can no longer afford to have him in the household any longer and TRIES to throw him out, he insists on a 30 day written notice because he learned from a police officer during one of these arguments with his Grandmother (my ex's MOTHER) that legally, he had to receive a written 30 day notice to be forced out of his residence. He even took that to the EXTREME a few years ago when he threatened to assault his Granny then when she asked him to leave he told her he didn't have to without a notice. She refused to stay in the home with him and SHE ended up leaving her OWN home for 64 days until he finally moved out, with his mother, back to the trailer SHE had bought for her daughter and had been renting out in an attempt to catch up the 3 years of unpaid lot rent. Despite this incident, this woman has STILL let both of them move back in with her multiple times since then, even though it came out that her daughter was STILL addicted to drugs (and had been for most of her life) and that her grandson, also, had developed a drug addiction. If she had taken the steps you are taking now, she would not have 2 children and 1 grandchild STILL walking all over her, and bleeding her dry financially. And MAYBE, one of them would have SOME sense of responsibility instead of this sense of ENTITLEMENT that they ALL 3 seem to have! You are VERY lucky your son does not have children, because that is NO WAY for a child to grow up! Good for you for doing what the RIGHT thing for your son was, NOT the EASY thing. Good Luck in the future! I wish you ALL the best and I hope that, maybe, any time you doubt your decision, that you think of what I have said and remember, you are doing the RIGHT thing!!! Not just for yourself and your own protection, but the RIGHT thing for HIM. He will NEVER learn to accept responsibility for himself or his actions if you are always there to bail him out of the ditch he dug himself into!! Stay Strong!! :) [/COLOR][/I][/B][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Does this ever end, he is now 33 and relapsing
Top