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Parent Emeritus
Doing better, but overthinking
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658872" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We are in painful places with our troubled kids. These things you worry about could happen. But your daughter is making a choice. She could be working. She could be in school, or making plans to better herself. She could be taking care of the house and exercising and making a garden. Instead, she concentrates on her problems, does nothing to help herself, and blames it on you. She is wrong to do this because as long as she is blaming anyone else for the life she has created for herself, she will do nothing to change it.</p><p></p><p>That is the underlying reason why you have to tell her "NO".</p><p></p><p>In addition, I think this daughter sounds like someone who might dominate you in your own home.</p><p></p><p>You have done really well for three weeks where this daughter is concerned. It is easy to slip back into old thought patterns. No matter how much hard work we have done hard work to change our responses, the kids are still in the same position, and it is still really hard to say no. We do not get to enable.</p><p> </p><p></p><p></p><p>If you take her in, she will never do what she needs to do to become independent. You work. There is no reason she should not work. You live independently. There is no reason she should not live independently or begin making plans to do so. If you help her now, she will still need your help next year and the years after that.</p><p></p><p>Why is she not working, so tired?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658872, member: 17461"] We are in painful places with our troubled kids. These things you worry about could happen. But your daughter is making a choice. She could be working. She could be in school, or making plans to better herself. She could be taking care of the house and exercising and making a garden. Instead, she concentrates on her problems, does nothing to help herself, and blames it on you. She is wrong to do this because as long as she is blaming anyone else for the life she has created for herself, she will do nothing to change it. That is the underlying reason why you have to tell her "NO". In addition, I think this daughter sounds like someone who might dominate you in your own home. You have done really well for three weeks where this daughter is concerned. It is easy to slip back into old thought patterns. No matter how much hard work we have done hard work to change our responses, the kids are still in the same position, and it is still really hard to say no. We do not get to enable. If you take her in, she will never do what she needs to do to become independent. You work. There is no reason she should not work. You live independently. There is no reason she should not live independently or begin making plans to do so. If you help her now, she will still need your help next year and the years after that. Why is she not working, so tired? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Doing better, but overthinking
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