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Substance Abuse
Does this ever end, he is now 33 and relapsing
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 496432" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>OH, Tired, I am so sorry to hear of the abuse you have endured! You are exactly on the right track to keep sonny boy cut off from your money.</p><p></p><p>I am WORRIED about your finances. If she has bank numbers she can do more than watch them. Passwords can be purchased. There are people who will take money to figure them out for son and his girlfriend. They also could get credit accounts in your name that you dont' know about.</p><p></p><p>The other are right, there could be a keylogger on your computer, or some other spyware. You might NEVER find it - they can be deeply buried in the code of the programs. You need to contact the police for information on how to protect yourself from identity theft. I would look to the FBI for help. Smaller city/county police depts may or may not have up to date info that will help. Here is a link to the FBI website identity theft info page: <a href="http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/cyber/identity_theft" target="_blank">FBI &#8212; Identity Theft</a> I haven't read the page but it will be a starting place.</p><p></p><p>The problem isn't so much that they could take the $$ you have, it is that they could establish ID (driver's license, etc...) in your name and then take out loans, start businesses, even get college and small business loans in YOUR NAME that YOU could end up owing. This isn't stuff that just happens on tv. It is actually far easier to do than you would think. </p><p></p><p>You NEED an expert to go over ALL your computers, emails, facebook/twitter/myspace/messageboards to see if your identity has been stolen. You also need to get copies of all 3 credit reports for you, your husband, your daughter, and any other family member you can think of. If you have a long time best friend, have her and her family check their credit reports. Not just for the score, to see what accounts are open in your name. One way they start is to get utilities and/or rent in your name. So check with your utility companies to see if there are any other accounts for your address. It is easy to say that you are in apartment B or 2 or whatever to start an account when really it is a single family home or there isn't an apartment with that number. It may not be free to get all this info, but it will cost less than whatever will happen if they have stolen your identity and then wrecked your credit and had your assets used as collateral for a loan with-o you knowing. It does happen. My childhood bff and her husband went to buy a house and learned his dad had used his social security number to establish an entire identity. </p><p></p><p>I know we sound alarmist and you don't really see any evidence that they have done this yet. PLEASE check Occupational Therapist (OT) make sure they have not stolen your identity. It is SO EASY to take someone's identity. </p><p></p><p>Change your phone number. Get a cheap, $10 net10 or tracfone at walmart and put $10 worth of minutes on it. Give your son this #, tell him you had to have the other one cancelled because crank phone calls all night. Don't give him the new # and tell your daughter not to give it to him either. Have her check all the same things (credit report, etc...) that you are doing, and have her get a cheap phone and give him that number and change her home and cell numbers. Yes, it is a pain, but not nearly as bad as establishing new credit after he has stolen every penny that you ever earned or could pay back to a lender. </p><p></p><p>He doesn't think you will be able to stop him from stealing your identity. He doesn't think you will turn him in. If he has credit in your name, turning him in to the authorities will be the only way to get out of the debt with-o paying it back yourself. </p><p></p><p>You have given your son more than enough. You don't owe him your identity too. Take steps to protct yourself and your daughter. If computer experts find a keylogger or other spyware/malware/identity theft software on your computer, please let law enforcement handle it. Don't just delete it until you speak wth law enforcement and decide if you want to press charges or not. Don't just delete it because you might end up needing proof it was there to prove he stole your identity and to get out from under any debts he might have accrued in your name. </p><p></p><p>Also be sure to ask if there is a way to check to see if he has tried to buy or sell real estate in your name. There are all sorts of real estate scams, and identity theft happens with those too.</p><p></p><p>As for the other issues, you are an AWESOME mom. Yes, you raised two kids who got itno trouble with drugs. You gave them all the help possible, including your help emotionally at therapy, meetings, etc.... Your daughter is a testament to what a great mom you are and your son? Well, he is another testament - to the enduring love that a mom has for her kids. By NOT continuing to send him $$ and by NOT tolerating his abuse or his girlfriends, you are STILL being an awesome mom to him!!! in my opinion if you end up having to turn him over to law enforcement, it will show that you are a great mom. NOT because he got itno trouble, but because you made him face the music. It is EASY to let them get away with hit and to pay for their wrongdoing. It is the HARD thing, the GOOD thing, to make them face the consequences - it gives them a chance to learn and grow. That it is HARD to do and you get abuse from the adult child just means you are a very strong, loving mom - a strong loving mom teaches her children the right way to live life. How to live a life that honors themselves, their family, their community and their Higher Power. It is a messy, painful, thankless task, and the strongest moms are those that don't tolerate this type of behavior but allow their child to have the full learning experience that their choices brings down on them. A strong, good, loving mom doesn't keep them from the consequences of their actions, but instead loves them through the consequences and urges the consequences to come whne appropriate. in my opinion anyway.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 496432, member: 1233"] OH, Tired, I am so sorry to hear of the abuse you have endured! You are exactly on the right track to keep sonny boy cut off from your money. I am WORRIED about your finances. If she has bank numbers she can do more than watch them. Passwords can be purchased. There are people who will take money to figure them out for son and his girlfriend. They also could get credit accounts in your name that you dont' know about. The other are right, there could be a keylogger on your computer, or some other spyware. You might NEVER find it - they can be deeply buried in the code of the programs. You need to contact the police for information on how to protect yourself from identity theft. I would look to the FBI for help. Smaller city/county police depts may or may not have up to date info that will help. Here is a link to the FBI website identity theft info page: [url=http://www.fbi.gov/about-us/investigate/cyber/identity_theft]FBI — Identity Theft[/url] I haven't read the page but it will be a starting place. The problem isn't so much that they could take the $$ you have, it is that they could establish ID (driver's license, etc...) in your name and then take out loans, start businesses, even get college and small business loans in YOUR NAME that YOU could end up owing. This isn't stuff that just happens on tv. It is actually far easier to do than you would think. You NEED an expert to go over ALL your computers, emails, facebook/twitter/myspace/messageboards to see if your identity has been stolen. You also need to get copies of all 3 credit reports for you, your husband, your daughter, and any other family member you can think of. If you have a long time best friend, have her and her family check their credit reports. Not just for the score, to see what accounts are open in your name. One way they start is to get utilities and/or rent in your name. So check with your utility companies to see if there are any other accounts for your address. It is easy to say that you are in apartment B or 2 or whatever to start an account when really it is a single family home or there isn't an apartment with that number. It may not be free to get all this info, but it will cost less than whatever will happen if they have stolen your identity and then wrecked your credit and had your assets used as collateral for a loan with-o you knowing. It does happen. My childhood bff and her husband went to buy a house and learned his dad had used his social security number to establish an entire identity. I know we sound alarmist and you don't really see any evidence that they have done this yet. PLEASE check Occupational Therapist (OT) make sure they have not stolen your identity. It is SO EASY to take someone's identity. Change your phone number. Get a cheap, $10 net10 or tracfone at walmart and put $10 worth of minutes on it. Give your son this #, tell him you had to have the other one cancelled because crank phone calls all night. Don't give him the new # and tell your daughter not to give it to him either. Have her check all the same things (credit report, etc...) that you are doing, and have her get a cheap phone and give him that number and change her home and cell numbers. Yes, it is a pain, but not nearly as bad as establishing new credit after he has stolen every penny that you ever earned or could pay back to a lender. He doesn't think you will be able to stop him from stealing your identity. He doesn't think you will turn him in. If he has credit in your name, turning him in to the authorities will be the only way to get out of the debt with-o paying it back yourself. You have given your son more than enough. You don't owe him your identity too. Take steps to protct yourself and your daughter. If computer experts find a keylogger or other spyware/malware/identity theft software on your computer, please let law enforcement handle it. Don't just delete it until you speak wth law enforcement and decide if you want to press charges or not. Don't just delete it because you might end up needing proof it was there to prove he stole your identity and to get out from under any debts he might have accrued in your name. Also be sure to ask if there is a way to check to see if he has tried to buy or sell real estate in your name. There are all sorts of real estate scams, and identity theft happens with those too. As for the other issues, you are an AWESOME mom. Yes, you raised two kids who got itno trouble with drugs. You gave them all the help possible, including your help emotionally at therapy, meetings, etc.... Your daughter is a testament to what a great mom you are and your son? Well, he is another testament - to the enduring love that a mom has for her kids. By NOT continuing to send him $$ and by NOT tolerating his abuse or his girlfriends, you are STILL being an awesome mom to him!!! in my opinion if you end up having to turn him over to law enforcement, it will show that you are a great mom. NOT because he got itno trouble, but because you made him face the music. It is EASY to let them get away with hit and to pay for their wrongdoing. It is the HARD thing, the GOOD thing, to make them face the consequences - it gives them a chance to learn and grow. That it is HARD to do and you get abuse from the adult child just means you are a very strong, loving mom - a strong loving mom teaches her children the right way to live life. How to live a life that honors themselves, their family, their community and their Higher Power. It is a messy, painful, thankless task, and the strongest moms are those that don't tolerate this type of behavior but allow their child to have the full learning experience that their choices brings down on them. A strong, good, loving mom doesn't keep them from the consequences of their actions, but instead loves them through the consequences and urges the consequences to come whne appropriate. in my opinion anyway. [/QUOTE]
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Does this ever end, he is now 33 and relapsing
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