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Substance Abuse
Does your child blame you for everything?
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 706107" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not think he wants to communicate with you. He has no incentive to do so. His willingness to communicate may not arrive until late twenties.</p><p></p><p>His psychological task right now is to separate, not to join. </p><p></p><p>If you can try to think of this as functional--in the service of separating psychologically. Although as the others say, he needs to be held responsible for his behavior that is overtly disrespectful.</p><p></p><p>But debate with him when he is talking nonsense? Why? It is ridiculous what he says. This is what a psychiatrist would repeat to me when my son was the age of your own. I was wounded by my son. It was almost impossible for me to absorb at that point, but I think he was right.</p><p></p><p>Your son does not in his heart believe what he says, although it may seem so. It is garbage.</p><p></p><p>You seem to take seriously what he is doing and saying, as if he has the ability and the incentive not just to understand what he is doing, but to evaluate your fitness as a parent and the adequacy of your parenting. His conduct has nothing to do with what you did or did not do. First, you have to accept this. You cannot look to him for reassurance. He is incapable now of this. Down the road, maybe.</p><p></p><p>Right now your job is to set boundaries as you are doing. Not more.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 706107, member: 18958"] I do not think he wants to communicate with you. He has no incentive to do so. His willingness to communicate may not arrive until late twenties. His psychological task right now is to separate, not to join. If you can try to think of this as functional--in the service of separating psychologically. Although as the others say, he needs to be held responsible for his behavior that is overtly disrespectful. But debate with him when he is talking nonsense? Why? It is ridiculous what he says. This is what a psychiatrist would repeat to me when my son was the age of your own. I was wounded by my son. It was almost impossible for me to absorb at that point, but I think he was right. Your son does not in his heart believe what he says, although it may seem so. It is garbage. You seem to take seriously what he is doing and saying, as if he has the ability and the incentive not just to understand what he is doing, but to evaluate your fitness as a parent and the adequacy of your parenting. His conduct has nothing to do with what you did or did not do. First, you have to accept this. You cannot look to him for reassurance. He is incapable now of this. Down the road, maybe. Right now your job is to set boundaries as you are doing. Not more. [/QUOTE]
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Does your child blame you for everything?
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