Thanks to everyone who has welcomed me into this forum with helpful advice and insight. Wondering if your "difficult child" blames you for everything? My son (17, ODD, pot smoker) constantly blames my husband (his dad) and I for everything, and almost says his using pot and dropping out of school were inevitable because of us. And how does one constructively respond to that? I don't want to completely dismiss his (genuine?) feelings, but I also don't think I need to apologize for being a parent, or for not being a perfect parent. We are caring, loving, attentive, intentional parents who support our children, have expectations for their behavior, and try to impart our values to our children. His blaming us/viewing us as the worst thing in his life is a HUGE roadblock to any type of productive communication. The litany from son is: "you were horrible parents you aren't real people, you are just robots making rules you are Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) parents your rules are insane you are nuts you need to chill" (This is all re all our household/family rules: do your homework, let us know where you are, no computers in bedrooms, phones on charging station at night, no TVs in bedrooms, curfews, chores, clean up after yourself, respect other other people's things, respect food in pantry set aside for planned future meals, and no smoking pot, no alcohol etc.)" AND...he blames us for switching his school twice (after 4th grade to a local catholic school because we were not impressed with the elementary school he was in; then deciding to homeschool all our kids when he was in 7th (for academic reasons, we are non-religious, secular homeschoolers). He went to town high school 9th onward). These school changes were 6 years and 4 years ago. At the time, he was (seemingly) happy, well adjusted, and benefited from the changes. There are pros and cons to every choice, but we thought we made good, thought out decisions, with good intentions. We concede (and have acknowledged to him) that maybe we didn't have full insight into his thoughts or unhappiness about these changes, but he never expressed these thoughts or acted out etc. Not blaming him - he was the kid, we were the parents, it wasn't his duty to inform us or our decisions - but rather to underscore that at the time we made these changes things seemed good. These changes have been positive for our other 4 kids, who are all thriving, happy, well-adjusted kids. Obviously, with 20/20 hindsight they were not good for him - at least from his perspective. But his anger about this seems to grow as the months go by, even though it is becoming further in the past. He seems increasingly fixated on these school changes. I know there are no simple answers re how to deal with this kind of kid, but I am wondering if any of you have sage advice about constructive ways to respond when he goes down the path (especially about the school changes) so as to not get caught up over and over in the same circular conversation that seems to just fuel his anger and defiance.