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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 137259" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I'm not surprised that she went off to this woman's house and stayed. And unfortunately, by telling her to stay there you have taken the responsibility for whatever happens as your own - in her mind. I'm a firm believer in everyone having the opportunity to change their mind in the light of day, so long as you're willing to say "I have thought about it and have changed my mind because..." So, if in hindsight you think that she wants something different, and that you can offer that to her without allowing her to continue to ride roughshod over you, then maybe it's something to talk about. But I wouldn't unless she comes to you for help.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Would you feel better or worse or the same if this co-worker were a 30 something year old man? If difficult child generally likes men, she's probably not going to like it if this woman puts the moves on her. (I know that there was someone here a while back whose daughter was showing tendencies towards women, but I can't remember if that was you.) If she likes women, then isn't this going to happen with a woman eventually anyway? I don't mean to sound uncaring or flippant. I'm just not clear on whether you are upset because she's gone, or if it's because she's gone with a woman; and if it's because it's a woman whether it's because she'll find herself in a position she doesn't understand, or one that you aren't comfortable with.</p><p></p><p>Whatever it is that bothers you most, I hope that you will be able to stop kicking yourself over it. Your difficult child has been a pain in the tookas, you gave her an option out, and she chose to run away. You have to let her figure this one out on her own. Do your best to enjoy the peace and quiet while you can. She'll be back.</p><p></p><p>(PS - My take on this is that the woman is a "rescuer", and thinks your difficult child needs to be rescued from her overbearing uncaring mother. She'll learn the hard way.)</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 137259, member: 99"] I'm not surprised that she went off to this woman's house and stayed. And unfortunately, by telling her to stay there you have taken the responsibility for whatever happens as your own - in her mind. I'm a firm believer in everyone having the opportunity to change their mind in the light of day, so long as you're willing to say "I have thought about it and have changed my mind because..." So, if in hindsight you think that she wants something different, and that you can offer that to her without allowing her to continue to ride roughshod over you, then maybe it's something to talk about. But I wouldn't unless she comes to you for help. Would you feel better or worse or the same if this co-worker were a 30 something year old man? If difficult child generally likes men, she's probably not going to like it if this woman puts the moves on her. (I know that there was someone here a while back whose daughter was showing tendencies towards women, but I can't remember if that was you.) If she likes women, then isn't this going to happen with a woman eventually anyway? I don't mean to sound uncaring or flippant. I'm just not clear on whether you are upset because she's gone, or if it's because she's gone with a woman; and if it's because it's a woman whether it's because she'll find herself in a position she doesn't understand, or one that you aren't comfortable with. Whatever it is that bothers you most, I hope that you will be able to stop kicking yourself over it. Your difficult child has been a pain in the tookas, you gave her an option out, and she chose to run away. You have to let her figure this one out on her own. Do your best to enjoy the peace and quiet while you can. She'll be back. (PS - My take on this is that the woman is a "rescuer", and thinks your difficult child needs to be rescued from her overbearing uncaring mother. She'll learn the hard way.) [/QUOTE]
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